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'Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys' does just what it sets out to do

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Animal Planet has hyped its B-Movie horror flick, "Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys" in a big push toward Monster Week. It finally aired Sunday night for the first time, and viewers were left wondering how they should feel about what they watched. "Did they just waste two hours watching that?" Regardless, after careful analysis, it can only be concluded that the movie was exactly what the producers, who also gave us "Sharknado," meant for it to be.

"Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys" was not overtly comical like Sharknado, even with its B-Movie flavor. However, the humor of the film became apparent after the fact. When the silly movie is over, the viewer is then becomes aware they have been perched on the edge of their seat for two hours, with the exception of a scene or two where they may have had to go vomit. (More than once, this middle-aged adult reviewer had to cover her face!) The suspense and horror, while purposely packaged in a B-Movie cover, was very engaging, and as the Animal Planet teasers promised, viewers were "sucked in."

There were some truly gory scenes where people screamed just a bit too convincingly as they died a horrible death while lampreys sucked holes in them, tunneling in and out of their body through those holes and all other orifices. The only thing missing was the music from the childhood song, "The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, the worms play pinnacle on your snout." The most talked-about scene was when the Mayor, played Christopher Lloyd, was attacked while sitting on the toilet. This scene of anal horror was just way over the top; nothing at all was left to the imagination with a shot of Lloyd standing up with a large lamprey entering his body. For this timeslot, this scene was very edgy.

The frightening part of this movie was the reality that this “invasive” species does exist, and it has become a problem in the Great Lakes, according to this site run by the State of Wisconsin, “Environmental Education for Kids.” When lamprey populations get out of control, it damages the entire ecosystem in an area. But far more frightening is that hungry lamprey can and do attack humans, as you can see in the attached video in which Jeremy Wade of “River Monsters” fame removes a lamprey from his neck.

Looking back at “Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys,” some understated humor merits a mention. The poker face acting on the part of the main character is perfectly B-Movie normal. Apparently, there was nobody else in the entire world involved or available to help fight the lampreys that were threatening the entire country except these few wildlife experts. Despite the emergency situation, they calmly got in their vehicles, buckled up and observed the speed limits as they drove off.

Of course, the weed eater scenes were very funny and received a lot of attention on Twitter during the first broadcast. There are many more B-Movie details that you can look for just for fun. Remember that these things were done on purpose, which then supports the obvious conclusion that “Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys” achieves its goals.

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