When BillyWilliams sang “I’m Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter” I can tell you that I sat right up and paid attention. It sounded so sane. No wonder it sold over a million copies! Who knows better what you want to hear than you do? I say take advantage of that and remind yourself how fabulous you are and what you have accomplished. It does so much. It lets you think about who you are, what you have done and the path you have taken. Done right, this will be your best self put to paper. You will be able to re-read it when you need encouragement, need to remind yourself that you know how wonderful you are, and in days, years and decades to come you will be able to see how you have changed, how you may still want to change, what you have done right, where you came from and where you are meant to go.
Jill Culver about whom I had the pleasure of writing earlier, is an exceptional artist with a most unusual and inspiring approach both to her life and her art, was a guest on Love Letters Live and wrote a remarkable letter to herself you might like to hear. I am offering up this column today to Jill because she has written another letter to herself I thought worth sharing. You can just read her words about her progress along her own path, and you might be prompted to do one for yourself. From me to you with love in the air, Janet. And, now right to Jill:
“Note to self – My Recent Experience Discovering Peace of Mind.
I have been a seeker for most of my life. I think most of it was motivated by an attempt to eliminate the pain I was in and the gnawing feeling that there must be more to life than this!
It has been a slow and steady climb into higher levels of consciousness. Often 4 steps forward and 3 steps back, but steady growth, nonetheless. I worked diligently on changing my thoughts and attitudes and took responsibility for my life. And with that, came less drama - an extraordinary God given career as an intuitive portrait painter - and occasional moments of peace.
Once I got a taste of that peace, I wanted more but no matter how much I pursued it, I couldn’t seem to get it on more than an intellectual level. I believed it was possible to have sustained peace, but maybe only for those in monastic lifestyles. It was great in theory, and something to aspire to, but I was losing hope.
Then about 6 months ago I woke up and noticed a marked difference in myself. I felt like a burden had been lifted. It was as if God said “OK Jill, you have been working hard on yourself for about 30 years and I’m going to lift this heaviness from you.” It felt sudden, but kind of like that “overnight success” you hear about from actors who have 40 unknown movies under their belt.
As the days passed and I noticed that I continued to be peaceful, I came to appreciate how “normal” it all felt. There was no manic high or jubilation over a recent event in my life. Nothing on the exterior had changed. I was still in need of work. I was still longing for a relationship. My finances were still bleak but somehow I had no fear. I felt an incredible sense of well-being – and that all was well. It felt solid and real and amazing.
I didn’t talk about this for about 3 months. I thought maybe it was a trick my hormones were playing on me. I was sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop so I didn’t want
to talk about it and then have to back peddle when it wore off. I noticed how it was challenging to fully trust this and recognized that I was much more familiar with fear, scarcity and lack.
As the days continued to pass, I thought, so this is what it was like to actually experience serenity, peace of mind, well-being, fearlessness and trust. My three months of calm turned into four, and then into five.
And then it happened. I lost it. A major career disappointment occurred and all that scarcity and fear raised its ugly head again. I refused to give too much power to that incident but noticed that I couldn’t quite get back to that peaceful place. I had to remind myself that nothing in my external world was different than it was a week before and yet I felt completely different in my world. This was in sharp contrast to the comfort of the previous 5 months and I wanted to get back to that new set point I had achieved.
So I beefed up my meditation practice and read Emily Cady’s inspiring book “A Lesson in Truth”. I began reviewing my entire life – my work, my housing, my relationships, and assessed what was working and what wasn’t. I took risks to communicate my truth where needed and staked a claim for my desire for more intimacy, value and purpose in my relationships and work. I faced the fear of letting go of the things and people that were no longer enriching me…. It was challenging.
And then one morning, after about 2 weeks of this, I decided it was enough! I was going to choose fearlessness and I was going to ask for guidance and direction and really trust that I would get answers. I surrendered more fully than I ever have before. I said to God, “If I’m not supposed to be doing the portraits any more (which I desperately love to do), than please show me where I can be best used.” And for the first time, I really meant it.
Hours later I took my car in for repairs. I was waiting at Starbucks and a woman I know vaguely walked in. She was meeting someone but sat with me while she waited. Soon we were brainstorming and she was giving me fabulous ideas about my business and I helped her to define hers. About ½ hour later, her friend walked up to us and said he had been waiting for her outside. We clearly were meant to have that time together.
The car shop called to say the wrong part arrived and I would have to bring my car back the next day. When I got home I saw an email from my webmaster saying she wanted to update my website and would not be charging for all of her time since it was a learning curve for her. That night I met with a friend who was looking for a part time employee and we discussed the possibility of me doing that job. Later I checked my email to find I had someone inviting me to do a presentation about my work for a TV show.
The next morning I took my car in for repairs again and went back to Starbucks where I mapped out an exciting new career direction from the seeds of my meeting the previous day. The car shop called to say the new part was $70 cheaper than what I had been quoted the day before. I left there to go to my church for a lunch meeting on healing. I spoke about the amazing 48 hours I was having and then afterwards was asked to do a talk about it for the congregation.
Now that’s what I call clear and tangible answers to prayer!!! In closing, I’d like to mention that I have asked for direction before, many times, and didn’t get this kind of response. I think the difference this time, is that I finally, more so than ever before, surrendered my ego and my control and really placed the outcome in God’s hands.
As Emily Cady says “You are a vessel for some purpose. If, when the time comes, you let go cheerfully, without humiliation or shame or sense of failure, your tense, rigid mortal grasp on some particular form of manifestation…and “strive for the greater gifts”…you will do “works” …that will be simply marvelous in the eyes of men. These works will be done without effort on your part, because they will be God…manifesting Himself through you in His own chosen direction.”
This stuff really works and I am extraordinarily grateful!”
Comments