The subject of chores can be a tricky one. We want to teach our kids responsibility and life skills, but we often get into power struggles with them over the topic. It can also be difficult for AP parents to reconcile wanting help around the house with wanting to be respectful of their kids.
While a few AP parents argue against assigning chores at all, this doesn't do kids (or the rest of the family) any favors in the long run. Attachment Parenting is about forming close connections with our children and treating them respectfully. This doesn't mean kids don't brush their teeth, follow rules or help with housework, just that we need to be conscious of treating them the way we would any other person we were living with.
The biggest key to this is to take each child's preferences and personality into consideration, just as you would a roommate or spouse. Break the tasks down into ones that each member of the family prefers. While nobody may choose to scoop the cat litter, almost everybody has a preference for what type of jobs they like (and hate) the most. Figure out which jobs need to be done regularly and decide together how to divvy them up.
Here's some typical chores for every age, along with suggestions for how to make it fun and keep kids on board for each:
- Should a toddler do chores?
- What chores should a preschooler do?
- Chores for kids 5-8 and how to keep it fun and easy
- Chores for kids 9-12 and ways to keep them on board
- More than mowing the lawn: Chores help teens prepare for life
And when chores don't get done? Again, just treat kids like people. What would you do if your roommate or spouse had forgotten to do a chore? A gentle reminder is often all it takes (stay there and wait until your child gets up to do it). Sometimes it helps to say "Here, I'll help you start" and move your child towards the job and help start.
Keep in mind these truths about chores and all people:
- Sometimes we're caught up in other things and need a few minutes to get to something.
- We always respond better to please and manners than nagging and orders.
- Some chores aren't any fun, and it helps to reward ourselves occasionally to get them done.
- We all let things slide sometimes, and sometimes it helps to have a little help or at least a little understanding.
- Lists and routines make anything easier.
- Anything is more fun in a happy atmosphere.
- Everybody likes to feel appreciated.
Want to extend things? Consider helping elderly neighbors with chores as a family. Some organizations like the Twin Cities' CEAP's Senior Chore Program offer ways to help, or you can simply see if there are some jobs that an elderly loved one would like some help with.
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