Is this really so hard? Why do we look for drama, look for ways to be inconsiderate to those who we care most about?
A friend was talking to her hairdresser, who said an old friend had passed away out of state. Her husband had initially expressed reluctance to her going due to finances, timing etc. He did eventually recant and offered her his blessing to go.
But she refused, saying to my friend that this way she ‘has something over him’ to use later.
Really? You’re not going to attend a good friend’s funeral so you can punish your husband at a later date? Wow. REALLY glad I’m not married to THAT woman…
Unfortunately it seems this is not that uncommon. Instead of being gracious, we’re mean. Instead of being thoughtful, we’re uncaring. We do it with our spouses, our children, our co-workers. But why?
Why not just say ‘thank you’ and appreciate that your spouse is trying to be sensitive to your needs? Women are especially bad at this. We ask what is wrong and we get a curt “Nothing”. Or my favorite; “You’re just going to have to figure it out.”
I can pretty much guarantee you that as a guy, I’m not going to spend a lot of time ‘trying to figure it out’. I’m going to go grab the remote, a beer, and then maybe something else as I’m not going to be getting laid anytime soon!
And then at some point I’ll have a chance to turn the tables. And I will…
And there you have the perfect storm, otherwise known as a pre-divorce-predicament. The divorce is going to happen, it is just a matter of time really.
So how about you? Is your marriage circling down the toilet bowl of divorce? Do you want to change the dynamics of your relationship? It might take time. It might mean you have to hold your tongue, watch your words and actions and do this for a while before you see results. But that’s what relationships are about. Trying. Putting in the extra effort. Trying to make a difference in their lives.
Here’s an idea: Make them happy. Go out of your way to make them happy. My guess is (after wondering who the hell you are and what you’ve done with their spouse) you’ll be amazed that they just might return the favor. And you’ll both be happier.
Do it, I dare you. Try kindness. You might just be amazed at the difference a little effort will make in your relationship!