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Black churches blamed for the high numbers of single Black women in the U.S.

A shocking article penned by blogger, dating expert and advice columnist Deborrah Cooper sparked a series of heated debates on websites and social media sites yesterday.

In The Black Church – How the Black Church Keeps African American Women Single and Lonely, Cooper charges traditional African American churches with responsibility for the high numbers of single Black women in the United States. The author focused a critical eye on the conservative, outdated policies and behaviors mandated for women by Black spiritual leaders that limit options for Black women and keep them focused on serving the church instead of serving themselves.

Citing statistics from a survey published in 2009 by the PEW Research Center ("U.S. Religious Landscape Survey"), Deborrah blasted the Black church for "placing its Black female congregation on their knees praying for love and an 'equally yoked marriage with a God-fearing man." However the reality is that most single upstanding Black men are not interested in attending church… ever.

"Black women are wasting their lives sitting in church patiently following their Pastor's mandate that they wait for love to come. It is my stance that these Pastors have a vested interest in keeping thousands of women single and in service to their churches."

The PEW data which summarizes the Black experience with religion in "A Religious Portrait of African Americans," reports that African-Americans are among the most likely to report a formal religious affiliation, with fully 87% of African-Americans describing themselves as belonging to one religious group or another."

The study concluded that no group of men or women from any other racial or ethnic background exhibits comparably high levels of religious observance.

"The results of this survey are disturbing to me," said Cooper. "Looking at the numbers, more than half (53%) of Black Americans attend church services at least once per week However, when the numbers are broken down by gender, we find that 84% of Black women feel religion is very important to them, and about 60% attend services at lest once per week. Black men, however, are almost twice as likely as Black women to be unaffiliated with any particular religion. Well, what does all that mean? It means that Black men are not going to be sitting up in church on Sunday or any other day! Black churches are full of lonely Black women praying and waiting on the Lord to send along a husband instead of getting outside of the church, placing themselves in environments where eligible bachelors are."

Cooper declared that there are basically four types of single men that can be found in church, and deems them all undesirable. "There's the loser guy, down on his luck and in recovery of some sort, working a 12-step program. Then we have the guys that are confused about their sexuality seeking guidance and forgiveness. Another large segment of the single male population in churches are nothing but opportunistic players on the prowl, playing games with the lonely, intimacy starved females there. You'll also find quite a few elderly ex-players that realized they should slow down and find a wife so they won't have to die alone."

Deborrah suggests that Black women reduce their dependence on churches and Black men as the sole source for fulfillment of their romantic needs. She openly advocates that church be reduced to a minimal component of a single woman's social life.

"Instead of sitting in church all the time, get out and go where men are! Broaden your horizons and interact with some of the great single guys of other cultures, other races and other religions."

Reader comments posted on Facebook, other social media sites and on the Surviving Dating blog by both men and women were overwhelmingly positive. Several thanked Ms. Cooper for her courageous criticism of the institution that is the Black church and its emotional and financial hold over Black women -- something few African American women have been willing to do, until yesterday.

Click to read the full text of The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African American Women Single and Lonely.

Comments

  • CBK 3 years ago

    My question for Ms. Cooper is this...When it's time to stand before the Lord, (which won't be long) is that relationship with that "great" earthly man going to save your soul, or is it your relationship with Jesus Christ that's going to save you?

    There are definitely issues that need to be revisited concerning Black women/Black men marriages. However, Ms. Cooper is way off base with her "solution."

  • Shamontiel (Chicago Relationships Examiner) 3 years ago

    Now this entry definitely caught my attention considering I'm agnostic but always believed you could always find a man in church. I've never done it, but even going to church events to support family and friends from childhood to adulthood, I saw boys and men all around, specifically at men's group events. I'm not going to go so far as to say that church pastors and reverends make it hard for black women to find men. They just act like strict fathers who want the women of their church to find "worthy" men. Again, I'm agnostic, but I've never dated a guy who was agnostic or atheist. I've found guys who have "found" their religion tend to be more positive than those who are shouting about "ain't no God!" But my own philosophy is you can be positive w/o being religious. I am. But I do recall Chilli (from TLC) almost shutting down a very good guy (Farmer D) because he said he was agnostic when he was little. She said flat out she wouldn't talk to him if he didn't believe in God.

