Skip to main content
  1. Life
  2. Relationships
  3. Relationship Advice

Awful Ideas that have leaked into common sexual practice

See also

Like it or not most of our ideas and impressions about sex when we're young come from entertainment, be it movies or second hand stories. Because entertainment and reality go together like sour kraut and ice cream, we end up being raised on some truly awful suggestions. things like:

Outdoor activities:

you've seen this in the movies haven't you? The beach, the park, the forest, what a romantic thing to do...yeah, not really. Think of your most vulnerable orifice, now think of everything that's on the ground, on the trees, in the sand. As much air as you usually get inside you while you're doing the deed, that's how much sand and dirt you're going to be cleaning out later. It's a bit less of a worry for the men, but try to have some sympathy, you're vulnerable too. Don't forget that being outdoors means you're in public. You never know who's watching. Which brings us to the next bad idea.

Being watched:

you were thinking it would make you feel sooo dirty if your friends could watch you two go at it. Sit down a moment and consider what you're putting in their minds. If you're friends or whoever you get agrees to this at all it means they're getting something out of it. You just put images in the mind of someone you know is going to be fantasizing about your partner, or you. Make you feel kinda creepy yet? If not then maybe you can go ahead but don't say I didn't warn you about what you're unleashing. Think long and hard about your friends thinking long and hard about you and see if it doesn't bother you.

Make a video:

So now your next bright idea is that you want to watch yourselves. That's safe isn't it? No one will ever see it. I don't have to warn you about potential blackmail or shame if it leaks out. Let's assume you're going to destroy the tape, or file, immediately. There is still some shame to be had. When you think about making a tape you're picturing yourselves like the shave, waxed, washed and perfect actors you can see in movies. You on the other hand are full of bumps, hair, moles, rashes, pimples, wrinkles, fat parts and it's all a lot worse when you're moving around and sweating. If you thought you had performance anxiety before, try having the image of what you really look like naked in your mind. Better hope that video isn't high definition.

Get other people involved:

I think I made my point about this with being watched but just in case you still think you're way to enlightened to ever feel self conscious and in fact you're above jealousy let me present you with some reality. You are capable of being jealous. It might take a little longer, but if you care about your partner at all than all the openness and enlightenment and understanding in the world won't make this okay again. Group sex will destroy any relationship, guaranteed. If you think your partner has a lot of dirt to bring up in arguments now, imagine if they had a good image of you getting intimate with someone else. Even if they were a part of it, that image will make anyone insecure.

Let's wrap this up with some things that are just plain old unpleasant:

Anal: this just hurts. a lot. It causes various medical problems and potential infections. I'm not trying to say that it's impossible for anyone to enjoy this, but there is no physiological reason that women could get the slightest pleasure out of it. Maybe mentally, but 99 times out of 100 if a woman says she's okay with it she's lying to make you happy. Be considerate.

Facials: You know what I mean. As a man this might make you feel empowered, but it's just gross and humiliating for the woman. Try launching hot Vaseline at your face if you don't believe me.

69: Yeah I know, it sounds good in theory but consider where your nose is going to be planted and then just pray they didn't have that second bean burrito at dinner.

Comments

Advertisement

Life

  • Derek Hough
    Derek Hough brings quadruple threat talent to 'DWTS' and beyond
    Today's Buzz
  • Hookah smoking
    Young adults believe hookah smoking pose no health threat
    Camera
    7 Photos
  • Top outdoor activities
    Don't spend your summer indoors: Top outdoor activities to do with your significant other
    Camera
    10 Photos
  • Baby shower idea for men
    A new twist on baby showers is throwing a Daddy Baby-Q
    Camera
    7 Photos
  • Wedding special
    'Curvy Brides' offers a new look into every bride's pursuit for her picture perfect wedding gown
    Camera
    7 Photos
  • Morbid obesity
    Health: Morbid obesity decreases life span by up to 16 years
    Camera
    7 Photos