BPCC was briefly abducted by aliens.
The super non-lie truth is uniquely required here, because a 16 month blanket-hiatus from composing a single dot, comma or syllable for one's writing boss must by-absolute-needs be staunchly and unerringly explained. Otherwise people (and certain manging-editors) might possibly become upset, and shoot BPCC in the face.
So, concisely, FYI, .. BPCC was abducted by aliens, and he just couldn't dam well help it.
Yep. The short explanation for the previous 16 month absence of Boise's dauntless Pop Culture Examiner, and his abject lack of any hint or whisper of anything resembling the inscription of a single word or utterance,...
(And his managing-editor should realize the intrinsic truth of the following because it was like, totally totally not BPCC's fault.).
It was just your regular 'ol, plain 'ol Abducted-by-Aliens Deal-io. Simple.
It's a bit like Einstein calling in sick for you, and an air-tight editor-alibi to boot!! Everyone knows there's no avoiding gravity and all that other stuff.. Plus it's Aliens!!! Outside of the bounds of normal Astro-Theoretical-Physics-Thingy.
X-rays!! Close Encounter's of the 'Whatever-Gets-Me-Out-of-This-Particular-Responsibility' kind.
And Einstein said so...Whatever!!!!
And anyway it's clear normal Human Editorial Deadlines don't actually truly exist within Quantum Reality.
Black Holes. Dark Matter. Crazy unexpainable heavy neutrino stuff...Higgs-Boson particles just layin' around in the 17th dimension, drinkin' Mai-Tai's by the pool, singin' "Swing-Low-Sweet-Chariot", and heartlessly causing unexplained computer OS crashes, dropped calls, and other unresloved unexplainable computer bullsh*t.
And besides cutting-edge theoretical physics, it's important not to overlook the inherent, inveterate laziness of BPCC , which is mainly caused by the fact that he doesn't have any money, or a functioning, breathing, human copy-editor.
And it goes even deeper.. and darker... and more sinister... and significantly sillier.
What is even more shocking is the awful, terrible, shocking, awful truth. The abducting aliens were .....ESKIMOS!!!!
Good lord!! Those inscrutable Eskimo's are in fact just shuckey, jivey, wiley play-you-a-sucka' Aliens from a distant planet. Sure, they seem harmless and all (largely true), but they also happen to be Space Aliens from the Moons of Jupiter!!!!! (little known fact.).
Turns out that all that walrus hunting, moose tracking and igloo building is merely an unfathomably elaborate ruse!!!
Eskimos are nothing more than really polite, super-unassuming and ultra-courteous SPACE ALIENS FROM THE MOONS OF JUPITER!! (And there is NOTHING, not one single solitary thing, sardonic, satirical, sarcastic or parody-ish about any of the previous. Nope.).
Shocking, it's certain, and nobody was more surprised than the author. Nonetheless, Eskimos abducted BPCC for the better part of the last 16 months, and that's why he's just now writing another article. (That, and the total lack of editorial guidance or financial remuneration from wex.whaminer.com).
The abduction wasn't all that bad, really.. Turns out Jupiter-Space-Moon-Eskimos are really nice, and seal blubber tastes alot like bacon. And when the ESKIMO/Aliens finally dropped BPCC off on the corner of 8th and Main in Downtown Boise, they gave him a cryptic, indecipherable piece of advice...
Write another article for wex.whaminer.com, PRONTO.
He immediately decidedly decided that revisiting the topic of Boise Bars was a good, pure, and wholesome idea.
This led him to the following adventures, and a fortuitous update/half-hearted retractions/go-sod-off of local Boise bars, their owners, groupies and various sycophants, their corrupt, talentless DJ's and various street-crawly douche-bags of one stripe or another.
Oh what fun!! Do watch here, by the Eve of 2015 at least, for the full-on, fully full-on.
PLUS, every silty-sleazy-murky-muddy detail within the title of this article will be explained in all it's 'Chad-Kovac-y' vague Umbrella-ish Knitting Factory luridness
And much more importantly, there's also some genuinely good news about some truly outstanding existing/new, exciting and innovative artists here in Boise. Doing their thing, and kissing Zero-ass.
Full-On. Stay Tuned!!