  • Shamontiel (Chicago Black Hair & Health Examin 3 years ago

    (cont.) I thought that was so short-sighted. She didn't end up picking him, and I honestly think that's the reason why. Although I've never dated anyone who was agnostic, I would as long as he's a positive person. But who I wouldn't date is somebody trying to thump me over the head with a Bible every three seconds to convert me. That irritates me to no end. On that end, I can see going out the box to find other men.

    Women can find guys at other places. Try hardware stores. Try Real Men Cook events (Father's Day is coming up). Try volunteer programs geared to young men. And if a woman likes sports, she's ALL THE WAY in there!

  • Shamontiel (Chicago Black Hair & Health Examin 3 years ago

    Correction: Farmer D said he was atheist, not agnostic. She went on Twitter saying he's now Jewish, but my attitude was "What difference does it make? If you two get along and he doesn't try to make you not be religious, date him. He doesn't have to have your religious views to be a good guy." Then again, I guess I now see the downside of pastors and reverends pushing women to only date "God-fearing men." Why should I have to fear anybody to be dateable?

  • Deborrah Cooper 3 years ago

    CBK - you feel my solution is off base because you believe in church. It's part and parcel of your belief system in Jesus and all that rigamarole. Those that do not believe in that stuff find no value in limiting one's search for love to the box of one specific religion. Many wonderful marriages have been between people of different faiths, as well as between believers and non-believers. As long as the two people involved respect each other as people, and respect their way of moving through the world, there should be no problem. Black women create their own problems in this respect, by holding onto ridiculous levels of believe in ONE way of doing things - the way mandated by their Pastor or minister. I stand by my belief that the Black church with its conservatism and judgments is stifling the growth and forward progress not only of Black women, but the whole Black community.

  • ASJ 3 years ago

    Obvivously this writer of this article doesn't attend church or believe in God. You can not blame the Church for the reason that black women are single. Most Black women have a very high standard for men that can be sometimes ridiculous and unreasonable. Many women feel that there is a lack of good quality upstanding men in their communities. I recently single woman and I am not single because of what I am taught at Church, all of the data included in this article doesn't represent all single African American women in the U.S.

  • Profile picture of Deborrah Cooper
    Deborrah Cooper 3 years ago

    Did I ever say that it did? Sheesh. You can call back the ALL POLICE, okay? LOLOLOL!!! And I can do anything I please. I am sharing my thoughts and my opinions. No one has to agree with me but that won't change my stance. I know I am right and some day those naysayers will realize with a shock that I figured out something 25 years before they did. I'll be famous then, but too dead to appreciate it.

  • CBK 3 years ago

    Anyone who reads this blog and is a genuine follower of Christ, you must remember what the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 2:14..."But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned."

    Deborrah Cooper is a text book example of this verse. Because she is NOT a believer, she is NOT qualified to discuss issues concerning the church, God or His Word. We as believers understand that we are in very evil days. Tragically, people like Deborrah Cooper are "tools" of Satan, who are being used to lead those who are not rooted and grounded in Christ away from the Truth.

    Those of us who are discerning, will recognize this and the anti-Christ spirit that is at work in this blog.

    .....And this I say, lest any man should beguile you with enticing words. (Colossians 2:4)

  • Profile picture of Deborrah Cooper
    Deborrah Cooper 3 years ago

    It is because I am NOT a follower of some dead guy that makes me fully qualified. Black people really need to wake up and stop following this nonsense believing in invisible spooky spirits that send you to hell and chastise and punish you if you are naughty. There is no such thing as God. It's all made up. It's made up to keep masses of people frightened and doing what those in power want you to do. It's made up to keep masses of you thinking and acting like robots. It's made up to keep those that want you to be meek and malleable on your knees instead of standing up fighting for your rights. Every single Black meeting begins with Black folks praying to God. Oh please! What a waste of time. You may as well sing the Mousketeers Mickey Mouse song, that's about how much good it does. Until Black people stop reciting passages from some made up book and instead use their brains and personal power to come up, we will continue to be economically at the bottom of the totem pole and educationally deficient. GET OFF YOUR KNEES. GET OUT OF CHURCHES. KEEP YOUR MONEY AND INVEST IT FOR YOUR CHILDREN. MOBILIZE YOURSELVES and CREATE A POWER BASE. THINK!!! THEN ACT!

