Being a Mother: Living, Loving, and creating our future
To all you mothers out there, Happy Mother’s Day! You have one of the most important jobs in this world, raising our future. It can also be one of the most fulfilling and wonderful experiences of your life, if you do it well and with love. Do it well, not perfect, as that is impossible. Have the courage to be imperfect, and relax, enjoy. Read and learn how to do it, then relax. Mothering is one of those fulfilling jobs where you actually can enjoy each moment, each day, be in the moment, because children change and grow each day. It is fascinating. We must learn this and focus on this rather than any “negatives”. Children are “imperfect” in some people’s eyes, because they don’t do things like adults. They are imperfect, but actually perfect little children. They are born “perfect”. It is all our weirdness, attitudes, egos, lack of courage to be imperfect, negativity that mess them up. If done in a quality way, you can experience living, loving, growing, learning and creating in the most wonderful way.
Mothering is also one of those jobs where we learn “on the job”. Mothers have to be strong and interested in learning how to do it as we go. Usually we are trained, educated in our “ jobs”. It is less stressful when this happens. So mothers must learn, learn, learn and enjoy learning how to mother. Mothering can be such a pleasure and growing experience if we read and learn. Learning includes how to build a self-disciplined, responsible , happy, loving young person. If a woman does not want to put forth lots of effort and love, and lots of learning, into mothering, she should not become a mother. If she does not want her life to change, she should not become a mother.
Parenting can make you a better person, refine your values, if you are a strong, stable person. If you are not yet strong and stable, you should get there, before you become a parent.
Dating in my 50’s , I have gotten to the point where I date only men who have had a child, have fathered a child, and done a good job; you can learn so much by being a parent: lose your self-centeredness, become giving, learn deep, unconditional love, dedication to the right things, compromise, fun through a child’s eyes, how to play, deep sense of responsibility, how to be frustrated and understand that that is part of living with another human being, especially a child human being, how to value children; giving up things that are bad for you so that you can be a better parent, person, and model good living, sacrifice, reexamining your values and beliefs, so that you can live them and teach them; how to share, care and feel deeply, be thoughtful and mindful, be imaginative, informed, knowledgeable, so that you can be a better parent and person, know how to fully consider another person’s needs and wants, the importance of being positive, encouraging, optimistic, so that your child will be those things also, learning to watch what comes out of your mouth, controlling your negative emotions and acts, and learning stress management. It causes you to reach, grow… For me, this works because I have parented 3 children, and will have more in common with a man who has fathered successfully.
It is important to note here, that the word “successfully” , is important. When dating in middle age, that is one of the things we want to find out about a man; if he fathered, was he a quality dad? Does he have good relationships now with his kids? Are his kids reasonably happy, healthy and successful?
Moms should remember , like all jobs, not to totally live your life doing this and nothing else meaningful, because, like all jobs, the active phase will end, the years of active parenting, and you need to have something else that you do and love. Your life needs to be balanced, always. You will be a better mother if you keep things balanced. If you have a partner, a romantic lover, maintaining that loving relationship is also very important! The ideal is to have that relationship last and grow, through the parenting years, and be with you when active parenting ends. Think about that… you want to have a wonderful partner with you forever, not just during the parenting years. So, you want to mother/father in a way that builds wonderful relationships: with your children and with your partner. The best way to keep relationships in balance (parenting vs romantic), is to have a partner who fully participates in the parenting role, even Steven. Remember, your years of active mothering will and should end. Work on building your life for post-parenting.
Being a mother can be one of the most wonderful times of your life. It is a very important, fulfilling job. This society should value the mothering role more, providing support groups, learning opportunities, and quality child care and play groups and opportunities for mothers and children. Communities should be safe, nurturing, and provide parks, green space and recreation for families. If we want to prevent mental illness and build a strong future, we will focus on supporting strong mothers and children.
Mother’s Day was born due to strong, pioneering women back in the early 1900’s who wanted to teach this country to focus on the importance of mothers. They advocated and pushed men, presidents to recognize and appreciate mothers, and to start focusing policy on the job of mothering, and on communities being quality places for mothers and children.
For me, mothering has been a full time job, but also occupies my soul, mind, political goals regarding this country, and supporting all mothers and children. It is one of the most important jobs in this country. It is prevention and quality of life, and values, which are just as important as money and power. If this country wants to be the best country, it will also focus on quality of life for mothers and children.
So, on Mother’s Day, we can be thankful for wonderful, loving mothers, and for the amazing opportunity to be a mother. We celebrate how mothering teaches us to love, and live fully, focusing on the most important “things”. I am thankful for the amazing experiences, memories, and wonderful children that I have. I am thankful for what mothering has taught me. I will continue to advocate for them, and for a wonderful country for all mothers and children. Mothers are advocates for children, and can encourage all people to focus on strong children and thus a strong future. But most importantly, mothers are love. We celebrate love and a country full of loving and loved people.