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AP Photo/Andres Leighton
Watch out for the undertoad”- The World According to Garp.
Thirty years ago, when I read John Irving's novel, I hardly recognized the level of anxiety a parent suffers for his child. I embraced the irony of the text, when Garp's son mistakes the word “undertow” for “undertoad” as he imagines a giant reptile lurking the ocean floor. My kudos along with the critics praised the genius and the comedy.
I now join Mr. Irving who gave a voice to T.S. Garp as he agonized for the safety of his children. My recurring mantra “be careful” resonates in my children's ears as they move into their everyday ventures, as if my words will make the difference.
Last fall I visibly shuttered as I read CNN's report about Christopher Marino, a child with autism, who escaped drowning...a miracle they said. According to the article,12 year old Christopher and his dad Walter were swimming in the Atlantic and were separated by a riptide. Apparently 12 hours passed while the father and son drifted apart. Mr. Marino detailed the agony as he treaded water, along with his son. The only tool available to keep Christopher attentive was reciting quotes from Disney's Toy Story...”to infinity” Walter yelled, as Christopher shouted...”and beyond”, until darkness fell and there were no more voices to be heard.
The miracle arrived the next morning as a group of fishermen rescued Walter Marino. The coast guard arrived and helped a weeping Marino onto their boat. He believed his son was dead; refusing to stand on the top deck, for fear of seeing his child face down in the water. Ultimately he was summoned up top as one man pointed to a helicopter saying that Christopher was on board. The circle complete, Dad and boy were united.
When interviewed, Walter Marino detailed the perils of autism and the absence of fear. Christopher was unaware of the danger in those shark infested waters; he only balked at the sting of jelly fish. It begs the question....can you teach fear?
I remember a time when Disney was our bible. I remember the years when our son Paul talked in riddles, and communicated with song. I cried as I videoed his joyous grin, while watching Oliver and Company. The lyrics from Good Company are close to my heart:
“You and me together we'll be...Forever you'll see...We two can be good company You and me...Just wait and see”
Twenty years later, I still want to protect Paul and keep him safe from harm. Last summer, riptide stories were broadcast on local news and at a beach in Rhode Island, I repeatedly cautioned him to swim sideways if he felt a pull of water.
John Irving's final words in Garp articulate a parent's fears of the world: “If Garp could have been granted one vast and naíve wish, it would have been that he could make the world safe. For children and for grownups. The world struck Garp as unnecessarily perilous for both.”
Although my silent pledge to Paulie remains “you and me together”, I am forever cognizant of a chilling reality. The best we can do is enlighten the world, while reinforcing and supporting our children as they grow and learn at their own pace.
.Good Company utube below.
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