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Bench racing

Summer days at the local burger joint.
Summer days at the local burger joint.
Ken Spears

Bench racing is a disease that affects many; it crosses all boarders of race, creed, color and economic strata. It is, by definition, a group of people discussing the performance prowess of their vehicles, their driving skills or both. Bench racing tends to occur in a garage setting and often after certain beverages are consumed. At that point, car owners begin to experience braggadocio about their specific automotive brand and its merits over all other brands and models. This often goes hand in hand with lamenting the past and reliving the excitement of days gone by.

Bench racing can be controlled with guidance and will power. Sufferers can seek solace in each other but, usually, this can degenerate into another round of bench racing. One known treatment is called “put your money where your mouth is”. This is where the braggarts are forced to prove their statements in some kind of predetermined forum. One such forum is racing itself; a ride to the local track (never street race!!!) either cures bragging or increases it. Other lesser means could include charts and graphs from manufacturers regarding specific vehicle output, engine compositions and documented elapsed time trials.

In any case, treat the sufferer with care. They could be experiencing some kind of withdrawal and, although it is rarely dangerous, it could be contagious. In our nation’s snow belt, bench racing is reaching a fever pitch as inclement weather and early sunsets have halted the ability to enjoy one’s favorite ride. Help the affected hold on, good weather is approaching and, with it, the return to more appropriate activities. Remember, there is no cure for bench racing.