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Breaking the cycle of Emotional Blackmail

Emotional blackmail is the use of fear, guilt and obligation to accomplish a desired reaction. It is hard to recognize as we want to assume the ones we love are looking out for us. Honestly, its a mind game at its deepest. I told a lifelong friend a painful secret and at the time it was freeing. A few weeks later when I failed to do as he wished it was thrown in my face. It hurt because he used the very words I used against me. It reiterated what I already felt.That is emotional blackmail plain and simple.

I did not recognise the signs, because I felt the things he was saying. It was my own thoughts being said in different words. It was already in my mind, so I soaked it up like a sponge. I took it on as my own thought. I used it as a reason to stay the victim. I reasoned that if we both thought that, it must be true. If he cared and said it he must be trying to help. No, he was trying to use a vulnerability to control me. I allowed his thoughts to control what I thought and how I reacted. I allowed him to get me to jump through hoops by holding onto silly thoughts. Someone once said we all have a big red button on our head and its a matter of figuring out to use the button to get your way. That is true. The same person mentioned above is now threatening to tell that secret publicly. I'm taking the power back by sharing it myself leaving him empty threats.

When we reveal things, we leave ourselves open. The key is to heal from the fears and overcome the guilt. Once we heal the guilt does not exist and cant be used to manipulate you any longer. Another very helpful strategy is to allow yourself to feel, understand why, let go and forgive yourself. We hold onto things for many reasons, the biggest is we cant forgive ourselves. We also need to love ourselves enough to see when those you care about aren't looking out for you. The same person mentioned above is now threatening to tell that secret. I'm taking the power back by sharing myself leaving empty threats.

Emotional blackmail is hitting someone at the deepest most painful thing in their life and poking that hole deeper and deeper until they do as you please. The person who uses blackmail does not care about you. They have issues inside themselves that need work and rather than face that they strike. If you don't hold it as deep dark secret and let it keep you victim they have no power. Do not let someone shame you into feeling bad about a choice when you were in pain from years ago. Take back the power by loving yourself, forgiving yourself and never being shamed by someone elses reaction.Your the only one in your shoes. You know why and what you did. Take back the power! Remember together we can and will move mountains one pebble at a time. See for more information.

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