To transform our experience we must come to terms with how much a clear non-judgmental consciousness relates to how we observe others. What beliefs do you attach to someone before you even get to know them?
Walking into a singles joint can be as comical and weird as watching the classic bar scene from Star Wars. Milling around with big masks on our faces we do everything we can to keep from seeing the truth. We come into this world with an innocence and purity about life. Soon we start collecting data: visually, audibly, and sensory. We begin to fill our mind with ideas of what life should be and then form our expectation and desire for experience. As we get older the experiences we face give us a value system and a moral edification to live our lives as we believe they should be led.
Why aren’t we finding the life partner we want right now?
The answer is generated by our intention to move away from what we have experienced and indulge in the fruits of completing the lessons given to us, then growing from them to create real change in our lives. When we meet a wonderful guy or girl and may even feel some connection, there is still this relationship stigma we place on them that they have nothing to do with. Within seconds we make judgments and determinations on just how this person might fit into our lives. These associations are based on feelings, attitudes and experiences we have had about previous lovers.
How do we move beyond, the past?
The first step is to really look at what we feel we deserve when it comes to a loving relationship. Everyone is approaching others from an emotional and mental playing field; more than likely, wounded and confused. Taking time to be assisted by our own physical therapist (inner self) is essential to do before heading back out to the dating game. Taking a tough look at our involvement in a failed relationship gives us insight to see our fears from different vantage points while bringing into view real truths. Looking fear into the face is tough. We don’t want to admit we have that “side” to us -so we hide. We hide from the reality that all we want is to be loved.
Everyone is essentially looking for the same thing in partnership: to find their twin flame. The key here is to become the whole person first so we can see each other wholly. A twin flame mirrors and is malleable to our idiosyncrasies and life lessons. We go into hyperspace together; at least we believe we will. Yet, before this person can safely land in the heart of our environment, our personal exploration continues to steer us toward the center of gravity in our interior universe; knocking out galaxies of unneeded thoughts, blasting through asteroid fields of disappointments and shattered expectations in hopes of creating more spaciousness.
This weightless period is heavy as the foundation of our lives is being uprooted. We are detaching from an oxygen source that gave meaning to who we thought we were when we were with someone else. We start to find truth in singularity and silence.
Our final solo mission is to recognize, release and rejoice in the experiences of our lives thus far. We are not here to judge anyone, especially ourselves. The task is to look, heal, and then move on; pealing the multi-formed masks of pain and prejudice, one layer at a time. All facets of ourselves are beautiful and we reflect this magnificence back to others as we gain our self-confidence and self-worth. Our frequency of self-assurance is broadcast clearly when we hit this critical position. We are affecting lives in many ways even if we never come in contact with that person. Being the best we can be at all times - mentally, spiritually and emotionally is all life can ask of us - deliver it!
Now we are ready to re-root and find some compatible seeds for fertilizing. Frolicking on the dating ground we are feeling pretty good. Yet, we still have some padding on to comfort us if we fail – good ole ego. Regardless of who stands in front of us in this period of change, a twinge of uncertainty may still befall. Meeting someone new can feel frighteningly familiar. One might have the hair color and texture of the last girlfriend’s or the personality sparks an idealized memory of what could have been with the last one and our minds go racing with: re-call syndrome. Our heart skips a beat in excited anticipation, we begin to feel warm, sweat and then we land in the quicksand of confusion. We stop looking at the person with clarity and begin putting silent projections on our observations in what we think we are seeing. That person in front of us may just be the “one” and we are not allowing the flow of life to take its course as we may still be stuck in reverse; even though, we desperately want to move forward.
It is like spinning out our tires that have been wedged between rock and mud and we are pushing on the gas - splattering, sinking, sunk. A tow truck has to be called to have any chance of getting out of this massive hole. A message is broadcast on the side of the truck and says: You believe what you see… get yourself out! A chuckle comes from the inside, and a moment of frustration, as we read the decal realizing we continually put ourselves in the muddy mess of life.
We don’t need anyone to put blame on or to call up and give excuses to; it is our choice to perceive the life we want to live and the one we want to live it with. That person did not break our heart that we met at that park or at the show last night. The reality is either our heart is still broken or it is not open. Walking around with an open heart is difficult but it is the only way to walk in truth. If we cannot be truthful with ourselves and believe we are worthy of love, then we need to go back to the locker room and sit the game out. Don’t project false impressions or ideas to someone if we don’t mean it. We are doing ourselves, the innocent person we have met, and the universe a grand disservice.
Thinking about what we say is just about as important as picturing what we want; we are constantly manifesting our desires by our beliefs.
When we live our lives in fear we inhibit ourselves from experiencing joy. Fear has us wearing a Halloween mask all year long. Fear is not the friend we seek but many keep because it is somewhat comfortable. Living a life with an open heart makes us susceptible to tears and deep cuts but that is what we are here to endure. We are here to discover our true selves through others and the gifts we give each other by experiencing love. Love is the water we need to drink to keep from dehydrating and withering into staleness. Love is the food that nourishes our body, mind and spirit. Love is all there is - don’t keep ourselves from embracing it from fearing its shadow.
All true healing resolves within. Don’t let the past recreate our future as we do have the power to live happily, in love. Step out into the fresh fertile field with new cleats, a washed uniform, mirrored sunglasses and a big smile. Our soul mate is waiting on the the 50 yard line.