Children, especially boys need positive male role models

 "I love teaching, and I feel like I am needed," said Thomas, 33, of Bowie. "We need black male teachers in our classrooms because that is the closest connection we are able to make to children. It is critical for all students to see black men in the classrooms involved in trying to make sure they learn and enjoy being in school."

The shortage of black male teachers compounds the difficulties that many African American boys face in school. About half of black male students do not complete high school in four years, statistics show. Black males also tend to score lower on standardized tests, take fewer Advanced Placement courses and are suspended and expelled at higher rates than other groups, officials said.

Educators said black male teachers expose students to black men as authority figures, help minority students feel that they belong, motivate black students to achieve, demonstrate positive male-female relationships to black girls and provide African American youths with role models and mentors.

 

So what's the "average" single parent really like? According to the U.S. Census Bureau...

She is a Mother:

·         Approximately 84% of custodial parents are mothers, and

·         16% of custodial parents are fathers

 

She is Divorced or Separated:

Of the mothers who are custodial parents:

·         44% are currently divorced or separated

·         33% have never been married

·         22% are married (In most cases, these numbers represent women who have remarried.)

·         1% were widowed

·          

Of the fathers who are custodial parents:

 

·         57% are divorced or separated

·         24% are currently married (In most cases, these numbers represent men who have remarried.)

·         18% have never married

·         1% were widowed

She is Employed:

·         79% of custodial single mothers are gainfully employed

o                 50% work full time, year round

o                 29% work part-time or part-year

 

·         92% of custodial single fathers are gainfully employed

o                 74% work full time, year round

o                 18% work part-time or part-year

 

References:
United States. Census Department. Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2005. 

Family structure continues to be strongly related to whether or not children are poor.

• In 2007, children living in households headed by single mothers were more than five times as likely as

     children living in households headed by married parents to be living in poverty—42.9 percent  

     compared   with 8.5 percent. (See Figure 1 )

• For non-Hispanic white children, the poverty rate in 2007 was 32.3 percent for children in single mother

    households compared with 4.7 percent for children in married households.

• Similarly for black children, the poverty rate was 50.2 percent compared with 11 percent.

• For Hispanic children, the poverty rate was 51.4 percent compared with 19.3 percent.

• For Asian children, the poverty rate was 32 percent compared with 9.7 percent.

Results showed that young adults who grew up in stable post-divorce families had similar chances of attending college and living in poverty compared to those from always married families.  But they fared less well on measures of the highest degree obtained, occupational prestige and income.

However, the young adults who lived in unstable family situations after their parents divorced did worse on all measures.  In fact, they fared more than twice as poorly on most measures compared to their peers who had stable family situations.

For example, adults from stable post-divorce families earned about $1,800 a year less than similar adults from always-married families.  But those adults whose family situations changed one or more times between ages 14 and 18 earned about $4,600 less.

Sun noted that some of the children in the unstable family group also underwent a custody change between ages 14 and 18.  An analysis showed that they did not fare significantly differently from those who were in unstable families, but did not experience a custody change….

This study found that for those in stable post-divorce families, the difference in adult well-being was mostly due to a shortage of economic and social resources.  Compared to always-married parents, divorced parents had a lower level of income, didn’t talk to their children as much about school-related matters, had fewer interactions with other parents, and moved their children to new schools more often.

“As many previous divorce studies point out, divorce reduces social resources within families because children have fewer interactions with the non-custodial parent, and in many cases, don’t get the quantity and quality of parenting from the custodial parent,” Sun said.

“In addition, after a family disruption, parents may not invest as much time with teachers and other parents in the community, all of which lead to a lower level of child well-being.”

1.        Accept your son's differences.

 

2.        Never make him the man around the house. True, you want to teach him to grow to be man, but there is a distinction between being the "little man" and being responsible for things that adults are supposed to do. Your child is not your confidant, your knight in shining armor or your rescuer. Especially important for the newly widowed or divorced, correct people if they suggest that now your son "is the man around the house," or that he should "take care of Mommy."

 

3.        When you look at your child and see his father's face, it's okay to get a little emotional. After all, if your ex gave you anything of value, you're looking at it. Let your son know how important he is to you.

 

4.        Point out the positive qualities in men you see on a day to day basis. This means that even if you're buying your son baseball cleats and the salesman is especially attentive or friendly, point this trait out by mentioning what a helpful person he is, or "Isn't this man very nice?"

