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Beware the Polar Vortex

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Temperatures across the country plummeted to record lows last week. Global warming? I think not Al Gore. It was just a good old fashioned winter icy cold explosion that rocks us all every now and then. One that Al Roker on The Weather Channel labeled a Polar Vortex.

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Now the Polar Vortex is somewhat different than the Cosmic Vortex and the Sedona Vortex. It isn’t even close to the Horseshoe Vortex which was a sexual maneuver I used to use back in my college days. Ah, college.

Nonetheless, they are all a vortex or “vortices” which believe it or not is the plural form of vortex. Much like the word “kinfessess” is the plural to knife. A vortex is a spiral motion of fluid within a limited area, such as a whirling mass of water or air that sucks everything near it toward its center. Sounds almost like an ex-wife.

A vortex is very common but can be persistent as was the case of last week’s weather pattern. Common vortices are also things such as smoke rings, whirlpools, boat wakes and dust devils.

The Sedona vortex is different because it is created by spiritual energy as opposed to wind or water. They are common out in New Mexico and the desert in the Southwest along with shamans, peyote buttons, tequila and magic mushrooms. Here’s a good cosmic recipe illustrating it.

Sedona Cerebral Vortex Chili

1 ½ Lbs. Tomatillos, Skin Peeled & Washed

5 Garlic Cloves, Not Peeled

2 Jalapenos, Chopped

2 Poblano Chiles, Cleaned & Chopped

1 Bunch Cilantro, Chopped

4 Lbs. Pork Butt, Cut into 1 to 2-inch Cubes

Sea Salt/Freshly Ground Black Pepper

Olive Oil

Onions, Chopped

3 Garlic Cloves, Finely Chopped

2 Tbs. Chili Powder

1 Tbs. Oregano

1 Tsp. cumin

2 ½ Cups Chicken Stock

Pinch of Ground Clove

Cut the tomatillos in half and place cut side down, along with 5 unpeeled garlic cloves and the peppers, on a foil-lined baking sheet. Place under a broiler for about 5-7 minutes to lightly blacken the skin. Remove from oven, let cool enough to handle.

Place tomatillos and peppers into blender. Remove the now roasted garlic cloves from their skins, add them to the blender. Pulse until all ingredients are finely chopped and mixed. Add chopped cilantro.

Season the pork cubes generously with salt and pepper. Heat olive oil in a large, heavy-bottomed skillet over medium high heat and brown pork chunks well on all sides. Work in batches so that the pork is not crowded in the pan and has a better chance to brown well. Using a slotted spoon or tongs, lift pork out of pan and place in bowl, set aside.

Pour off excess fat, anything beyond a tablespoon, and place the onions and garlic in the same skillet and cook, stirring occasionally until limp, about 5 minutes. If your skillet is large enough to cook the entire batch of chile verde, with the sauce and meat, then add the pork back to the pan. If not, get a large soup pot and add the onion mixture and the pork to it. Add the chili powder and dried herbs to the pan. Add the tomatillo chile verde sauce to the pork and onions. Add the chicken stock (enough to cover the meat). Add a pinch of ground cloves. Add a little salt and pepper.

Bring to a boil and reduce to a slight simmer. Cook for 2-3 hours uncovered or until the pork is fork tender.

But relax everybody, Spring is right around the corner and soon enough everyone will be bitching about Global Warming again while relaxing poolside with a frou-frou drink and an umbrella. Until then, sit back and enjoy this refresher then check out the video.

Vortex Cocktail

1 Shot Strawberry Vodka

½ Shot Capt Morgan

1 Shot Cranberry Juice

Splash of 7-Up

½ Lime

Fill an old fashioned-type cocktail glass with ice. Pour strawberry vodka, coconut rum, and cranberry juice cocktail over the ice; top off with lemon-lime soda. Squeeze lime into cocktail, stir, and serve.

See you in the Spring everybody.

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