  • Liz Walters 3 years ago

    Thank you CBK. Ms. Cooper will never fully understand and it will just go around and around. True Christians can never be with someone from another faith. It will only bring them down and away from their goal. Trust me, i've tried. I am white and single and I go to a mixed church. I am waiting for a "man of God" not because my pastor told me but because I love God and I want me and my husband to do His will and plan together. If I am with a man from another faith, how can this happen? I'm gonna stick to what I know and you try yours and see where it gets you.

  • Profile picture of Deborrah Cooper
    Deborrah Cooper 3 years ago

    Christians and Jews make their marriages work well. The highest divorce rates are in the Bible Belt with the Bible thumping Christians leading the way. The lowest divorce rates are among Atheists. Now how is it that a similar belief in God creates a better marriage? Stats do not show that at all, and in reality show just the opposite. Religion places women in a choke hold and when a woman wakes up and realizes she has been sold a bill of goods, she bolts from the nonsense.

  • hidaya 3 years ago

    Ms. Cooper is speaking about the POLITICS of the church instead of the Holy Spirit. Yes, the politicing of the church is annoying and I can do without that part. The Holy Spirit is within me.always.whether I'm sitting on a pew or laying in my bed. The Blood will never lose it's power.

    Black women, in their right minds, go to church to hear a word from the Lord... not to look around the sanctuary seeking a mate. Be still & seek the Lord for guidance, which is not found from the likes of Ms. Cooper.

  • LLF 3 years ago

    Ms. Cooper, are you trying to send everyone to hell? The article began stating that the single Black women in the church are busy serving the church rather than themselves. That is the problem with the world today. People are busy serving the their flesh rather than God. More importantly, since we are the church, then we are serving ourselves and others. Ms. Cooper complained about single Black women in the church waiting for God fearing men who love them to come into their lives, because they do not want to be unequally yoked. Why would a Christian woman want to marry a heathen? If she does marry unequally yoked, then she is headed for an uphill battle. Church is not something that you do. It is who you are. Since when did waiting for God to send you the man that He has tailored made for you so that your marriage will be blessed, become a bad thing. That kind of thinking is going to send a whole lot of people to divorce court or have a spiritually unhealthy marriage.

  • Profile picture of Deborrah Cooper
    Deborrah Cooper 3 years ago

    Maybe God sent you a heathen to work with him? Did you ever think of that? Of course not. Are Christians not mandated to go out and spread The Word? Well if you stay in the church talking amongst and marrying each other like a secret incestuous club, what good are you doing? Are you afraid that your faith is so weak that someone that is not "of the church" could sway you away with just a few words? That's what it sounds like to me! If one blog post can 'send everyone to hell' then that would mean that you fear the power of my pen is a lot greater than the word of the God you pray to, right? If you are not afraid, then you have nothing to worry about when someone has a controverting opinion, and no need to feel threatened by me and what I write.

  • CEK11 3 years ago

    Very interesting and good analysis (the 4 types of men is prob accurate in certain churches) but I think Ms. Cooper started out with a prejudice against certain types of black churches and wrote an article to support that prejudice. Do churches use their teaching to keep it's proverbial foot on sister's necks? In the churches I've attended it's a more much more passive phenom than telling women to stay away from men who are "equally yoked". Black women seem to come to this conclusion themselves based on their understanding of New Testament words. And Cooper doesn't account for the reality of Muslim congregations that have stronger expressed do's and don'ts and yet attract a lot of black men.

  • Profile picture of Deborrah Cooper
    Deborrah Cooper 3 years ago

    Black men love the Muslims because that religion is the most sexist and the most condemning and controlling of women. Men that feel weak and fearful always gravitate to organizations and groups that encourage male superiority. It shores up their waning sense of manhood. Muslims are even worst about female freedom than Protestant Christian religions are. I have nothing good to say about any of them. I would not advise women to be involved with men of either belief system. No need to focus on Muslims specifically because the Christian churches do enough damage to Black women. You can take the message and apply it to any religion or church/mosque/temple that controls what women do and think and be and say. They are all the same.

