For long-time and first-time fans, a Bon Jovi tour promises rollicking shows, countless photo ops, prolific post-show posting of set lists on social media and a treasure trove of fan produced concert footage on YouTube.
Their new 'Because We Can' world tour has been no exception---except for the unexpected departure of guitarist Richie Sambora---so best get ready for breathless accounts of how Jon looked directly at YOU while crooning ‘Born To Be My Baby’.
Bon Jovi tours bring out the best and worst in the myriad fans of JoviNation.
So, since the band has been on mid-tour hiatus and Sambora is still missing in action we thought it appropriate to suggest a few behavioral Rules of the Road to ensure that the second leg of the Because We Can tour is extra warm and fuzzy.
To that end, here are the Bon Jovi Fan Tour Rules 101:
- If you’re a boyfriend or hubby, no waiting outside the stage door after a show to ‘have a chat’ with Jon about what he and your wife are ‘doing’. It’s a Jovi thing, and you just wouldn’t understand.
- If you are one of the smattering of males in attendance, try to look like you WANT to be there instead of looking like you’re chaperoning your gal and the band on their first date.
- Also fellas, fist-pumps into the air are acceptable but remember white men can’t dance.
- Ladies shouldn't cram 38 women into one suite on a VIP hotel package thinking you will spread the cost around. They charge per person!
- Don’t shove the pale balding man who is doing security at the VIP Meet-N-Greets. It’s Matt.
- At no time offer to let Jon orany band-member perform a trans-vaginal ultrasound in order to assess the desirability of your munchable unmentionables.
- When attending a VIP backstage event remember to fix your makeup and don’t burp your Chablis.
- If you must toss your panties onstage please make sure they are your own and not the ones you yanked off a fan sitting next to you so you could toss two.
- If you’re going to stake out a hotel and drink like a crack whore in the bar make sure you are at least wearing Bon Jovi bling. Heart-and-dagger earrings, necklace, bracelet and nipple clips are highly desirable.
- If you’re going to criticize Bon Jovi openly in social media be ready for the blow-back and be prepared to hire personal security.
- Instead of smelling salts please have Bon Jovi Unplugged in your purse to help wake you or a friend from a weak-at-the-knees Jovi Stupor.
- You may keep your seat within the first 10 rows after the show, but do not beat another fan about the face and head with it if they are in front of you near the backstage door.
- Just because a drunken gal drops a $45 Tour Program doesn’t mean she didn’t want it!
- It's OK to write or read fan fiction but its NOT OK to act out fan fiction in the hotel lobby, bar, or elevator. Especially alone.
- If at any time you see Jon Bon Jovi rip off a dreaded stink-eye, be afraid. Be very very afraid.
- If you see New Jersey Governor Chris Christie at a backstage buffet step away from the Gov, unless he is trying to eat Bon Jovi.
- Its OK to grab Jon Bon around the neck for some huggy body kissy facey during a song on the floor but no Commando Cup Checks!
- Its OK to pawn your jewelry so you can attend numerous VIP shows but its NOT OK to blow the college fund.
- Its OK to be excited about the merchandise for sale in the lobby but its NOT OK to bowl peeps over & scream “But I know MATT & he said 2 pick what I want and go right on in!"
- Finally it's OK to flash your sweater kittens during shows but no ripping your jeans open and screaming at the band 'This is YOUR house!'
Be sure to find and follow Glenn Osrin on twitter @wizardofosrin