( As transcribed live from a recent broadcast on Ice-D TV ( totally ficticious).
(applause in background fades down...)
DRIVER: Thank you very much. Glad to be here.
HOST: Before we get started, you are Canadian, correct?
HOST: And so is Justin Bieber, correct?
DRIVER. I apologize. Yes, I am Canadian and so is Justin Bieber and I apologize. Now and forever.
HOST: Good. We have that out of the way. Now, on with the show. We dipped into our mailbag and we have a question -- Diane, of Saskatratchatcahwan --did I say that correctly...?
DRIVER: No, but that's fine. Carry on.
HOST: ( chuckles) Diane would like to know if you have hit anything while driving your big yellow school bus?
DRIVER: (blushing) Yes. More than once.
HOST: Tell us about it.
DRIVER: Well, while driving a big bus in the city, I have knocked off mirrors from parked cars. Did that twice. Both times my fault. Was paying more attention to where my upcoming stop was located than I was to my actual driving. These runs were new to me, but still -- no excuse. I goofed.
HOST: Anything else?
DRIVER: Oh yeah. Then there was the time I tried to go down an alley and clipped the corner of a garage. Broke a window on the bus but no one was hurt. Big lesson there was: --If you can't do it safely, don't do it. I'll never do that again!
HOST: I can see why. Is there more?
DRIVER: Well, the best one was when I had a smaller bus, a busette. It was parked in my drive way. I got the bus ready to leave but I was a few minutes behind my time, so to speak..so I quickly zoomed back, out of the driveway and right into my neighbour's car. Most embarrasing.
HOST: Was there a lesson to be learned from that one?
DRIVER: There always is. This time, the neighbour had parked his car in a different spot. A place he had never parked before. I should have taken a better look behind me before doing what I did. A few extra seconds would have saved me a lot of grief.
HOST: Sounds like you lead an exciting life. We'll have you back again for more, ok? Then you can tell us how many times your bus has been stuck in snow. ( see video)
DRIVER: Sounds good to me. And sorry again about Justin Bieber.
HOST: No problem. I think Loverboy and Nickelback make up for him.
(wild applause...cameras fade to black...cue the commercial)
More from The Mailbag next time. And for constant reader Drina from Cambodia, we have a map just for you. (see map) ( Box 429)