Perhaps the biggest challenge and obstacle a newly blended family faces and must overcome in order to be happy and successful, is the issue of blended family discipline. Unlike nuclear families where two parents raise their children from infancy and are able to develop and establish rules and discipline strategies over time, couples in blended families are often thrown into situations where they have to deal with conflicting parenting styles combined with resentment from step children who do not respect them or feel they should have to listen to someone who is not their real parent.
The first and most important step in developing blended family discipline as a couple is creating a united front. You must support each other completely in your effort to build your blended family. You can do this by establishing boundaries and house rules in advance of your marriage that everyone must follow. Do not waiver or make exceptions. This way, there is not the added conflict of the kids pitting the parents against each other. You can offset dissension by having frequent family meetings where you revisit and possibly renegotiate previous agreements.
Be patient and don't expect your step child to immediately respect you and honor your requests and know that in some instances it is best to defer to the biological parent to deliver the enforcing discipline. For instance, if your step daughter asks you if she can hang out at the mall with her friends and you know that is not allowed you can always respond by saying, "What would your dad say? Let's ask him." That way you are not the bad guy and your step daughter knows she can't manipulate you.
In addition, don't be a "fixer" even if you think your step kids watch too much TV, don't spend enough time on their homework and don't get enough exercise, even if you are well intentioned, your efforts to change or overhaul the situation immediately will come across as criticism and could undermine your spouse's authority.
Instead of trying to be a parent right away to your step children, approach them as if you were a favorite aunt or uncle; someone who cares about them and wants what is best for them. Spend time alone with them. Indulge them a bit. Get to know them on their level. Don't try to change them.
Finally, accept them for who they are, understand that they are hurting and confused and eventually you will gain their trust and respect and they will listen to you and obey you because they want to please you and make you happy.
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