Is there such a thing as saying “I love you” too soon?
This was a question that was pondered while watching this season of VH1’s "Couples Therapy."
If you are unfamiliar with the programming, it is a reality show that follows celebrity couples who have agreed to move in under one roof to work on their troubled relationships.
Couples that have appeared in past seasons of "Couples Therapy" include rapper DMX and his ex-wife Tashera Simmons, rapper Flavor Flav and his fiancée Liz Truillo, and the most controversial couple of the series actor Doug Hutchinson and wife Courtney Stodden (he was 51 years old and she 16).
This new season of "Couples Therapy" follows a new group of couples dealing with the woes of their relationships but the couple that stand out to me is the relationship between rapper Ghostface Killah (real name Dennis Coles) and his girlfriend Kelsey Nykole.
Before recent episodes, the couple seemed to have an otherwise normal relationship with normal relationship issues. But one thing that Ghostface keeps repeating in his therapy sessions with Dr. Jenn Berman, the show’s therapist, is that Kelsey said “I love you” way too soon in their relationship.
The couple have been dating for a little over a year but according to Ghostface, Kelsey said “I love you” a few months into their relationship, something that has made him uncomfortable from the start.
Saying I love you is a very significant moment in a union and is also the biggest risk one can take searching for the right moment in their relationship to tell the other person how they feel.
There are the worry lines that form on one’s forehead as they wait to hear those same words back after uttering the infamous three words. And let’s not forget the overall fear that the other may not feel the same way you do.
A rule of thumb that relationship expert Lynn Harris suggests, is weighing what your feeling behind saying I love you will mean to you if it isn’t said back the moment you say it.
So before you take this step, ask yourself: Will you be able to accept if your date doesn’t say “I love you” back, or will you be crushed? If it’s the latter, then it’s probably best to hold off until more time has passed and you’re more confident about each other’s intentions. [Source]
And I agree.
If the thought of saying I love you only gives you butterflies but you just can’t seem to keep it to yourself and you feel a need to tell the other person, knowing if they don’t say it back your feelings will remain the same, that just might be the right time!
But if your fear of if they feel the same way is crippling, waiting may not be so bad.
I won’t even kid you and attempt to explain what love is so that you know how to identify it; similar to describing a jar of pasta sauce so that you recognize it on a grocery shelf.
It definitely is a feeling and a verb, and according to an article that was published in the "Journal of Personality and Social Psychology," it may have something to do with if you’ve had sex with your honey or not.
Based on a series of surveys conducted, researchers were able to determine that two thirds of the couples surveyed showed men were first in saying I love you six weeks before their lady partners.
And what was even more interesting is that men were most happy if a woman told them they loved them pre-sex while women were happier hearing I love you post-sex:
The researchers theorized that a pre-sex love confession may signal interest in advancing the relationship to include sexual activity - which is what men want, evolutionarily speaking, so as not to lose an opportunity to spread their genes. They want to "buy low," as the article put it. Women, who have more to lose if they get pregnant, prefer a post-sex confession as a signal of long-term commitment. They prefer to "sell high." [Source]
In the case of Kelsey and Ghostface Killah, it turns out that the real reason why Ghostface was worried Kelsey was falling in love with him too soon was because he had another woman in his life that he’d been dating for 2 years, unbeknown to Kelsey and his other woman.
Their situation is an isolated one because there were other factors involved when it came to Ghost’s reception to Kelsey’s affections.
But when it comes to saying “I love you” and the right timing, there isn’t a pre-determined quintessential “right time.” Saying it too soon is based on how you view your relationship and the importance of what hearing it versus feeling it means to you.
What do you think? Do you believe that there is a right and wrong time to say I love you? Do you believe in love at first sight? Let's talk in the comments!