Derogatory comments about body size or other physical characteristics. Homophobic, racial, or religious slurs. Taunting and even physical abuse so prevalent that children are afraid to use their school bathrooms – or are terrified to even simply walk down hallways that are no longer safe because tormenters lurk beyond the eyes and ears of teachers or other adults.
If all of that isn’t awful enough, in recent years, news headlines have been set ablaze with stories of children bullied to the point that they feel the only way out is to commit suicide: www.whas11.com/news/Teen-tortured-by-cyberbullies-hangs-herself-82688387.html.
This kind of behavior should be so shockingly rare that reports of it in the news take our breath away as parents, teachers, and community leaders. Sadly, though, even as children are being tormented in increasingly disturbing ways thanks to the power of social media and the Internet, many clueless adults remain locked in the past, spouting the old adage, “Kids will be kids.”
Nothing could be further from the truth. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, an astounding 50% of children are bullied during their school years.* At a minimum, school performance almost always suffers – even for incidents viewed as “just teasing” by parents or school officials. At worst, children on the receiving end of the most egregious offenses committed by today’s bullies often end up being so scarred by their experiences that their social and emotional development is crippled.
Take the case of 13-year-old Nadin Khoury. Nadin, who was kidnapped on the way home from school by a gang of teenagers in Philadelphia, was subject to an increasing degree of physical and mental torment before finally being hung from a fence in Philadelphia. We know this because one of the perpetrators thought it would be “fun” to record the attack with his cell phone: www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41352106/.
Although Nadin was not physically hurt, according to the superintendent of police quoted in the article accompanying this NBC story, “he did suffer ‘extreme mental anguish.’”
And it’s that phrase – mental anguish – that should concern us. While the videos of physical abuse by one student to another tear at our hearts and make us shake our heads, research is documenting that it is the mental health issues caused by bullying – mental health issues in children that often go uncrecognized by their parents, teachers, and healthcare providers – that produce the most damaging fallout.
Children who are bullied often develop learned helplessness, a condition in which they believe they have no power to control anything in their lives. Self-confidence is destroyed. Children of both genders report feeling hopeless; many spiral down into major clinical depression. Some develop PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).
The spark of spirituality, just beginning at the tender ages when bullying first starts, is frequently stamped out.
In a comment on the MentalHelp.net blog by Mark Dombeck, Ph.D., one survivor of bullying describes the damage that was done to his spirit:
My brother was bullied terribly.... I was also bullied for about 2 years – verbally and relationally. Teachers played a role in keeping the bullying alive too and humiliated me for 2 years in front of my peers. I will never understand their twisted behavior.... I still have trust issues....
I never followed my real dreams. I defaulted to a career that was convenient.... Now I’m in my mid-50s.... I love my family and enjoy a freedom in my spirit for the first time since I was 7 years old.... It makes me sad to think of how it could have been all along, instead of losing a few decades to pain.
Several excerpts from Dombeck’s blog entry on bullying are worth reading. A survivor of bullying himself, he has a special understanding of this hot button issue. In addition to posting comments on his blog from children and adults whose lives have been hampered by bullying, he writes about the long-term impacts of abusive behavior on not only the victims of bullying, but on society in general (see the section, Bullying Causes Long-Term Emotional Damage): www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=13057.
So what are parents, teachers, and community leaders to do? Start by reading part two of this series tomorrow for news about free upcoming anti-bullying training seminars that will be available online to residents of the Bay Area and beyond this month.
* Facts for Families: Bullying (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry): www.aacap.org/galleries/FactsForFamilies/80_bullying.pdf
Tomorrow: Free anti-bullying training available for Bay Area youth and parents.
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