Better sex for women: It's (mostly) in the mind!

You too can be a sex goddess!   Photo/Pedro J. Perez

What turns women on? And how can they get more of it, for a better sex life?

Those are the questions at the heart of an excellent article in Women's Health Magazine now available online.

Here are the basic points of the article:

For guys, getting "in the mood" is pretty straightforward. But for women, it's much more complicated. Arousal for a woman must involve her heart, her genitals and her mind.

Says the article: "While male sexuality is fairly predictable—they tend to be aroused by naked women and naked women hooking up with other naked women—female sexuality is stimulated by a surprisingly wide array of turn-ons."

One big impediment to a woman's ability to get turned on, apparently, is the female gift for multitasking.  Woman's ability to do several things at once, and to think about other things while engaging in an activity, has led to a disconnect between the mind and the body.

This disconnect has been studied by researcher and professor Lori Brotto of the University of British Columbia's gynecology department.  To help women regain an immediacy of connection during sex, Brotto advises practicing the art of meditation, or mindfulness: "The idea is to enable women to stay focused on sex by integrating the physical with the mental. To try it at home, Brotto suggests spending 10 minutes a day paying very close attention to any activity—walking the dog, washing dishes, drinking a cup of coffee." She also suggests exploring your own body (in the shower, etc.), by touching yourself and learning what feels good to you.

Another major hindrance to women's sexual arousal is a negative self-image. "Women have to be convinced that they are desirable in order to believe that anyone else finds them desirable," says University of Nevada psychologist Marta Meana. 

So true, so true. How  many of us women find it hard to feel sexy because we think our thighs are fat? Or we have a few wrinkles or saggy boobs?  Says the article: "Meana works with her patients to help them figure out what would make them feel desirable. For some women, it might be as easy as buying sexy lingerie. For others, it might be overcoming physical insecurities by adopting a new workout routine."  And the good news is that our men don't really find these "imperfections" unsexy at all; so if women can become more secure with themselves, it will only benefit the relationship!

Bottom line: Learn to live in the moment and go with the flow! Don't worry about what's right or what's "normal."  If it feels good, do it—and then do more of it!