Never mind Elizabeth Kitt as the “dumb smart girl.” Nikki Kappke is the dumb smart girl. And Gia Allemand is just the dumb dumb girl.
The men followed their heads and the women followed their hearts on episode 2 of “Bachelor Pad.”
The result was bad for Canada: Fellow Canadians Jessie Sulidis and Craig McKinnon were eliminated; she for trying to play both sides and he for his general lack of likeability.
(And the fact that Kiptyn Locke was the WRONG choice for an alternative. Seriously, don’t they know that everyone loves Kiptyn?)
It was The Outsiders vs. The Insiders and The Outsiders had the numbers to take over the house, but in true “Survivor” fashion, a few people made stupid calls and shifted the power structure of the game.
The Outsider girls: Krisily Kennedy, Peyton Wright, Gwen Gioia, Nikki and Gia decided to vote out Insider boy Kiptyn.
The Insider girls: Tenley Molzahn, Elizabeth, Natalie Getz and Ashley Elmore wanted to vote out Craig McKinnon.
Jessie Sulidis was supposedly tight with fellow Canadian Craig, but she wanted to prove her loyalty to Insider Dave Good and voted to eliminate Craig.
Gia won the pie-eating contest and she was supposed to give Craig M. the “safe” rose. She told everyone she would give it to him, including him, and then gave it to Wes Hayden — of all people — because he complimented her.
She had a boyfriend at the time of filming (they are no longer together) but a few “I love yous” from Wes were enough to turn her into a hypocrite.
(If Gia’s going to switch votes based on attraction she should go for Jesse Beck, who also seems to be gunning for Gia. He gave Natalie Getz the “let’s be friends” speech, in part because Natalie has already “made the rounds” with all the Insider guys.)
So even after Gia’s betrayal it was supposed to come down to 5 vs. 5 with Gia as the tie-breaker because she won the challenge this week and that would give her the deciding vote.
Instead, Kiptyn was able to sway Nikki into changing her vote from Kiptyn to Craig. How? He played the “I’m such a great guy” card. He said he understood how hard it was for her to be put in the middle of everything and — the clincher — that he wouldn’t feel angry or hurt if she decided to vote him out. He understood it was just a game.
A nice guy who understands? Nikki is powerless against that, even though it’s going to bite her in the butt with everyone else in the house.
Kiptyn. Well played, sir.
So Craig lost several times this week, not that he seemed to put up much of a fight himself. He relied on other people to do his work and they betrayed him.
The Insider boys — Dave Good, Jesse Kovacs, Wes Hayden and Kiptyn Locke — were split between voting out Jessie or outspoken Outsider Krisily Kennedy.
Jessie ended up leaving because she tried to play both sides — Dave with the Insiders and Craig with the Outsiders.
Jessie couldn’t be trusted and they dumped her, even though she thought she had a love connection with Dave.
So next week the drama with the Outsider women is going to be unreal. All because of Nikki, who seemed to blame all her problems on being a woman.
Nikki: “It’s just not an advantage being a girl right now.”
Wah! It’s definitely not an advantage to be a whiny, emotional flip-flopping girl like Nikki or Gia, who probably hate each other now, even though they made the same bad call.
I feel bad for Krisily, who is too strong for this collection of tear ducts. And I feel bad for Gwen and Peyton because they are just so superior to this whole thing. And poor Gwen was hit on by (shudder) Jonathan Novack.
Gia said she always pulls for the underdog, then turned around and saved Wes. I, however, always do pull for the underdog and I wish an Outsider would win this competition. But, really, anyone but obnoxious Dave Good and Elizabeth Kitt.
***Stream of consciousness recap***
Everyone congratulates each other on making it through the first terrifying elimination.
Here we go again. Elizabeth thinks it’s a good idea to make sure her path and Kovacs path match up.
Being in a couple is better than being alone?
Jesse to Natalie: God you’re sexy.
Jesse trusts Natalie even if that’s stupid.
Jesse: She’s a rad chick.
Rad? Who are you, Jesse Csincsak?
