Chapter 2 of 2: Third-grader Ellen wanted to eat chocolate chip waffles for breakfast. Her mother insisted on serving her a more nourishing breakfast. Ellen was so disappointed about her breakfast choice that she only ate a few bites, glared at her mother, and refused to give her a hug and kiss good-bye before leaving for school. At lunchtime, Ellen visited the guidance counselor to request a Mediation session after school that day with her mother. The guidance counselor called up Ellen’s mother. She definitely agreed to come. Read the story to hear what WIN-WIN agreement got worked out between mother and daughter.
Click to read Chapter 1: A Mediation session for Ellen and her Mother
Chapter 2: The after school Mediation session takes place with the Guidance Counselor, Ellen, and Ellen’s Mother
The afternoon went a little better for Ellen. She was relieved to know that Mrs. Taylor, the Guidance Counselor, would help her mother and her work out their problem.
At three-thirty, Ellen’s mother arrived in Mrs. Taylor’s office. She said, “Hello, Ellen. You must be Mrs. Taylor. I’m Ellen’s mother, Mrs. Sawyer.”
Mrs. Taylor said, “It’s very nice to meet you. Please, both of you take a seat.”
After they all got settled, Mrs. Taylor explained, “There are six steps in the Mediation process. The first step is called “Step 1: Agree to Mediate.”
I am here to try to help you come up with a solution to your problem. I don’t take sides. I am simply here to help you come up with a solution that will satisfy you both. There are seven rules.”
Ellen said, “I don’t remember that part. What are they?”
Mrs. Taylor smiled and said, “Rule #1: You need to be willing to try to solve your problem through Mediation.
Rule #2: Only one person talks at a time. If you think of something you wish to say and it is not your turn to talk, write down your ideas on this piece of paper. Then when it is your turn to talk, you can share your ideas at that time.” Mrs. Taylor handed both Ellen and her mother a sheet of paper on a clip board plus a pen.
Then Mrs. Taylor continued, “Rule #3: There should be no name-calling or put-downs. Rule #4: You both need to tell the truth. Rule #5: There is to be no physical fighting, yelling, or throwing things. Rule #6: Everything of a personal nature must be kept confidential.”
Ellen asked, “Does confidential mean keep it a secret?”
Mrs. Taylor said, “That’s right. Finally, Rule #7: If something you say would harm you, each other, or anyone else, I must report it to the principal. Do you both understand all the rules?”
Mrs. Sawyer said, “I do. What about you, Ellen?”
Ellen said, “Yes, I believe I do.”
Mrs. Taylor said, “Okay, please sign this contract indicating that you understand and agree to follow all seven rules.”
Both Ellen and her mother signed the contract at the appropriate place. Then Mrs. Taylor said, “Okay, Step Two of the Mediation process is called Gather Points of View. Ellen, how about you go first. Please tell what is bothering you from your point of view.”
Ellen said, “Well, it all started this morning. I wanted to have chocolate chip waffles for breakfast, but Mama made me eat a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit instead. I wasn’t in the mood to eat that, so it didn’t taste very good. I only ate a few bites. I kind of gave Mom a mean look when I pushed the biscuit away. I also didn’t give her a hug or kiss good-bye. I felt bad about that later on. Plus, I was so hungry during math class, I could barely concentrate. So, I wasn’t able to answer Mrs. Johnson’s question. She kind of snapped at me. I apologized and told her I would try to pay better attention.”
Mrs. Taylor said, “Is there anything else you would like to add?”
Ellen thought for a bit and said, “Yes, I want Mama to let me eat the food I am in the mood to eat, so that it will taste better. I guess that’s it.”
Mrs. Taylor said, “Ellen, this is how I understand your side of the story. You wanted one thing for breakfast. Your mother gave you something different. Since you were not in the mood for that food, you wasted some of it. You were so disappointed not to get to eat what you wanted to eat that you gave your mother a mean look and then did not hug or kiss her good-bye before leaving for school. You had trouble concentrating on your school work due to hunger. This made your teacher sort of snap at you. Thankfully, you knew enough to apologize to your teacher and told her you would try to pay better attention. You would like to be able to eat the food that you are in the mood to eat so it will taste better. Did I understand you correctly?”
