Ben Barnes uncensored and telling the naked truth

Ben Barnes

The first thing you need to know if you’re sitting in a hotel room with Ben Barnes is that you might need to find some aspirin nearby, after your sides start hurting from all the laughing you’ll end up doing. That’s because this talented British actor is completely hilarious and never boring.

And if you’re really lucky, Barnes will start singing while he’s having a conversation with you — like he did several times when I was talking with him in this one-on-one interview. (Trust me: I didn’t ask him to sing; he just spontaneously broke into song.) And if you hear him sing, there’s no need to cover your ears, since he really does have great vocal chops that match his versatile acting. Barnes — who was recently in New York City to promote his 1920s period comedy "Easy Virtue" — sings a few jazzy tunes on the "Easy Virtue" soundtrack, but in real life, his vocal style is more akin to the soulful pop of Stevie Wonder and Donny Hathaway, two of his musical heroes.

In this exclusive interview, Barnes opens up about the naked risks he took in the horror-styled hedonistic drama "Dorian Gray" (and why scenes from the movie had to be cut), what he finds the most annoying about dealing with the media, and why he thinks his "Easy Virtue" and "Dorian Gray" co-star Colin Firth is a "terrible mentor." (Full disclosure: The 1984 mockumentary "This Is Spinal Tap" is one of my all-time favorite movies, and Barnes happens to be a big "Spinal Tap" fan as well. So be warned that are many references to "Spinal Tap" in this interview. If you’re not familiar with the movie, you may not get some of the jokes.)

We were talking about movie sequels earlier today. Would you really want to be in Oliver Stone’s "Wall Street" sequel? Can we put that out there now and let people know?

Yeah, absolutely, I’d want to work with Oliver Stone. But let’s pitch something other than that.

Another Oliver Stone movie sequel, perhaps? What other sequel could Oliver Stone do of one of his movies? "Platoon"?

I wouldn’t want to touch that! I’d be terrified.

"Natural Born Killers"?

Oh yeah!

Ben Barnes

Well, you just finished killing people as Dorian Gray in "Dorian Gray," which is due out later this year, so I don’t know if you want to go there again by playing another immoral character who’s a murderer.

Maybe Oliver Stone doesn’t lend himself well to remakes or sequels, because he does them so well the first time.

So you play the drums. [Says jokingly] I hear Spinal Tap is looking for a drummer. If Spinal Tap called you to audition to be their new drummer, what would you do?

I would be there in seconds!

What about taking out life insurance? Don’t forget about that, because as a Spinal Tap drummer, you’re going to need it.

Yeah, of course. [At the audition] I would turn into a green globule on the drum seat. More of a stain, really. I love that film. I think Christopher Guest [who plays Spinal Tap guitarist Nigel Tufnel in "This Is Spinal Tap"] is a genius. You know my first-ever professional job was playing drums in "Bugsy Malone" on the West End.

Yes, I know. [Says jokingly] Well, maybe that’s why Spinal Tap doesn’t have a drummer yet. They’re waiting for the drummer who used to be in "Bugsy Malone" to free up his movie schedule.

God, I would do it in a second! It would be great.

Ben Barnes in "Easy Virtue"

You have a background in jazz, and on the "Easy Virtue" soundtrack there are jazzy renditions of pop songs like Rose Royce’s "Car Wash" and Billy Ocean’s "When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Going." If you made your own jazz album that consisted entirely of cover versions, what songs would you put on the album?

That’s a good question. Maybe some Kings of Leon. Anything with a nice melody, you can break them down. They do this cool thing on Radio One in England, where they … invite bands to do covers of whatever they want. There was a great one a few years ago, which was Lemar doing the Darkness’ "I Believe in a Thing Called Love."

The one that’s really famous from that is Amy Winehouse singing [he starts singing verses of "Valerie"], you know … "Valerie" — [the song] was originally done by a different band [the Zutons]. And I think it came from a Radio One show. I think that’s a really cool [concept].

Last year around this time, you were in the midst of the worldwide promotional tour for "The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian." Let’s talk about the highlights of that tour.

