Skip to main content
  1. Life
  2. Relationships
  3. Relationship Advice

Breaking no contact rule

See also

When breaking up with your significant other, sometimes there is a no contact rule set into place.

What is the no contact rule? Exactly how it reads. It's a strategy set into place to work through getting over your ex or getting them to miss you. You have no contact with each other, whether it's for a set time, or for a good while. It could be a mutual thing or set into place by one of you to figure things out.

The no contact rule (NC rule) is put into place for several reasons. It will help you deal with the heartbreak faster, and easier, rather than dwelling on all the negative things about the breakup and your former significant other. The first stage is always the hardest. Everyone has an automatic human reaction: begging, pleading, and crying that goes along with the initial shock of a breakup. As you move through the NC rule strategy, you will figure out whether your ex will be completely done with you or if this is just temporary. That is why it is vital to carry the NC rule through to the end, so you can determine that.

Is it ever okay to break the no contact rule? Sure, there are exceptions. And you might even look for excuses to do this, but it's a strength move too. You have to focus on being strong and getting through the hardest points, otherwise, you might give in, and regret it. You have to weigh the pros and cons of recovering the contact versus not recovering the contact. Which will be better for you and your significant other in the long run? Just giving into weakness, or becoming strong on your own again?

If you haven't moved past the stage of self-pity, onto the stage of being able to see things a lot clearer, then you may not be working hard enough at moving past it. Dealing with the terms of the breakup is the hardest part because it is a shock to your system, and is not easy to take on. You need to gain control over your emotions, not let them control you. Think about if you and your ex were to meet up during this breakup, at this point. Would you end up breaking down in front of them? If the answer is yes, you are not ready for that yet. And you haven't been putting enough work into this NC rule. It's not just about the not contacting the ex, but working on you, and you alone. If you feel confident enough that you won't end up making a total mess of yourself, then maybe you've been putting extra effort into yourself. And for that, you should be proud. Not everyone can operate the same or have the same strength unfortunately.

Sometimes people will put a time period on the NC rule. The most typical is thirty days. Why thirty days? It allows enough time to help you recover, and regain some sense of yourself, without relying on that other person for anything or everything. You only have yourself to turn to at this point in time. Everything will seem extremely hard to do, but then eventually, you will have some revitilization or big moment where you will decide to take control of your own life. This feeling of empowerment allows you to experience the benefits of this NC rule. The thirty days starts the day after the last time you tried calling, texting, emailing or sending anything to your ex. To make it seem more productive, keep track of each day of silence, along with your thoughts/feelings about it. It's very helpful to keep a journal of how you're feeling throughout this period, and interesting to look back on every few days to see what's improved, if anything.

Implementing this no contact rule makes it your decision once and for all. If you were the one who broke the relationship up, this will help you figure out whether it was the right thing to do, or if you just needed space or something else. If you were the one broken up with, everyday you don't speak to your ex, you'll feel more empowered because you have gotten control over how you feel, and sticking to the choice you've made to remain in no contact with him or her. Keeping track of your accomplishments, and respecting the wishes of your ex shows a lot of charisma and maturity. Reward yourself if you'd like, but stay clear and focused. Sure you may have weak moments where you almost give in, but think about how far you've come, and what outcome you want in the end of all of this. Do you want to have to start from the very beginning again, or get to the end result much faster? And, would you rather have the BEST reults or the WORST results?

There are always unique situations where the NC rule needs to be broken whether it be for serious, personal, financial, etc. reasons. But, be sure you are thinking clearly before making any impulsive decisions.

Comments

Advertisement