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Cave Dwellers Don't Want You to Come In

Are you sure you want to come in?
Are you sure you want to come in?

So you decide to reach out to your ex. And who knows where they are with the break up or their feelings for you? But none-the-less you decide to reach out for whatever reason, and what you find is that they are deeply inside their cave, machinating (word?) on what you did, what they feel, what they feel you did, and the list goes on. So you, metaphorically of course, have entered their cave to find that they are none-too-happy about you showing up where they went their to get away. Most probably from you.

Most the time this happens to women who decide to enter their ex-boyfriend's cave. Only to risk what they might find. Why not? If you don't know then here is a the bold two-by-four-over-your-head explanation.

Exes enter their caves because they need to think, hole up, wonder, be mad, hurt in private, or most importantly AVOID YOU!. This generally is a man's game but certainly women have caves too. But if your ex is in his cave chances are if you enter you best be prepared to deal with a person who is none-too-happy to have you there. For one, you were not invited. For two it's their cave, and they went there to get away, quite possibly from you. For three, who ever enters a cave be it a bear's cave or a man's cave must know it's not a good idea.

So if you are stupid enough to believe you may find an open, happy-to-see you person you are mostly likely dead wrong, and will suffer the consequences of entering when you were not invited.

Cave entering is dangerous business at best. And so dollars to donuts you will mostly find a person who will say "grrrrrrrrr", "what do you want?", "what are you doing here?".

The best thing to do? Not enter said exe's cave. Ever. Because you will only get the "grrrrrrrrrr". The best thing to do is to wait until said cave dweller comes out into the light and seeks you out. If they ever do.

Most women don't get this and think maybe they will enter said cave dweller's cave and get a positive response. An open receptive response. Uh no, not likely. Uh , highly unlikely. Uh really, absolutely not. Duh!

There is an old psychological edict that goes like this. People are either in approach mode, attack mode or avoid mode. Guess what mode cave dwellers are in? Avoid mode. Guess what happens when you approach someone in avoid mode. Either more avoid or worse attack.

So no matter whether you unwittingly entered the cave or purposefully did, the bottom line is you can't get much from someone in avoid mode. So don't. DON'T! Not a good idea no matter what. Better to let them alone until they come out. Because if they come out chances are they are in approach mode at that point. Then they might, only might ,decide to seek you out. And this is the only mode in which they will want to talk to you. Otherwise it's like pulling teeth. "grrrrrrrrrr".

Translation - don't call, don't email, don't text, don't send a carrier pigeon. No matter what happens. Because what you will get is only hurt. HURT! Cave dwellers are in their caves to avoid. And if you broke up they are, surprise, avoiding, YOU. "grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."

Not what you want or need after a break up. So here's the rule. No cave entering. None. Never. EVER!

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