He’s bringing out her insecurities. She hasn’t met someone like him, like ever.
They are making out all over the place.
Peyton is talking to Nikki and Krisily about how they have to win competitions.
The cliques have already started.
Nikki: It’s like the vocal girls are against the cutesy, sweet energized girls.
Peyton: It could totally all just go bananas.
The Inside Girls have coupled up already: Natalie, Elizabeth, Tenley
The Outside Girls: Nikki, Krisily, Peyton, Gia, Ashley, Gwen and … Jessie?
No hands. Krisily is crying already.
Krisily: I don’t have a gallbladder.
They removed it about a year and a half ago.
She can’t digest fats now.
David said that wasn’t a very good move because now she’s on the chopping block.
Dave: That wasn’t a very good move on her part. She should’ve tried to suck it up and get through that.
Dave is an ass. What are the odds.
This is great. All these girls who probably never eat more than 500 calories a day and they have to inhale a pie.
They seem to hate it. I would love some pie.
Jessie really went to town on it.
Tenley got all whiny and crying, as usual.
Tenley needs a bucket. Ewww.
Kiptyn: This is brutal to watch.
Gia, Tenley, Elizabeth and Natalie seemed to vomit the most.
Dave is now disgusted.
Dave: I guess it really made us closer, brought us all together. I mean we’ve seen them at their worst now. They were just holding each other’s hair, just barfing right in front of us. I mean, you don’t see this every day.
And this is over pie? Jeez. Try going on “Survivor” when they have really nasty food to eat. They manage to keep that down.
Kovacs: I’m pretty sure Tenley vomited into the pie and continued to eat. That was pretty gross.
Peyton and Gwen, who are not high-maintenance princesses, are doing well.
Wes is coaching Gia on the end. She got into the lead.
The two “skinny little peanuts,” as Ashley put it, are in the lead.
OK, now everyone has to wipe their faces.
Kiptyn congratulates Tenley. She was so close.
Jonathan said all the guys are nervous going into it.
Why? Does everyone need to be reminded this is just a pie-eating contest? It’s not tarantulas.
Now it’s the guys’ turn.
Dave feels confident going into this.
Dave: I eat six meals a day.
Jonathan is one of the smaller guys there and he feels like an underdog.
The guys hate the pie too! Who made these pies?
Why do all the girls have to do their confessionals to the cameras with junk all over their faces?
The guys didn’t have pies on their faces when talking to the camera.
Craig put his hair into the pie? Nasty!!
Craig: My hair’s a multipurpose tool. It looks good, the ladies love it and it can suck up some pie.
Weatherman is forecasting a victory, Chris Harrison says.
Jonathan is a pie machine,
Tenley wants Kiptyn to win.
Seriously, why are all the girls still covered when talking to the cameras.
Behind the guys they are fine. Clean faces.
Kiptyn vs. Weatherman
Jonathan to Chris Harrison, with pie on his face: Gimme a kiss!
The pie was gone in 4 minutes?
Dave on Jonathan: He’s good at eatin’ pie. He’s got that going for him.
Jonathan and Gia get roses. They can pick someone for a date.
Craig’s hair is nasty.
Kovacs says Jonathan was supposed to be on the chopping block this week.
Jessie is talking to Craig. It’s a Toronto powwow.
Craig needs that date with Gia and the rose.
Gia and Jonathan talk strategy. They want to break up the Inside girls: Tenley, Elizabeth and Natalie.
Gia says Jonathan needs to build a support system.
She’s pulling for the underdog.
Krisily says it’s super important for the guys to like her. Why would Jonathan like her after last week? And vice versa.
Jonathan reads his date card.
He picks Gwen -- that’s two in a row for her!
2nd Peyton -- he’s going for Outsiders
3rd Ashley -- yep, another Outsider
Krisily has no confidence in staying in there.
Kovacs says Jonathan made a big strategic move and he thinks Weatherman is more of a threat than he thought.
On their date, Jonathan, Gwen, Peyton and Ashley meet Melissa Rycroft in some art studio.
Instead of using brushes or rollers they will be using their bodies.