  • dcmdva 3 years ago

    Wow!

  • Don 3 years ago

    Did Ms. Cooper just call Jesus Christ "rigamarole"? "CBK - you feel my solution is off base because you believe in church. It's part and parcel of your belief system in Jesus and all that rigamarole." Maybe I don't understand the meaning of rigamarole! I certainly don't understand Ms. Coopers purpose with this article, but I hpoe she donates all the money she makes from it to a charity without any rigamarole!

  • Profile picture of Deborrah Cooper
    Deborrah Cooper 3 years ago

    What money?

  • cym 3 years ago

    for a person to follow the PASTOR right there shows lack of knowledge in GODS word....i attend church regularly and i have not once heard my pastor mention anything of the sort if you are christian you should follow the word not man....this is outdated....we all know that the church is a hospital for the sick do we go to mental institutions and hospitals looking for men.....

  • Harryette 3 years ago

    Ms. Cooper, in my opinion, what you spew is the objective
    overview of how you see your own existence. To blame the church for black women being single and lonely is ludicrous and generalist in an approach to analyze a situation. Other variables, such as, black men of so called esteemed status seem to find their delight in the company of white woman.(In my opinion). Many of our black men, from teens, have inherited the struggles of the parent before them and are trapped in systematic turmoil, i.e prisons. This is also part of the ratio that makes black men unavailable. I could go on and on if space would permit. I will allow you this; that women are not as empowered through the black churches as they should be. ...but to exclusively blame back churches, sounds like a personal problem...your own.

  • mmd 3 years ago

    I dont know how this got to the point its at, but i see it as a personal choice for anyone to go to church.No one forced any woman black or any other race to stay in the church and wait for love.This is a choosing of ones own choice whether or not they go to church or wait for love.You can wait for love and not attend church and you can go to church and still run after love.So whats the point here?

  • Shamontiel (Chicago News & Events Examiner) 3 years ago

    Okay, I came back to this entry just to see what was going on. LLF, you are proving Cooper's point when you say "Why would a Christian woman want to marry a heathen? If she does marry unequally yoked, then she is headed for an uphill battle." You are making an asinine assumption that someone who is not Christian must be a heathen, but you don't point out that MANY people who are in church are past "heathens." You also seem to believe that someone who is not religious must be a heathen. That them vs. us mentality is the reason why we have so many problems with religion and politics today. Everybody has brainwashed themselves into believing that what they've said must be true, never mind that that the Bible was a manmade book and passed down from word of mouth. It is very possible that someone could be positive and be agnostic or atheist.

  • Marlin Reid 3 years ago

    This article is a load of bull.it sounds to me that Deborah Cooper is no expert on anything. She sounds like the lonely black women that she is describing & now wants to lash out at the church.
    black women are least likely to be married & most likely to be divorced, more likely to have pre martial sex before 18, teen pregnancy rate is twice as high as other races,black women have an abortion rate 3tx higher than white women.
    Black people make up 13% of the population in U.S.A. thats about 29 million blacks. 75% of them go to no church of any kind. 25% attend weekly services & that is divided up between Jehovah's witnesses,muslim, & christianity.
    (check US census)
    So Deborah should check her facts for blaming the church. Men want to sleep with women. The church is not the blame . here is another example of a black women trying to pass the blame on somebody else. these problems are systemic not localized to one source.

  • CBK 3 years ago

    @Shomantiel, your comment reveals that just like Deborah Cooper, you ARE NOT qualified to speak accurately on Christian or Biblical issues. The reason why you don't agree with LLF, is because you don't agree with GOD. You believe the Bible is a "man-made" book because you do not have the Spirit of God inside of you. Please stick to topics that you are more familiar with...such as Black Hair and the like. Jesus said it best...