Well, New York was fantastic. I was exhausted in New York, because it was so busy and so hectic. Everyone was asking me how I felt all the time and I didn’t have a clue. I was just trying to keep up, really. The premiere was really wonderful, because it was the first time my family got to see ["Prince Caspian"] and everything. But it was overwhelming, because I had only just seen it myself and I didn’t know what to expect.

Then we started going around the world. Tokyo was a huge highlight. They really go all out. They had big trees outside and minotaurs and dry ice [at the "Prince Caspian" premiere in Tokyo]. It felt close to godliness walking down that red carpet. They [the fans at the premiere] were screaming and throwing things. That was amazing. That was a real blast.

Ben Barnes and a minotaur in Tokyo, 2008

[Says jokingly] Are you saying you’re now a Spinal Tap band cliché? You’re "big in Japan"?

Yeah, with "Sex Farm" [the name of a Spinal Tap song].

And then, of course, there was London, your hometown.

Yeah, we had the biggest premiere ever in England: 10,000 people. I had a few of my mates there and the red carpet was insane!

What’s the best concert experience you’ve ever had?

The first one I ever went to was Paul McCartney, for the brilliant "Flowers in the Dirt" album, which no one ever really liked, and I loved it! I had just taken up the drums and I remember using straws [as drumsticks] on people’s heads in front of me. "Live and Let Die" with the lasers. It was awesome!

More recently, for Christmas, my brother bought me Kings of Leon tickets, so we saw them at Wembley. They were great! I’d just gotten the Kings of Leon album ["Only by the Night"], and I listen to it over and over. So that was terrific.

I saw Mike McDonald once in London. I love his voice.

Ben Barnes at the "Prince Caspian" London premiere, 2008

Let’s clarify for anyone reading this interview. You’re talking about Michael McDonald, who used to be in the Doobie Brothers.

Yeah. [He starts singing a Michael McDonald song.]

[Says jokingly] Is this turning into a concert?

[He still keeps singing.]

[Says jokingly] Should I clap? Throw money at you? Raise a score card?

[He still keeps singing, louder.]

OK, I’m impressed. You know in the U.S., Michael McDonald is marketed to adult-contemporary/easy-listening radio, so most of his fans in the U.S. are middle-aged women, and some people think Michael McDonald is kind of corny. It’s rare that a guy like you is such a big fan of Michael McDonald.

But listen to his voice!

I know, but we like a lot of the same artists. It’s not about what is or isn’t trendy.

There’s that guy from "American Idol." You know who I’m talking about.

Danny Gokey.

Danny! He sounds exactly like [Michael McDonald].

And Danny looks exactly like he could be Seth Rogen’s brother.

Danny’s brilliant! What a voice!

"Easy Virtue" co-stars Ben Barnes, Jessica Biel and Colin Firth in New York City, 2009

It’s time for a game. I’m going to ask a series of questions, and there’s no right or wrong answer, but you have to say honestly which one of these choices you prefer.

OK, go!

Stevie Wonder’s "My Cherie Amour" or "Signed, Sealed and Delivered"?

"Signed, Sealed and Delivered."

Which Spinal Tap moment would you rather have: being caught in a giant cocoon prop onstage or being caught with a giant cucumber down your pants?

The giant cucumber. Not that there’s any need for it.

Who’s funnier in drag: Tony Curtis in "Some Like It Hot" or Dustin Hoffman in "Tootsie"?

Tony Curtis.

Favorite "Monty Python" comedian: Eric Idle or John Cleese?

John Cleese.

John Lennon or Paul McCartney?

Both. Absolutely. I can’t choose between the two.

Cats or dogs?

Dogs, probably. I didn’t have any pets growing up. I’m not really an animal person.

Better dancer: Fred Astaire or Gene Kelly?

Gene Kelly.

Better Beatles album: "Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band" or "Abbey Road"?

Oh! That’s hard! "Sgt. Pepper."

Better Donny Hathaway song: "I Love You More Than You’ll Ever Know" or "Love, Love, Love"?

