Can I get a little Cristina with that?

Credit The Weinstein Company

When we consider the state of our so-called “unions” in this country, the statistics are depressing to those who want “happily ever after.” But the data can only show so much, given that it is flawed by the very boundaries and definitions that make it quantifiable in the first place.

Let’s diverge for a second.

Any observant person who has traveled to Europe recently has probably noticed the equally refreshing and intriguing differences in how we approach love relationships.

For anyone who's ever seen the Oscar-winning film, "Vicky Cristina Barcelona," it is the case in point. Vicky is in a relationship that fits all neat and tidy into a perfect square box, tied up with a smooth satin ribbon. Let's call her Austin. Cristina, on the other hand, is a mess - a laundry basket filled with unfolded clean clothes that sits on the floor for a week waiting to be folded and put away, topped with dirty clothes that have come off at the spur of the moment in the heat of passion, covered by a bag filled with new shoes and a new dress for that hot date tonight. Let's call her Europe.

Austin is predictable. Relationships are expected. Go to college, meet a nice man or woman with a good job and a relatively functional family. Get married. Buy a house. Have 2.5 kids.

Europe is complex. Intellectual curiosity is expected. Culture is rich. Relationships are undefined. Have a kid, or don't. Get married, or don't. Just live. With passion.

This is simplifying, of course, but for those who have witnessed some of the most beautiful, albeit intense and challenging, love relationships while traveling abroad, coming home to what he or she once loved about Austin – the charm and simplicity of the somewhat urban, somewhat small-town American South – can tug at even the strongest of heart strings.

The common response, or regret, is that something is devastatingly missing. If we break it down to the core, what’s missing is the passion for adventurous love that seeks no boundaries and carries no answers or security. The Cristina.

Now back to the statistical implications. Rutgers University is home to the National Marriage Project.  In 2005 they released a report on Marriage and Family called “What Does the Scandinavian Experience Tell Us?” They compared the state of unions in Sweden with those in the United States and found that both countries handle marriage and cohabitation quite differently.

Sweden has one of the lowest marriage rates in the world. The U.S. has the highest divorce rate in the world. In Sweden, 10 percent more couples cohabitate either before or in lieu of marriage than the U.S., but those numbers are on the rise. In fact, it shows that “non-marital cohabitation has become a normal part of the life course in the eyes of more than half of young singles in the United States.” Since the late 1970s, the practice has dominated the coupling culture of Europe, so much so that in many respects, society doesn’t distinguish between the two. It’s more about the commitment to the relationship that determines its validity, rather than an official marriage license.

But the study also found that more cohabitating relationships end than marriages, thus preventing a comparable divorce rate, some experts conclude. The data is also limited to same-sex couples in both countries. And some experts conclude that people who are willing to cohabitate are more divorce prone, if in fact they choose to marry.

Now, it is important to point out that many who are invested in such studies are trying to preserve the traditional definition of marriage and its religious implications. When “Vicky Cristina” was released, it received rave reviews from the more liberal circles of society, but was criticized and frowned upon by the religious right, calling it “dangerously seductive,” glorifying the reckless, self-destructive behavior of the women in the film and making a mockery of marriage.

What does this mean for Austin? The HUB, a local restaurant that often uses a big screen on their patio to host movie-watching events, recently screened "Vicky Cristina Barcelona."  In an unscientific survey of thirtysomethings who had seen the film – married, cohabitating, single and divorced – Austinites were asked which character, Vicky or Cristina, they resembled more. The most common answer was “a little of both.” But, when asked which one they’d prefer to be more like, the answer was overwhelmingly, “Cristina.”

We know it’s been getting hotter and hotter here this summer, but could this mean our relationships are about to get steamier too?

Austinites: Are you in your 30s and have a relationship concern you want to talk about? Noticed a marriage or dating trend among your 30-something friends? Are your relationships with siblings and family adding to or decreasing the stress in your life? Email your Thirtysomething Relationships Examiner at lindsaytaub@me.com.