    "No servant is greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the One who sent me" (John 15:20-21)

  • Shamontiel (Chicago Fragrance Examiner) 3 years ago

    @CBK, first of all, if you're going to spell my name, make sure you spell it correctly. Second of all, know my background. I'm a freelance reporter who writes about politics, news, relationships, fragrances, arts and entertainment, and yes, black hair. But I also talk about health and have written about religion. The topics I write about professionally do not exclude me from talking about a subject I grew up around.

  • Shamontiel (Chicago News & Events Examiner) 3 years ago

    @CBK, second of all, before you make an arse of yourself again, don't assume anything about my background before you check my work. Not only did I grow up in a church for 13 years, I have family members who are heavy hitting members of churches, including my own father who is a deacon. I was not only raised Baptist, baptized, and read all of that stuff in the Bible, I also STILL attend church events to support my own family. I didn't just jump up one day and decide to criticize religion. It took me years to come to this decision. And the fact remains that the Bible was written and rewritten by man. This isn't something you can dispute because you do realize the people writing it are human beings, right? If not, you might want to head back to bible school to get the basics. If anything, this Examiner's article makes valid points about those who are NOT in the church because of issues like this. What the hell does "Jesus said it best" about me reporting on black hair care products?

  • Shamontiel (Chicago Black Hair & Health Examin 3 years ago

    @CBK Third of all, If you don't agree with me, fine, but at least have a logical argument instead of pouting on one topic among many that I write about. You can put as many Bible entries in here that you want to. The fact remains you still don't have a valid basis. I'm not convinced you can even give "an excellent rebuttal" considering your OWN points have no validation. But the next time you want to tell me what I'm equipped to talk about, check my employment background. I go way heavier on topics about religion and politics than I do about hair and have been reporting for years. Don't put your foot in your mouth again. Talk about the subject. Don't swing that catty mess my way.

  • Rogina 3 years ago

    Shamontiel, I am sorry that you feel the way you do about the Bible, however God is a sovereign God and he capable of miracles and love, and because he is so powerful God is capable of preserving his word too. He had very capable men that he appointed to write his word and to translate it. We can trust God for Salvation and to go to heaven, but we can’t trust God to preserve his word? Don’t put god in a box he is to powerful for that. I too have had bad experiences with people in the church, but that is why they are in church to grow and it is not an overnight process. There are some people who never grow up spiritually, but that should not affect your relationship with God. This is why it is important to seek the Lord for what is the truth, and when you don’t he will help to heal all of your hurts if you allow him too. I pray you will seek God for your direction and the truth about this word.

  • Rogina 3 years ago

    As for the article that is bogus, the problem with black woman and the new generation of women of every color is that they will not submit and humble themselves. Women feel they have to tell the man how to be a man instead of praying for him and let God change him. I minister to woman every day and I know it is their attitudes that are hindering more than anything else.

  • Shamontiel (Chicago Relationships Examiner) 3 years ago

    @Rogina I hear everything you're saying, but I'm going to be honest with you. It sounds like you're reading from cue cards. I've heard this rationale time and time again. Why do you assume that I'm "hurt" or have had "bad experiences"? This is my issue with religious people. Too many times those who are religious assume those who are not must be ashamed or hurt or misguided. My whole point is that you can be agnostic and be a happy, successful, confident person. I am. I don't knock those who go to church, but I think religion in itself is incredibly naive. Parting water. This make believe spirit who let his son get killed on a cross. A woman eating an apple and rationalizing that for periods. I just don't buy into it. No disrespect to you, but it just sounds like the ultimate fiction book to me. With all this power this being has, whenever people who do believe in him suffer, then it's "God works in mysterious ways." There are too many excuses.

  • Shamontiel (Chicago Relationships Examiner) 3 years ago

    @Rogina What makes you think women should "submit"? Where is this golden book that says you must be submissive and bow down to someone who is not on your level? That sounds a whole lot like settling. Men don't settle. Why should a woman? That opinion just about discredits the entire women's movement. Praying for a man does not change him. He has to be willing to make those changes on his own, with or without church. Every time I read a comment supporting church, it supports every single point in Deborrah's entry. It's a little depressing to read about so many women who have been brainwashed into believing that someone who is not religious is somehow not worthy or it's the woman's fault. *sigh* Oh well. Anyway, best of luck to you all in your marriages, relationships, etc.

