OAKLAND, Calif. — Have we lost our minds? On Saturday evening, May 21, 6 o'clock came and went without as much as a whimper. The trumpets didn't sound. The Anti-Christ failed to arise. No earthquakes were reported.
Nor was a single soul abducted as originally prophesied in God's inevitable rapture.
Hell, the only 666's I saw were the six-packs of Bud Light chilling inside my refrigerator.
Perhaps in vain, dozens of confused souls found salvation in shutting themselves inside to pray for mercy. While others were busy liquidating their assets in preparation for the return of his holy majesty.
So, where's the rapture?
The apocalyptic 'doomsday' message was disseminated by 89-year-old Harold Camping, the incoherent, babbling pastor of a multi-million nonprofit ministry in Oakland. Did anyone bother checking Camping for Alzheimer's prior to the prediction?
Nevertheless, if indeed the prophecy was fulfilled, only 144,000 Christians were liberated by Christ.
Meaning?
Those of us still residing on earth are bound for eternal damnation.
Here's tomorrow's headline: Camping predicts the moon will bleed as a school of horse-sized locusts (donning human faces) will ascend from earth's magma core to shred us into tiny, little pieces.
All jokes aside, now that we've been entertained by CNN (Camping's New Network), it's time to get back to the daunting, harsh realities associated with high gas prices, a faltering economy, divorces, public education, sexual confusion, diseases, war and racism.
With problems of this magnitude, who needs a rapture?
“We know the end will begin in New Zealand and will follow the sun and roll on from there,” said loyal follower Michael Garcia, a 39-year-old father of six. “That’s why God raised up all the technology and the satellites so everyone can see it happen at the same time.”
Ok Garcia.
So, what happened?
Inquiring minds would like to know.
“Harold Camping’s 21st May Doomsday prediction fails; No earthquake in New Zealand,” read one posting on Twitter.
“If this whole end-of-the-world thingy is still going on … it’s already past 6.00 in New Zealand and the world hasn’t ended,” said another.
Shaking my head, I'm still baffled so many people took Camping seriously.
My goodness. The prediction had publicity stunt written all over it. Even the late Ray Charles would see that.
As a matter of fact, this isn't the first time Camping screwed up. The elderly loon made a similar prognosis in 2004. However, Camping saved face by blaming the miscue on a mathematical error. I guess Saturday's goof was a byproduct of a spelling gaffe?
“I’m not embarrassed about it. It was just the fact that it was premature,” Camping told The Associated Press last month in defense of his miscalculation. But this time, he said, “there is…no possibility that it will not happen.”
Uh... wrong again pal.
Are you taking your meds?
Let's peek at the numbers.
1) As Judgment Day drew near, Camping's followers claim donations grew well beyond expectations, allowing Family Radio (Camping's station) to expend millions of dollars for approximately 5,000 billboards and 20 RVs plastered with his erroneous doomsday message.
At least Camping wasn't cheap.
And 2) In 2009, Camping's nonprofit organization reported $18.3 million in donations to the IRS in addition to assets totaling more than $104 million, including $34 million in stocks or other publicly traded securities.
No wonder Camping's not embarrassed. Dude is laughing all the way to the bank.
I had no idea false prophecy was so lucrative.
Where do I sign up?
Wayne Hodges, an MBA from St. Mary University, is the Editor-in-Chief of MassAppealNews.com. He also serves as District Committee Delegate in Johnson County, he’s a candidate for Kansas Senate District #7, and he’s an adjunct professor in Kansas City.
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