The San Francisco Bay Guardian offered some amusement last week in the form of real estate predictions for this year. Keep in mind that taking these seriously is harmful to your health and sense of humor.
First, due to increasing rent and real estate prices, square footage in the city will become the most valuable substance on Earth for a six-week period in late spring, replacing saffron as a seasoning in trendy Persian restaurants.
Next, developers’ efforts to create smaller and smaller residences will yield apartments so tiny they have to be medically implanted inside the body. Leases will include a sepsis clause and mandatory carpet replacement fee, but their popularity will be such that tony residents will host “holiday endoscopy” tours and casually mention that "my place overlooks the pancreas."
Finally, due to changes in the climate and seasteading fad, a three-quarter-square-mile area of the Pacific Ocean two miles southeast of San Francisco becomes the hippest neighborhood in the country. Soon the area is dominated by fixed-gear paddle-boats and Libertarian sea lions. Danny Bowien opens a Mission Chinese location on the ocean floor. But of course!
Dreaming of San Francisco? Cece Blase offers local advice to San Francisco buyers, sellers and owners-- and feeds the dreams of those who wish they could live in Tony Bennett's 'City by the Bay.' Call 415-577-0809 or email firstname.lastname@example.org. www.ceceblase.com