In 1947 when 18-year-old Harriett Tendler met 26-year-old Charlie Buchinsky (later to become known as the actor Charles Bronson) in a Philadelphia acting school, she fell hard. In her recently published memoir, Charlie & Me (Timberlake Press), about their love affair and 16-year marriage, Harriett Bronson admits she was only too happy to put aside her prospects of an acting career to help Bronson to follow his dream.
She lived to regret it.
“I put my ambitions aside willingly,” she says. “That’s what women did in those days. I was in love.”
The pattern of putting Charlie’s needs first started early on in their relationship. On one of their first dates, Charlie mentioned that he had to go home to iron shirts. “He was fussy about his shirts and wanted them ironed ‘no creases,’ so I volunteered: ‘I’ll iron them!’ Of course, he let me.” That established a pattern; she did his washing and ironing instead of studying for her classes.
“My father complained, ‘I’m not paying that school for my daughter to take in washing!’”
She followed Bronson to California, working in shops selling handbags so Charlie could focus on his acting career. For years, Harriet had no regrets But then in the mid-1960s when the marriage collapsed (after Charlie fell for the English actress, Jill Ireland, while on location in Germany for The Great Escape), Harriett’s sacrifices came back to haunt her.
Harriet also endured Bronson's irrational jealousy, which almost broke up their marriage long before the final split. “Charlie was so jealous he’d watch my eyes to see if I was looking at another man,” Harriett says. “If I glanced at somebody, he’d ask, ‘Why do you flirt?’ It got so I’d walk with my eyes lowered all the time so he wouldn’t accuse me of ‘flirting.’
After the Ireland scandal died down and the divorce became final, Harriett woke up and realized she had no life. “For years, my focus had been on Charlie and now he was gone. I got depressed. I was angry.”
One day when Charlie came to the house to pick up the kids, “I reminded him that he’d always promised me that once he’d made it, then it would be my turn. ‘How come I never got my turn?’ I complained.
“What he said back to me changed my life: ‘How come you never took it?’
I was dumbfounded: ‘I never knew I could,’ I said.” In that moment of clarity, I realized that Charlie was right. Nobody could give me what I needed. I was responsible for that. If I wanted to do something with my life, I’d have to be the one to make it happen.”
In the book, Harriett details the years-long process she went through to rediscover herself, trying many things (including acting again), ending up in an unexpected place -- as a talk radio host, a career she had for a total of nine years.
“Ironically, while Charlie was the one who hurt me he was also the one who opened my eyes to the truth: It’s a wonderful thing to give to others, but we shouldn’t go overboard. I went overboard. Today, I’m better at staying in balance. And I’ve never ironed another shirt!” (Charlie & Me, is available at Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com and Kindle. See also www.TimberlakePress.com)
Comments