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Beach dates and how to love them

Beach...with a pirate ship
Beach...with a pirate ship

Maybe there is something in our dirty, charming Milwaukee beach water that travels through osmosis around the city during the Summer infecting people’s minds (like in Racoon City), because no matter how infested with sewage Lake Michigan gets, hundreds of people still flock to the beaches and someone always seems to be swimming with the feces...fishes…fish. The beach is the perfect place to take your family, friends or, more particularly, any summer dates you have with a spouse, blind date or friend, so long as they don't have an aversion to the sun. The ambiance at our beaches rarely changes and it is the closest to nature some people will ever get: sand, wind, sun, water and poo. Take one wading walk through the shore and no one can say you're squeamish about nature. Do not misunderstand the tone here. I have a profound love of Milwaukee beaches and have accepted their conditions until we can better manage the waste. (Here , in fact, is how the Environmental Protection Agency is planning on restoring and protecting the Great Lakes).

Some people may also be thinking, “The beach! For a date?! No way, Jose! I don’t need no stinking swimsuit time”. Too many people think beaches equal nudity… maybe not nudity so much as partial nudity. Basically, it’s the closest to stripper most of us will ever get. Expose the upper thigh, Ladies, and we have a burlesque show on our hands. (Check out Milwaukee's own Brew City Bombshells. They will be performing at Bayview's Brew Haus June 19th). Come to the beach in your swimtrunks, Gentlemen, and we all have a clear shot of what you look like at home on your couch watching the game in your clothing... boring. Now, come to the beach in your Speedos and you have provided most of us juveniles with pee in our pants fits of laughter for weeks. Bedazzle those Speedos and imagine where it’ll take you and how many people will have to go home to change their peed in pants.

Go to the sand, take off your shoes and breathe more deeply than you probably allow yourself to most days. The best medicine for any kind of anxiety is not just Xanax but breathing and treating yourself to something out of the ordinary. Take a drive. Laugh at Speedos (or love Daniel Craig in them). For a moment of sanity, ignore the poo in the world/Lake Michigan. When you've harnessed your qi, take a firm step forward with your doggy poo bag and make your surroundings a little more sanitary.

Go on a date. At the beach. By yourself, with a friend, your family, dog or lover.