"Love, Love, Love," because "I Love You More Than You’ll Ever Know" is really depressing. [He starts singing "Love, Love, Love," and starts shaking his head back and forth like Stevie Wonder.]

[Says jokingly] OK then, I think I’ll give you my sunglasses, since you’ve decided to become Stevie Wonder.

[He laughs.] I love the beginning of the song. [He starts to sing "Love, Love, Love" again.]

Ben Barnes in "The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian"

Let’s talk about some of the fun things you’ve done since you’ve been in New York so far on this trip.

Walking about 70 blocks in the city, just to drink it in. Seeing "Blithe Spirit" with Rupert Everett in it. Watching "SNL" being filmed, which was insane, as you know.

One of the most memorable scenes in "Easy Virtue" is when Jessica Biel’s character accidentally kills the family’s yapping Chihuahua by sitting on the dog. If you could "accidentally" sit on someone or something and silence it forever, who or what would it be?

[He says jokingly] Is it too obvious to say Colin Firth? [He says seriously] I love him to death. He’s one of my favorite people.

I’ve always heard Colin say good things about you. In the press, he’s been described as your mentor. What makes him a good mentor?

He’s not a good mentor. He’s an excellent friend. But he’s a terrible mentor. He knows very well that you can’t win, really. And you’ve just got to go with your gut on everything, which is why you can’t really ask anyone for advice, because they don’t know what you’re feeling.

Colin Firth and Ben Barnes in "Dorian Gray"

If you could corrupt someone like your character in "Dorian Gray" got corrupted, who would it be?

[He says jokingly] I’m already corrupted. Colin Firth.

Speaking of doing naughty things, because you play a decadent "anything goes" character in "Dorian Gray," you had to get naked and kiss a man in the movie. [Says jokingly] Should Ewan McGregor feel threatened by you, since he’s the leading British actor who does full-frontal nude scenes and plays gay or bisexual characters in some of his movies?

No, I haven’t gone that far. I kept some things hidden. Not very much, but enough.

There were some scenes cut from "Dorian Gray." Set the record straight just to prevent any false rumors: Are your nude scenes and man-on-man kissing still in the movie?

They’re all still in there.

What exactly was cut from the movie?

I think it was just a combination of things together. I think they thought it was a little bit too boring, so they took out a little bit of that. Just little bits, here and there. You want it to be available to people. Anyone who’s old enough to read the book should be able to go see the film.

Obviously, it’s a fine line between making it shocking enough to be provocative like ["The Picture of Dorian Gray"] novel was when it came out, but you want it to be — not family-friendly — but teenage-friendly, certainly. So it’s a tough line to draw. [The cut scenes included] just some combinations of some sadomasochistic stuff that wasn’t quite right.

Ben Barnes in "Dorian Gray"

Yes, let’s not traumatize some your underage or impressionable fans. So when you’re being interviewed, you’re under scrutiny and you have to deal with pretty much any question thrown your way. What’s your biggest annoyance about how you’re covered by some of the media?

They comment about my hair, and it’s so irrelevant to what we’re talking about. And just the tone is sometimes so unfriendly. I’d want to ask them, "Why’d you feel it necessary to be like that? I thought we had a nice chat. What’s the problem?" And then some are always effusive about you and complimentary. So I’d like to know how people doing the same interview [with journalists gathered in the same room] can get those different points of view.

What would you ask the journalists who’ve treated you unfairly?

How do you sleep at night?

What’s made you a better actor now than when you first started?

Working with good actors. It’s the only way, I think. You can read books and take classes until the cows come home — and good directors can look after you — but [it’s about] working opposite actors who make it believable for you and with you … You rise to the level you have to — which is why I take seriously whom I do films with.

In "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" (due out in 2010), you play King Caspian, who leads an adventurous journey at sea. Let’s say you were King Caspian in real life. Which stars would you book as the shipboard entertainment?

Ricky Gervais and Eddie Murphy can do stand-up on alternative nights. For the band, I’d let Quincy Jones put it together. Well, it’s fantasy, so I can have anyone I want, right? Then Donny Hathaway and Kings of Leon on alternative nights.