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Chris Evans is your Captain of America

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I also fret that his Steve Rogers may be just too wimpy

Sorry, Dane Cook, Channing Tatum, multiple JonasBots, Garrett Hedlund, Patrick Flueger, Michael Cassidy, John Krasinski, Mike Vogel, Scott Porter and Chace Crawford. The role of America's foremost superheroic American Captain of America will not be filled by a hack comic, a homunculus chiseled out of pure testosterone, Disney test tube babies, an unknown, an unknown, an unknown, Office Cutie, an unknown, an unknown or an unknown.

Nice auditions, really you guys, but the powers that be have decided to stay in the family and cast Johnny Storm as Steve Rogers in an effort to make any potential future Fantastic Four/Avengers crossover flick that much more dangerously similar to an Eddie Murphy-playing-multiple-roles laughfest. Oh yeah. The man who once made an entire movie out of talking to Vicki Vale on a cell phone will continue his quiet insinuation into every comic book franchise ever by occupying the wing-headed cowl of Captain America in Marvel's forthcoming superhero opus. Why so greedy, Nanny Diaries? Were TMNT, The Losers, Fantastic Four, 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer, and Scott Pilgrim vs. the World not enough?

Christopher Robert Evens will battle the previously announced Matrix bad guy as the Scarlet Skeleton in Joe Johnston's 2011 talkie, ending months of unbearable speculation as to who would portray the superhero world's leading shield wielder. If Perfect Score up there can tone down his trademark cocky obnoxiousness I say he has a decent shot of doing the hero justice. My only concern is that the World War II era Cap's ultimate fate is to be frozen in ice for decades only to be thawed in present day and resume his heroic exploits; the last time Evans tried that in 2007's Sunshine he froze to death in a coolant chamber like a chump. Not very Captain American of you, Not Another Teen Movie.

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