September 8, 2009
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You've stumbled across the perfect guy or gal and this person lights your heart on fire and makes your belly do flips just at the mere thought of them. You smile when they enter a room or when you hear their name or even from a flirty text they sent you. That all too familiar feeling of falling is creeping up fast and just when you are planning your life together, with the picket fence, and 2.5 children your smacked with a strong dose of reality: This was just a casual thing.
Casual daters are everywhere. From the cute waitress in the coffee shop to the dude on the bus with
the killer smile and perfect teeth. They come from all walks of life, and it is often hard to decipher who is casually dating and who is truly and sincerely looking for a monogamous relationship. The question becomes how do you know when you are dating a casual dater?
Here are few signs to let you know you two are casually dating:
1) His or her cell phone vibrates from constant texts and calls and they often text or answer the call.
2) Superb social skills - they've been honed from all of the dating experience they have.
3) He or she has said things like, "I am not ready for a relationship" or "I don't see this relationship going in to the future"
All of the above are signs that you are dating casually or worst dealing with a serial dater.
Ok ok, maybe these examples are a bit extreme, however, it is difficult to determine who is casually dating and who is not.
So what do you do when you are the one looking for a serious relationship, but the object of your desire is casually dating?
Well, truth is there are only two options: Stay or leave.
Often times we find ourselves in relationships that we never intended to be in. At first, we think, ok, this person is not everything that I want, but eventually they will be. This is the first mistake. We buy into the idealogy that we can change people when the reality is you cannot. This is the #1 culprit in the demise of relationships. People will change when they are ready and not a minute before. So putting undue pressure on them by way of committment is a sure fire way to get them to leave you. When dealing with a casual dater it is important to keep a few key things in mind if you decide to continue this relationship or if you decide to leave. Whatever your decision, here are a few guidelines for both.
Choosing to stay
Choosing to stay is a big step on your part, however, because you've decided to stay doesn't mean he or she owes you anything. It is important for you to understand that this person has decided at this point in their lives that they do not want a girlfriend/boyfriend. Do not try and make them exclusively date you.
You know that he or she is dating other people, determine if you can handle this. You should know your limits, but do not place those limits on your partner. Imposing your limits is synonymous with an ultimatum. This is something to avoid at all costs. You should also keep in mind that the first signs of an emotional attachment may mean ending the relationship. No one wants to be in a "forced awkward situation that people like to call dating".
Choosing to leave
If you decide that leaving is your best option, just leave and do not try and make him or her feel bad if they want to leave.
Try your best not to fall a part in front of him or her. It is a complete turn off, not to mention ugly.
Also, don't make a scene. Making a scene in public is designated for children under that age of 5 and will only show this person how you act when you do not get your way. Ultimately this translates as immaturity. It is imperative that you love yourself. They might not want you, but that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. They are just not that into you or you're not what they are looking for. Hence the reason they've decided to casually date. Not every person will like or love you, accept it and move on.
Ultimately, honesty, always has, and will always be the best policy. That includes being honest with yourself.
For more info: Check out my other articles here.