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'Bam’s Badass Game Show' gets a ‘Hogtied Splashdown’ on TBS

Watermelon Canon from Bam's Badass Game Show
Watermelon Canon from Bam's Badass Game Show"Photo courtesy of TBS, used with permission”

On tonight’s premiere episode of “Bam’s Badass Game Show” titled “Hogtied Splashdown,” the contestants on this episode are; Joel a crab fisherman, Ayla as hairdresser, Jacob a physics teacher and Mimi a roller derby queen.

Bam gave them the rules and a chance to bow out before the mayhem began, but nobody left. There will be three stunts, and whoever sucks the most at the end of each stunt, will be eliminated. The winner will go home with the $10,000 prize.

For the first stunt, their feet will be inside apple crates with wheels, as they ski without water attached to a quad going 25 miles an hour. They will be dragged up a ramp where they will land on cardboard boxes. Mimi went first and made it to 32 feet. Joel went 41 feet, Ayla only went 27 feet and Jacob made 41 feet, sending Ayla home.

For the next round, the remaining three players were hogtied over a pool of filthy water, if they missed two questions that Bam asked, they would be dropped into the water. Brandon Novak demonstrated the stunt by being hogtied over the pool, but Bam got to shoot paintballs at him, and when he finally dropped down, admitted that he peed in the pool. Now the questioning began as the trio hung over the pool. Mimi and Jacob got the first answer correct, but Joel did not know what the initials SBD stood for in fart terminology, so one of his two lines was but. By the way, it means silent but deadly. (Didn’t everyone know that?)

As the stunt proceeded, the next round found them all hanging by one rope and the next wrong answer will determine who leaves this round after a dunking in the cesspool. When Jacob was asked what rock star, born Chaim Weitz, is famous for his 7-inch tongue? He answered with “that Kiss guy,” but it was wrong because his name is Gene Simmons. So he kissed the yucky water, as Mimi and Joel went on to the next round.

The last stunt was a tricky one. As a red target was spray painted on the ground, the two remaining contestants will be shot out of a canon holding a watermelon. The person who dropped the watermelon closest to the target would be the winner; as an added plea to insanity, Brandon Novak was lying on the ground atop the target. Mimi went first and missed him by eight feet, But Joel hit Novak right in the crotch as he writhed in pain and reveled in the fact that he won the $10,000. Mimi won the crappy consolation prize and had some fun proving she was a worthy competitor. If you are crazy enough to watch “Bam’s Badass Game Show” too, stay tuned, there will be more insanity to follow.