  • Edward 3 years ago

    How about if we bring our BLACK men back to the CHURCH? 98% of the problems in our communities can be directly correlated to UNCHURCHED black men. Drugs,gangs,theft,abuse and every other demon-inspired transgression against GOD can be traced to not being taught the word of GOD. I have lived in BOTH worlds and suffer from the repercussions of the FIRST life everyday as I watch my son(who is incarcerated) and my grandchildren suffer because of the life I used to live OUTSIDE of the CHURCH! Now I live a SAVED and sanctified life in JESUS CHRIST and the blessing is that it gives them and others hope!

  • stephrob 3 years ago

    SAD VERY SAD!!! It is a disheartening thing to see the way that we attack each other and there belief system. Nobody makes you do something that you don't want to do.

  • Deborrah Cooper SF Dating Advice Examiner 3 years ago

    Shamontiel, I want to thank you for having my back on this. I have been busy with media interviews about this article and haven't been on the Examiner page in weeks. It's interesting to see how people really don't have anything to say about the facts of the article. Instead what these "good Christians" do is attack me personally, using the ad hominem tactic which involves denigrating the messenger so you can feel justified in ignoring the message. Well folks, I know that trick and it won't work. Not one of you has anything to say about the high numbers of Black women in churches, spending their money supporting pimp preachers. Not one of you can deny that Black men are too smart and up on game to be played in that way and ain't giving their money to NOBODY. Not one of you can deny that religion is the biggest con game in the history of the world. Just say "God" or "Jesus" and you religious types assume the person is a saint! So naive, so gullible.

  • Deborrah Cooper SF Dating Advice Examiner 3 years ago

    @Edward - Dude you knew right from wrong when you were doing it. Church isn't making you do or not do anything, you are. So if you chose to act a fool and now have decided not to, that is your choice. A church building has nothing to do with what you decided to do to change the direction of your life. The same spiritual strength you are drawing on now you could have drawn on years before. You chose not to. Your logic about church is faulty. The issues which affect the Black community as a whole and our men in particular have nothing to do with going to church because Black women go all the time and they are still suffering from the same ills! That makes no sense. I think religions are a gang, as one pits its dogma against another, people kill others around the world and use God as their excuse. Is that not a gang mentality?

  • CBK 3 years ago

    @Shamontiel, I ask this with all sincerity...Please forgive me. I can see I've really upset you and I understand how. I was antagonistic in my reply and that's not the way I should have handled this. What I hope and pray is that you will one day come to know the truth. I know you think you understand and that "us Christians" are deluded, but that's all a great big supernatural deception. You say you've been to church, you've read your Bible and you've gone through the whole "religious" experience. Well, that's the problem right there. It's not about religion...it's about relationship with a true and living God. He's real and no matter how much I write to you, I can't make you see that. It may sound like a cop out to you, but it's not...God is a Spirit and those who worship Him, MUST do it in spirit and in truth. I used to go to church just because that's how I was raised and then I met the REAL Jesus!!!

  • CBK 3 years ago

    @Shamontiel, 2ND... I agree with you and Ms. Cooper that so much injustice has been done "in the name of the Lord." But we can't throw the baby out with the bath water. Once you have a true encounter with God, it's impossible to turn back. All of those who have misrepresented the truth of the gospel will answer for their wicked deeds. You cannot truly encounter God by just going to church, or reading the Bible or even attending Bible school. All of these are good things to do, but they are not enough. They only produce religion. What's needed is RELATIONSHIP! Just as yourself, I'm a very educated and accomplished journalist/broadcaster. I've done television, radio, stage plays etc. However, none of my recognition or worldly accomplishments are going to save me at the end of the day. For what good does it do a man/woman to gain this whole world, but lose his/her soul??

