In Texas, we take to heart the old saying, “Eat, drink, and be merry!” The first two actions on that list are rather self-evident, proven statewide with perennial BBQ contests and locally brewed beer that we’re gracious enough to export outside our borders; however, it’s always been a little tricky to scientifically document the latter: be merry. At long last, our prayers have been heard, and the universe has sent us an indisputable answer.
According to a “study” performed by the illustrious team of scientists and statisticians over at Men’s Health magazine, Austin, Texas is ranked the No. 1 “sex-happy” city in the nation. The rankings were calculated using a complex mathematical formula involving variables such as: birth rates, number of STI cases reported, sex-toy sales and condom sales.
So it may not be the most methodical or accurate way of populating a list of sex-crazed cities, but the No. 1 ranking definitely affords Austin an interesting bragging right (at least until November’s issue hits newsstands). But wait! It gets better. Texas cities took seven of the top fifteen positions on the list—Austin (No. 1), Dallas (No. 2), Arlington (No. 7), Houston (No. 10), Lubbock (No. 11), Fort Worth (No. 12), and San Antonio (No. 15). Texas is having more sex than any other state in America! Yeehaw!
You may be wondering, “Hold on. What about all those hippies in LA, NY, and San Francisco? I always thought THEY’d be having the most sex due to that extra hour per week they get from skipping church!” Turns out these cities are eating our dust with rankings of No. 54, No. 73, No. 74, respectively. Well, now the world knows how Texans alleviate the stress of our God-fearing ways.
Obviously, everyone needs to forget about “Gettin’ lucky in Kentucky.” Besides, it’s always been doubtful that there was anything lucky about being in Kentucky, and now—thanks to Men’s Health—there is incontestable evidence that you won’t get laid there either. It was probably just some sexually frustrated state legislator’s ploy to increase tourism.
Instead, try this phrase on for size, “Come down to Texas, and turn your wives into exes.”