Ellen said, “Yes, you did.”
Mrs. Taylor next turned to Ellen’s mother and said, “Okay, Mrs. Sawyer, would you please tell what happened from your point of view?”
Mrs. Sawyer said, “I feel that Ellen needs to eat more nourishing food for breakfast. That is why I insisted that she eat a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit rather than a chocolate chip waffle with syrup. I felt sad that she gave me a mean look and did not hug or kiss me good-bye. It made my day feel awfully long. I was surprised to receive the phone call from you; however, I am happy to find out a way to work things out with my daughter.”
Mrs. Taylor said, “Is there anything else you would like to add?”
Mrs. Sawyer said, “No, not that I can think of.”
Mrs. Taylor said, “This is how I understood your side of the story. You feel that Ellen needs to eat more nourishing things for breakfast. Also, you felt sad to receive a mean look from your daughter. You also felt sad that she refused to give you a hug or kiss good-bye. That made your day feel longer than usual. You were surprised to receive my phone call; however you are happy to have the opportunity to work things out with your daughter. Did I understand you correctly?”
Mrs. Sawyer said, “Yes, you did.”
Mrs. Taylor said, “This is Step Three of Mediation. It is called Focus on Interests. Ellen, you want the FREEDOM to eat the things that you want to eat for breakfast. Mrs. Sawyer, you want the FREEDOM to feed Ellen the foods you consider to be more nourishing. Ellen, you felt badly that you gave your mother a mean look and refused to give her a hug or kiss good-bye this morning. So you did not get your BELONGING need met with her. Mrs. Sawyer, you also did not get your BELONGING need met with your daughter as she gave you a mean look and did not give you a hug or kiss good-bye. So you both want some of the same things.”
Ellen and her mother both nodded their heads in agreement.
Then Mrs. Taylor said, “Okay, we are ready for Step Four. It’s called Create WIN-WIN Options. That means, we are going to try to come up with a WIN-WIN solution that will please you both. To do that, you two will brainstorm some solutions to try to solve this problem.
There are three rules to brainstorming. Rule #1: Say any idea that comes to mind, even if it might sound silly or hard to accomplish.
Rule #2: Let’s not judge or discuss any of the ideas until a little later. Your ideas will be written down so we can look at them as a group during Step 5 of Mediation.
Rule #3: Be real creative. Try to come up with as many ideas as possible so we have lots of options.
Do you agree to follow these three brainstorming rules?”
Ellen said, “I agree.”
Her mother said, “I agree as well.”
Mrs. Taylor said, “Okay. Let’s brainstorm. What could you do to resolve this dispute?”
Ellen said, “I want to be able to eat the food that I want to eat.”
Mrs. Sawyer said, “I want to feed Ellen more nourishing food in the morning.”
Ellen said, “I want to apologize to my mother for giving her a mean look. I also want to apologize for not giving her a hug and kiss good-bye this morning.”
Mrs. Sawyer said, “I want to apologize for making my daughter feel bad about the food she had to eat this morning.”
Mrs. Taylor said, “What other ideas could we write down that might make your relationship with each other better from now on?”
Ellen said, “I would like to be able to have my favorite foods some of the time.”
Mrs. Sawyer said, “I would like Ellen to agree to eat more nourishing food some of the time.”
Mrs. Taylor asked, “Can either of you think of any other ideas to add?”
Ellen and her mother both nodded their heads no.
Mrs. Taylor said, “Step Five is when we Evaluate these Options. I will read off what you two came up with.
* Ellen wants to be able to eat the food that she wants to eat.
* Mrs. Sawyer wants to feed Ellen more nourishing food in the morning.