Ashley is way too excited. She needs some Valium.
Jonathan: Are you ready for Speedo the sequel?
Awkward as hell. He emerges from behind the screen in that black Speedo “Bachelorette” fans know too well.
They rub the paint on each other. It’s not hot.
He gets slimed!
Peyton is a human merry-go-round. Who wants a ride?
Back at the ranch, the Insiders are hanging out by the water. The Outsiders are inside in bed.
Krisily doesn’t want that core group to win. (I agree.)
The Cool Kids are Wes, Dave Good, Kovcas, Kiptyn, Natalie, Tenley and Elizabeth.
If Wes is “in” wouldn’t Gia also be “in,” Not that I like the “in” crowd.
The Outsiders want to keep Craig around to survive.
Krisily: I have the goosebumps thinking about it.
Gia has the power to be able to change the game. She could save Craig and keep him with the Outsiders. Or she could save Wes and be one of the Insiders.
Krisily: If it all works out it might possibly be the best rose ceremony ever.
Jonathan and his ladies are drinking and having some apps.
He pulls Peyton aside for some one-on-one time. She says the house is about to split. People who knew each other vs. new people.
Jonathan wants to get Kiptyn off to break off that group. He said he’s talked to Gia and she’s with “us,” the Outsiders.
Kiptyn talks to Elizabeth and Natalie about why Jonathan might’ve picked the three.
Natalie: He’s a smart little cherry wolfer.
Elizabeth says if Jonathan picks Ashley they may be in a good place because Elizabeth is close to Ashley.
Jonathan talks to Ashley. Ashley is nervous because she’s close to some of the fellow girls from Jake’s season. (Elizabeth and Tenley)
Ashley says she can either go along with Jonathan and those guys or gamble on winning challenges along the way.
Ashley says she’s on board. Jonathan thinks she flipped.
Now Gwen is there. He feels like a Puppet Master.
He has more of a connection with Gwen. He doesn’t want to talk strategy with her.
Gwen: She’s the kind of girl you can get romantic with.
They have weird old-fashioned music. What are you trying to say about Gwen? Leave her age alone. Craig is 34, you know, which is a lot older than most of the guys.
Jonathan claims he’s holding himself back with Gwen. Why is he always trying to convince us he’s a player?
They talk about their favorite places in Italy. They love tennis. They are preppies.
Jonathan is going to give Gwen the rose. So he’s going with his heart, not his head.
Jonathan: Gwen is hot, head to toe.
I love her earrings.
Gwen: A lot of people in the house think that Jonathan likes me. But that’s not gonna happen. In a million years. Guarantee you that.
Ashley isn’t sure what she’s going to do from here. She may flip to the Insiders just to boost her own ego.
It’s Gia’s date night. She’s planning to give the Outsiders the majority. She wants to know what happened on Jonathan’s date.
Gia wants to give Craig the rose.
Jonathan doesn’t trust Craig. This is not news. Gia says Jonathan should be pulling for Craig. The other guys made fun of him.
Jonathan says he has three votes for Kiptyn from Peyton, Ashley and …
Gia says don’t trust Ashley. She’s ticked at Jonathan.
Peyton is not with “us.” She lied to their faces.
Gia thinks Jonathan is being naïve. We’ll see if Gia is even more naïve.
Gia’s date card is here.
She already knows two of the guys she wants to bring:
Wes (she wouldn’t be there without him)
The last one she’s not sure about so she’s going to pick a guy’s name out of a hat.
But she wrote Jesse Beck’s name on every paper! Love it.
She’s inviting him because she needs him on their side. He’s not part of The Insiders and she wants him to work with Jonathan and Craig.
Gia says Wes is a very charming guy and very smart. She plans to tell him he will benefit by her giving the rose to Craig. She wants to end the popularity contest.
Wes thinks Gia is “a really cool chick.”
Before meeting Natalie Jesse was hoping Gia would be on the show because he wanted to get to know her.
So he probably wanted Gia to be The Bachelorette instead of Ali. Good to know.