 

5.        Be a little creative in helping your child learn guy stuff. For instance, many single mothers report concern over their son's using the potty while sitting, or playing with their makeup. Chances are, your child won't spend the rest of his life peeing sitting down while wearing mascara. Homosexuality doesn't exist because you didn't monitor the morning makeup sessions! But if you want to get a head start on defining the differences between secondary sex characteristics between males and females, try this: Set out a little basket just for him. Fill it with a mock razor, gentle shaving cream, watered-down cologne, his toothbrush, toothpaste and a comb. Let him know this is what most guys do every morning to their faces.

 

6.        As your child matures, investigate local boys groups or clubs that he could join such as Cub Scouts. Don't be intimidated by such sponsored events as Father/son boat races or picnics. Let the troop leader know that with the number of single parent families, you would be comfortable if the den would acknowledge parent-child events. But the biggest benefit of scouting that should be experienced by all boys is that initiation ritual that welcomes them into the pack. The especial handshakes might remind you of reruns of the Honeymooners when Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton demonstrated their Racoon Lodge handshake. But this is an essential boost to the self esteem of little boys, that feeling of belonging to a group with whom they can closely identify.

 

7.        Teach him your values, but let him express them uniquely. He's a male and will respond to emotional situations somewhat differently than you might.

 

8.        If your boy is really active, get a chinning bar for his room for rainy days. Exercise is critical for all children, but in cases where boys can't seem to center themselves as comfortably as girls, they might need other means of releasing excessive energy. Check out your local Target store for an expandable closet bar, the kind that has suction cups on the ends. Install between the door jambs of his room, and when he gets rowdy, have him "do ten." Make sure you tighten the bar so it safely stays in place and show your son the correct way to grip so he doesn't loosen it from the doorway. Start low, but raise the bar as your son grows.

 

9.        Role models are important and will be found in every aspect of your son's life. Boys need men, but not necessarily fathers. Just because a father lives at home does not mean a boy is being "fathered."

 

10.     Enjoy your time with your baby or toddler by not worrying about whether they are missing out on anything by not having "dad" around. At the same time, try not to avoid "daddy stuff" totally. Even though many children's books feature animal families raised only by mom, it's okay to read stories about all kinds of families to your child. Place a high value on male and female relationships in order to give your child a realistic perspective.

And remember, try not to have negative attitudes toward men, even if you became a single mother out of the most excruciating circumstances.

 

       It appears that fathers contribute to the lives of their children by assuming diverse roles

  appropriate to their children's progression through the life cycle. However, much of the

available research is based on small observational studies or cross-sectional data, and in fact,

relatively few studies have linked father involvement with outcomes among infants and toddlers.

There is a need for new longitudinal research that follows infants through the school years and

includes fathers’ multiple domains of influence.

 

· As Lamb (1997a) points out, fathers should be studied in the larger familial context. A father's

relationship with his partner, and other children, as well as how he views himself and his multiple

familial and societal roles all affect his parenting style and parent-child interactions.

 

· Any beneficial effects of father involvement on children stem from supportive and nurturant

father-child relationships. Continued large-scale research on resident father involvement should

include items spanning multiple domains of paternal influence in addition to items that capture

                       family and social contexts.

Dee finds that gender interactions between teachers and students have significant effects on these important educational outcomes. Assignment to a teacher of the opposite sex lowers student achievement by about 0.04 standard deviations. Other results imply that just "one year with a male English teacher would eliminate nearly a third of the gender gap in reading performance among 13 year olds…and would do so by improving the performance of boys and simultaneously harming that of girls. Similarly, a year with a female teacher would close the gender gap in science achievement among 13 year olds by half and eliminate entirely the smaller achievement gap in mathematics."

Female science teachers appeared to reduce the probability that a girl would be seen as inattentive in science, though this had no discernable effect on girls' science achievement. However, female history teachers significantly raised girls' history achievement. And, boys were more likely to report that they did not look forward to a particular academic subject when it was taught by a female.

Overall, the data suggest that, "a large fraction of boys' dramatic underperformance in reading reflects the classroom dynamics associated with the fact that their reading teachers are overwhelmingly female." According to the U.S. Department of Education's 1999-2000 Schools and Staffing Survey, 91 percent of the nation's sixth grade reading teachers, and 83 percent of eighth grade reading teachers are female. This depresses boys' achievement. The fact that most middle school teachers of math, science, and history are also female may raise girls' achievement. In short, the current gender imbalance in middle school staffing may be reducing the gender gap in science by helping girls but exacerbating the gender gap in reading by handicapping boys.