* Ellen wants to apologize for giving her mother a mean look.
* Ellen wants to apologize for not giving her mother a hug and kiss good-bye this morning.
* Mrs. Sawyer wants to apologize for making her daughter feel bad about the food she had to eat this morning.
* Ellen wants to eat her favorite foods some of the time.
* Mrs. Sawyer wants Ellen to agree to eat more nourishing food some of the time.”
Then Mrs. Taylor asked, “Which of these solutions have the best possibilities of working?”
Ellen said, “I definitely want the apologies to happen.”
Mrs. Sawyer said, “Yes, I would like the apologies to happen as well.”
Ellen said, “Well, could I have chocolate chip waffles two school mornings a week?”
Mrs. Sawyer said, “That would work for me. I would like you to agree to have either a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit or a bowl of oatmeal the other three mornings. You could tell me which of those two options would taste the best that morning.”
Ellen said, “I would like to choose which mornings I want the chocolate chip waffles.”
Mrs. Sawyer said, “That is okay with me.”
Mrs. Taylor asked, “Anything else?”
Ellen said, “No, I’m happy with that.”
Mrs. Sawyer said, “Yes, I am too.”
Mrs. Taylor said, “Okay, give me a moment while I write this agreement on the contract.”
Then Mrs. Taylor said, “We are ready for Step Six which is called Create an Agreement. You are both agreeing to:
* Ellen will apologize to her mother for giving her a mean look.
* Ellen will apologize to her mother for not giving her a hug and kiss good-bye.
* Mrs. Sawyer will apologize to Ellen for making her feel bad about her breakfast option this morning.
* Ellen gets to eat chocolate chip waffles two school mornings a week.
* Ellen will agree to eat either a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit or oatmeal the other three school mornings.
* Ellen gets to choose which days she has the waffles and which days she has the other two food options.
Did I get this right?”
Ellen said, “Yes, that sounds good. Should I go ahead and apologize now?”
Mrs. Taylor said, “Yes, go ahead, Ellen.”
Ellen turned to her mother and said, “Mama, I’m sorry I gave you a mean look this morning. I’m also sorry I refused to give you a hug and a kiss good-bye this morning.”
Mrs. Sawyer turned to her daughter and said, “Ellen, thank you for your apology. I’m sorry that I made you feel bad this morning.”
Mrs. Taylor said, “Great. Now, when we finish the final step of our discussion, I will need you both to sign the contract indicating you are willing to follow through on this agreement.
The final step is a Follow-Up step. That is when we will discuss what each of you can personally do to prevent this kind of thing from happening again. Ellen, what about you? What can you do to keep this from happening again?”
Ellen thought and said, “I could try really hard to not give my mother any mean looks. Also, I want to make sure I always give her a hug and kiss good-bye before I leave for school.”
Mrs. Taylor added Ellen’s points on to the bottom part of the contract. Then she turned to Mrs. Sawyer and asked, “Mrs. Sawyer, what about you? What can you do to keep this from happening again?”
Mrs. Sawyer thought and said, “I could explain to my daughter that I want her to grow up strong and healthy. I only want the best for her.”
Mrs. Taylor added Mrs. Sawyer’s points on to the bottom of the contract. Then she had both Ellen and her mother sign the bottom of the contract with their names and today’s date.
Mrs. Taylor then said, “Please understand that the major goal of Mediation is to learn to resolve your own conflicts before they get too big to handle on your own. I want to thank you both for coming to Mediation and for cooperating in this process. Congratulations to you both for working to reach a WIN-WIN agreement. If you follow me to the office, I will make you both a copy of this contract so you can remember what you have agreed to do.”
Mrs. Taylor then escorted them to the front door. She watched as mother and daughter got into the car. She smiled in appreciation when she saw the two of them give each other a hug and a kiss. It appeared that everything was going to be okay between mother and daughter from now on.
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Return to Negotiation, Mediation, and Arbitration Lesson Plan (Grades 3-6)
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