Back at the ranch, Kovacs and Kiptyn feel like Gia is going to give the rose to Craig and screw them over.
Gia is talking to Craig. She says she’s going to give him the rose. The girls talked about it the night before. They’ve got it all down pat.
Craig says it’s great to hear.
Craig trusts her. She made him feel at ease.
When she gives someone her word it’s done.
This is setting us up for a betrayal.
Back at the ranch, sure enough Ashley is talking to Elizabeth and Natalie.
Did Elizabeth just refer to herself as a “cool kid”? Please.
Gia is writing on Jesse’s hand. He writes on hers. They are flirting with their hearts.
She talks strategy with him. She wants to give him a feel for what’s going on.
She was neutral, she could’ve gone with the girls from her season or go with the girls who were alone.
Jesse looks SO GOOD in that checkered shirt.
Gia asks him not to repeat anything to Natalie.
Jesse says Natalie is a cool chick, but once she has to go it’s not going to be hard for him.
He’s there for the money, that’s it. “And to meet you.”
It’s a hot attack. The two most attractive people on the show charming each other with their charm.
Kovacs and Elizabeth are talking. This should be painful and drawn-out.
He’s strategizing. If Craig gets a rose tonight, the next logical choice is Kovacs or Kiptyn.
He thinks he’s on the chopping block because Elizabeth came out and said she’d rather have Kovacs win than herself. That makes him an easy target.
Elizabeth: I’m sorry. God, why am I so dumb. You know what I am? I’m a dumb smart girl.
No, you’re just a psycho bunny boiler.
How can she make it up to him? By playing more games, I guess. They kiss. This will not last.
Shower scene? This is less steamy than creepy.
She’s setting herself up to be brokenhearted, she thinks.
On the date, Gia pulls Wes aside.
They have a Moroccan theme.
Wes says she already has it in her mind who she’s giving the rose to.
Lavender scented thing?
She rubs it on her hand and rubs his hand.
Wes: Gia, I love ya. I love ya.
Gia really likes Wes. She expected him to be really arrogant and loud and mean, but he’s one of the nicest guys there.
Wes has no strategy.
Wes: I want you to know one thing: I’m crazy about you. I really am. I think you’re beautiful, you’re funny, you’re smart, you’re witty, you’re quick. You’re everything that anybody would ever want. I wish this circumstances were different. There’s nothing I can do.
He never said any of that to Jillian.
He can’t even stop smiling around her. She’s speechless.
Wes says he knows she’s not his and can’t ever be his, but when he thinks of her he’s happy. He’s infatuated with her as if she’s his girl.
Gia: I think if things were different I wouldn’t even care about the game, I would just want to have had you.
Awww! And creepy. Talk about a player.
They hug and rub each other.
Yes, everyone has it wrong about Wes when he compliments you like that. But if he complimented someone else they would be right about him? Or is it different because SHE is the one with a significant other back home.
Gia says her head is telling her one thing and her heart is telling her another.
She promised Craig that he stays. Now she’s confused.
We have our dumb DUMB girl.
Back at the ranch, Jonathan reiterates that it’s better for him to keep Craig around. He never thought he’d say it, but…
Gia says the rose carries so much weight and meaning in this game that it is the hardest decision.
The right decision is the one you already made! You made a promise.
Gia says the person she’s giving the rose to is the one who was the one who helped her win the challenge to begin with.
Wes got the rose.
Wes says Gia brings emotions out of him and makes him feel vulnerable.
Craig feels the blow. She gave him her word.
Gia says she had to do the “right thing” and morally she did the right thing.
WRONG. You went back on your word to EVERYONE.
So Dave is excited now. He feels like Craig is definitely the next one to leave. Now the big boys will play ball.
Krisily is ticked. I’m ticked too.
Jessie says she has ties with the Outsiders but the power is with the “popular crowd.”
Jessie likes that the guys can vote out the girls because it allows them to put their flirt on.
Jessie is in the hot tub with Dave, talking strategy.
Dave says he has a lot of pull with the guys and she’s not even in the top 3 to go home.
They “seal it with a kiss.” She’s a ho.
