It’s not very often that much can be learned from celebrity relationships that can actually translate into real world relationships. And usually, when that does happen, what we learn are cautionary tales. What’s usually learned is what not to try in an average, everyday life situation.
When you consider the superficiality of the vast majority of celebrity relationships, it’s the last place on earth that anyone should look to as a model of stability. Many of them are based on who the people are, not who they are (if you can follow that).
So when we have situations like the two we’ve seen over the last few weeks with the Gabrielle Union/Dwayne Wade connection and the unbearable Kanye West/Kim Kardashian, while it would seem that nothing can be gained from any of this, there are some Relationship 101 things that can be reaffirmed.
Let’s do a little background for those unaware. Here we have Kim Kardashian, a woman that knows that her man Kanye has some temper issues. After being verbally assaulted (which is common for celebrities and par for the course), she’s calling him up like she’s in high school and telling him that someone is calling her names. Granted, according to reports, those names were vile and offensive, but they are just names. If Kim knows that what was said about her isn’t true, not only should she have kept walking, but she should never, ever call her angry boo, a man that loses his mind at the drop of a hat.
As a side note, this all seems hypocritical. How can Kim be so offended at the word that was used when she plans to marry a man that’s used this word in his music over and over again throughout his career? When it disappears from his music, then we can take her civil rights movement seriously. To take that a step further, think of all the horrible things that have been said about Kim in her life, some of which can be validated, let’s be honest. Rather than get offended, she turned them all into profit, sex tapes and fake weddings. Does Kanye plan to punch all of these people in the face? But, I digress.
As for Ms. Union, here’s a woman who, according to her, took a break from her relationship with Dwayne Wade. During break time, he impregnated another woman. From a distance, this seems to be poor judgment on his part. If he really wanted to hold on to Gabrielle, I don’t understand the unprotected sex. The chance of bringing a child or even disease back to the relationship comes into play for most of us that have studied biology.
If they were on a break, other women are his prerogative. But what becomes alarming is the fact that she takes the blame for him getting someone else pregnant. She says it’s her fault for not being as available and as sexually adventurous as Wade would like. It seems that if you want to forgive, if you want to look the other way or if you want to hold on to what you have, despite what happened during the break, then more power to you. But the silliest thing to do is to take the blame for what someone else did with their body. Forgiveness is hers to give as she pleases, but the responsibility for the act is all his.
With that said, here are three things that good women can add to good men to make a great relationship. In a way, it is addition by subtraction. In these celebrity situations, these women provide a valuable lesson to the average everyday person. A woman’s role in a relationship isn’t always just about what she brings to the man. It’s also about what she’s willing to protect him from: Himself.
Stabilize, not sabotage – Most good men that are looking to settle down are looking for stability. If they're really and truly trying to be a one woman man, they're tired of the ups and downs of dating. They're hard working and they've learned that true happiness is completed with the right woman.
That woman must be there to compliment him. She mustn't look at the man as a meal ticket or a means to get paid. If that man is looking to be successful, that woman should be looking to be an asset to his success, not another hurdle. She should be looking to lift him up, not weigh him down.
Truth be told, most men these days are looking for women that can feed as well as be fed. In other words, they're looking for the same stability that women have looked chased for years. A woman must be looking to stabilize a man's life, not take advantage or add undue stress.
Which leads to our next point…
Be his peace, not his agitator – Men are naturally aggressors. Women should not play on such things. It's nice to know that you have a man that will defend your honor, but women shouldn't use that emotion in a foolish way.
Look at this Kim/Kanye fiasco. Why call your man and fuel his ever present anger over name calling? Why allow your man to assault someone in your honor because you were made to feel uncomfortable? This is a woman that doesn’t value the peace of her man. That form of a man’s aggression is only necessary when you’re facing real, physical danger. When the weight of the world is on a man’s shoulders, he doesn’t want a woman that will add the moon on top of that. A man needs a woman that will bring him peace in a world full of chaos.
Hold him accountable – This is something that most men don't realize they need until they've had it and lost it. The worst thing a man can have in his life is a woman that makes excuses for him. Doing so almost guarantees that he will cheat on her or take her for granted in some other way. If he screws up, let him know. It doesn't mean the relationship has to end, but helping him lie is just a mistake.
All successful and married men have a woman that pushes them, supports them and gets angry with them when she has to. Does that mean that the men never screw up? Does that mean the men never make mistakes? Does that mean that she’s not forgiving? No to all of those questions.
However, in the midst of all of that, a good woman will hold you down and hold you accountable. She never gets the two confused, nor does she allow her man to. She keeps him reminded that she has value and if he continuously takes her for granted, there are consequences.
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