  • CBK 3 years ago

    @Shamontiel, 3RD,I know you've heard it all before and it seems like blah, blah, blah. I used to feel that way too. :) However, I say call on the Lord and see if He won't answer. BUT, do it with a heart that really wants Him. I PROMISE YOU..if you do this with a sincere heart, He will answer and you won't be the same. The existence of a Creator is evident in nature and the universe. BUT, WHO HE REALLY IS ON A PERSONAL LEVEL, can only be attained by His Spirit. No one comes to the Father, unless they are drawn by Him. This is why I say arguing about who wrote the Bible and whose right and whose wrong is futile. All scripture is God-breathed. Men who were inspired by God and filled with His Spirit penned the greatest Love story ever written...the Bible. And no matter how much I say this to you, ONLY God Himself can reveal it. My prayer is that you will call upon Him and receive that mind blowing, life altering, soul saving revelation! PEACE!

  • CBK 3 years ago

    @Shamontiel...thought I should also clear up a misunderstanding. When I wrote the "Jesus said it best" comment, I put three periods after it to indicate I was about to quote a scripture. The verse I wrote at the bottom, were the words of Jesus. Hope this helps. Take care!

  • Churchman 3 years ago

    Are the complaints about a lack of available good black men limited to the church? Should black pastors be telling their single black female congregants to accept anything coming through the door with a body temp. of 98.6? Your position is preposterous as is your article.Throwing statistics out from a study that has nothing to do with the premise of your article is disingenuos and as manipulative as the black pastore you are so distainful of.However,the greater insult is to all those black women who you feel are stupid and in need of your guidance or is that misguidance

  • Christian 3 years ago

    Wow! Deborah thinks black women in churches are short sited. She needs to get out some more. "Most single upstanding black men are not interested in going to church...ever." So I guess all you black men out there in church are not 'upstanding'. Whatever. And she paints the picture that these women NEVER do anything outside of church to pursue men. This is also nuts. There are more places to find guys besides strip clubs and bars! You ever hear of the internet? I do not think Deborah goes to church. So she is trying to judge a situation that she does not completely understand, and therefore comes up with this ridiculous conclusions.

  • Profile picture of Deborrah Cooper
    Deborrah Cooper 3 years ago

    I would not be caught dead in a church. Why? Because I fully understand what is going on. You should read my article about how you too can start a Black Church. It's up on my survivingdating blog.

  • Min. NDB 3 years ago

    Please be very careful of the tactics the devil uses to try and get us away from God's teachings and purposes for our lives! One needs to ask themselves has the person writing been HURT by someone?

  • Anonymous 3 years ago

    Great article!! I have been saying this for years. Thank you, thank you, thank you, !! I sent this article to my daughter, she finally realizes that what I taught her is true.

  • article 3 months ago

    get the state to stop paying women to get pregnant out of wedlock and those churches will be PACKED full of people. Being wed to the church is an analogy for being wed to the state for the benefits of childbirth (no not the birth itself ladies calm down) without needing to be wary of the character of the man brought home.

    It truly is a self serving system and suggesting black women leave the church to mate with people of all races (funny because this had nothing to do with interracial dating lol), is an assbackward solution to a problem that stems from the worlds invalidation of marriage as a form of fulfillment and family building.

    The last thing you want to do is take the risk of mixing with other races in hopes of finding a family that will accept a black woman into their family. Thanks integrated pretty lady but you're not helping other women by spouting this drivel.

  • Da Truth 3 months ago

    Raised Christian. Raised in church. It had it's positives; but this article is on point. Haven't been there but for a funeral of a friend's parent. I am Black, female and unconfused. Please refrain from hailing scripture; I know them all. As for finding a great husband in church - my Dad saw something foul by a minister as a child; he never went back. Yet he never mistreated my Mom the way that so-called "church men" did (physical, sexual, financial abuse). Common sense must always prevail.

  • M. Snyder 1 month ago

    Thank You!! I couldn't have put it better! Single & Lonely? I think not!! Better to have the Black church have a "Financial & emotional hold" than a man who, at the end of the day may only break your heart & leave you emptier than before you met him......Just my opinion.

  • Oni 1 month ago

    I have to agree with this women.. I was raised in the church, thought that all men that went to church was good.. News flash i was very wrong in thinking that... I was in church with Satan sitting right beside me, that is why i don"t do churches at this time. I still love, pray to God daily" but i refused to go to church anymore and be subject to there lies, what a men needs type of bull crap!

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