Krisily says Jessie S. is a snake, playing both sides. “You can only play both sides so long before you get hurt.”
Krisily tells Kiptyn that Jessie is a duplicitous person and she hurts people. She told Kip because she trusts him.
Even Kiptyn says the Insiders have all the power now.
Jesse is flirting with Gia, who shows her scars.
Jesse: Gia is the coolest chick, seriously, on earth. Natalie’s awesome, don’t get me wrong, but, Gia’s definitely more girlfriend material than Natalie.
Natalie’s a cool girl… but she’s super flirty and she will definitely have Dave or Kovacs’ back before his.
Jesse talks to Natalie about how she’s made the rounds. At one point she did like Kovacs a lot.
(Eww. Why does everyone like him?)
Natalie likes Jesse because he’s really sweet.
She’s a ho. How is he not a ho.
He’s giving her the friends speech. He broke her heart.
The past three years of her life she’s been hurt and disappointed and let down. So now she’s focused on the money.
Jesse is an Outsider. Natalie is one of the cool kids.
So he thinks being in a relationship is not a good idea here.
Gia says she made a strategic mistake by giving Wes the rose. But she has a new plan.
She tells the girls they should go for Kiptyn. So it’ll be 5 for Craig and 5 for Kiptyn and she’ll be the tie-breaker.
Way too late to be making this call. Why didn’t you just give Craig the effing rose?
The guys are going to vote out Jessie S. because she is “creating problems” for everyone in the house? What problems? She’s too hot?
Why does Gia make so many weird faces?
Chris H. asks Elizabeth about her relationship with Jesse. She says it’s no different from Kiptyn and Tenley.
Tenley jumps in and says maybe physically. Elizabeth thinks that was rude.
Tenley is crying again.
Big talk about people spreading lies and rumors about each other. Jessie thinks that person should just be confronted.
WTF is Chris Harrison wearing? That tie!
Jessie isn’t worried because she feels like she has alliances on both sides.
Why DID the Outsiders pick Kiptyn as the first one to go? He’s too likable. They should’ve picked Kovacs. No one besides Elizabeth has a tie to him.
Elizabeth, Natalie and Ashley are sitting together. Ashley feels like she’s in the “in” crowd. It’s like flattering the outside girl in high school.
Ashley: I’m an intelligent girl with my own brain.
Elizabeth is a cliquey b*tch.
Dave talks to Jessie. He asks if she has a pact with Craig.
He wants to go back to the people spreading rumors with whatever she says.
Jessie swears she will vote Craig off tonight.
Dave doesn’t know what to believe.
Jessie feels blindsided. She’s going to suck it up and vote for Craig to prove to Dave that she wasn’t lying.
The guys come up with a new plan to vote out Krisily, because she’s been “pretty abrasive.”
Craig M. voted for Jessie. Jonathan voted for Jessie. So the Outsiders think she’s turned on them. (And they’re right.)
Why is she feeling so sorry for herself? She HAS tried to play both sides.
Krisily is worried about going home. Nikki reiterates that the smart move is to break up the clique. She’s friends with Kiptyn but they have to put personal feelings aside.
Dave, Kovacs and Kiptyn strategize about trying to get a swing vote out of Nikki.
Stay strong, Nikki!
Kiptyn plays her well. She feels stuck. She’s already crying. These women are so hormonal.
He’s not going to hold her vote against her. He’s totally playing her.
She wishes she could vote another girl off.
Nikki: It’s just not an advantage being a girl right now.
STOP blaming women for everything.
She’s another one with a heart vs. head battle where she’s going to go back on her word and rationalize it as following her heart.
You’ve been PLAYED, girl.
At the elimination ceremony Gia says Nikki stabbed them in the back by saving Kiptyn, but she just did exactly what Gia did.
Nikki feels so alienated, but she did this to herself.
Poor Craig M. He didn’t do much to save himself, though.
Jessie still thinks she found love in the house with Dave?
Gia is not going to trust anyone anymore. Start with yourself.
Dave said there is no Outsider group. They squashed that tonight.