It’s tempting. You finally have a date with the person you’ve been crushing on for oh-so-long. How should you act? What should you say? After all, you’ve been on this date several times in your mind but what if it’s nothing like you imagined? What if you can’t think of anything to say? What if you make the wrong impression? What if you do something embarrassing? First off, breathe. Secondly, just be yourself.
Undoubtedly there comes a time within a first date where you have the opportunity to be real or fake. So let’s get real. Of course you’re going to smile more than usual and perhaps even laugh at a few jokes you don’t normally. However, when you start acting like someone you’re not, it’s time to put the “you” back into your date.
Laughing too much at jokes you don’t think are funny? Just reel it in a bit. After all, you might be encouraging jokes that even your date wouldn’t normally find funny (remember, you’re not the only one nervous about this first date).
Holding back your personality? If you’re someone who easily identifies with what others hope to hear, you may find it easier to be a chameleon than yourself. Danger Will Robinson - you may end up attracting the wrong mate! Be courageous enough to be the real you, and self-aware enough to know that if this person is right for you, it all works out. (See, I included a geeky Will Robinson reference – that takes courage.)
Being on your best behavior? In fairness, it’s human nature to put your best foot forward. Do this to a point but don’t act like someone you’re not. If you watch football religiously, don’t act like it’s a minor interest. If you like to be with your partner 24-7, don’t pretend to be Mr. or Miss Independent. Ok, you get the point. Eventually it all comes out in the wash so do yourself, and your date, a favor by at least being honest about who you really are.
Confidence is key. When someone has enough confidence to be themselves, it shows. Someone who is imperfect but still loves themselves stands a good chance of looking attractive to others around them.
It’s worth noting that there is a difference between being yourself and sharing too much. First dates are still a good opportunity to get to know each other on a lighter level. If all signs point to yes, you should have no problem coming by a second and third date to share more about yourself.
Here’s a refreshing fact: when it’s right, it’s right. This means that even if you screw up, say something embarrassing, share too much, laugh too hard, burp or only eat a sprig of lettuce, it’s all good. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea of who you “should” be but the reality is you are who you are. Take the time to understand yourself so when you go on a date, you can offer up a true version of who you are. If you’re instincts are on point, hopefully you’ve chosen someone who can offer you the same.
Above all else, even above being yourself, trust your instincts. Sometimes a first date can go from comfortable to awkward very fast. After all – you just met! Being real can serve you over the long haul but if the situation gets uncomfortable, just listen to your instincts on how to navigate the date.
Relationships are built over time. By starting off the first date being yourself, you give yourself a chance to see if it’s a real match. After all, the only thing worse than being without the person you like is to be without you.
Have topics you’d like me to cover? Email me at austindating@gmail.com
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