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Bearing the weight or pulling the weight in your marriage

My job is my contribution, yours is the house.
My job is my contribution, yours is the house.
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Listening to a few guys over the last couples weeks there were a few that had stay at home wives. It was never clear as to why they didn’t work, an overall mix of reasons seem to be an invalid point. The common denominator seems to be an issue at home. Sure, some of them didn’t need to work, some couldn’t for whatever reason and yes, some just didn’t want to.

But again, that did not seem to be the stressor. The big picture was that there are spouses out there who don’t work but are complaining about the lack in help they get around the house. Sure, one could see the man getting the trash out it is sometimes pretty heavy…but not always. Complaining about not getting help with the dishes, vacuuming or “it’s your turn to feed the baby, I’m tired,” really?

That’s not a balanced marriage. After your spouse has pulled an 8 to 10 hour shift, come on now, you can be a little more considerate than that. How can dishes stay in a sink all day if your home all day. In all reality this does go both ways. There are a few stay at home dads out there as well. These guys also expect their spouses to work all day, pick up the kids from daycare, come home, pick up the house from stuff left the night before, tend to the kids and somehow manage to get dinner done too.

If you’re a stay at home anybody the house is your job. Does your spouse every say, honey I need for you to go work half my shift day. It’s crazy that every other aspect of the marriage could be good and the fights only start because your spouse dares to defend their tiring long day at work. There are spouse out there who have the nerve to turn to there working spouse and say in a sarcastic way…“I guess I’ll get the dishes done”.

Look, if your fortunate enough in this day and age to be a stay at home spouse, stop complaining. Get out of the frame of thinking “I’m bearing the weight” because in all actuality you are just pulling your weight. Sure be a stay at home spouse, no one is judging you, but consider the home chores your job. If you want a break from that surely your spouse will be fine with you getting out and finding a job. Spouse, you have a right to be upset.

Many feel that if a man or woman can work and provide for their family and don’t, then they should definitely clean their house, take care of their kids (if any), have a cooked meal on the table for him soon after he gets home ESPECIALLY if she or he does NOT work. If on the other hand, she works then they need to share the responsibility at home. In this case, if she doesn't work she should definitely be pulling her responsibilities at home.

We haven’t even mentioned the possible healthy issues related to this kind of stress. Many men live bleak lives, work 10+ hours, commute home, and drop into the couch exhausted, and their reward…an early grave. Being the breadwinner and the sole financial provider at that is not a choice for many especially in these hard and trying times.

The unstable job market, changes in family structure with more and more single-parent households, and the practicality of having one parent stay home and care for children are all factors in being a single-income household. Everyone knows that for some couples one income just seems to fit better, not sure how, but it does and that is ok.

If you are the stay at home spouse be aware of your working spouses stressors from day to day, be mindful of the self-centeredness that is perceived when you pressure them to get the household chores done that you could have easily managed long before they got home. And especially avoid making them feel guilty for not being there to get it done. Pull your weight by taking care of the light and moderate chores. And often, thank your spouse…thank each other, for the hard work and help.

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