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Attracting a Loving Relationship: The Insiders' Guide to Good Vibrations


Photo by Yuri Arcurs

You didn’t endure the headgear years for nothing. Your smile lights up a room. In fact, studies have shown that flashing your pearly whites, or what I lovingly refer to as “giving good happy,” is contagious and can spread as rapidly as the common cold on a crowded subway train. Unfortunately, the same is true of other emotions such as fear, sadness or anger, which much like happiness can be transmitted up to three degrees of separation away, attracting like-minded individuals like moths to a flame.

“The Law of Attraction is the idea that your thoughts and feelings create a vibration in your body and therefore you attract like vibrations or results,” said James Arthur Ray, a success strategist and New York Times Best-Selling author of Harmonic Wealth: The Secret of Attracting the Life You Want. Ray adds that there is indisputable evidence that great thinkers and history-makers – from Einstein to Henry Ford to Gandhi – believed in this law and practiced it.

Energy flows where attention goes,” said Ray.  “If you’re consistently telling yourself that you’ll never find Mr. Right, or you’re constantly feeling lonely, you’ll attract into your life exactly what you’re focusing your attention upon.”

So how do we combat these negative thoughts and embrace our inner good vibrations guru? And if we can indeed attract the man of our dreams by simply thinking positive, why is bitterness in Beantown as unavoidably redundant as AC/DC in a karaoke bar or Uggs in a New England winter?

Attracting Love is an Inside Job
“Psychologist Martin Seligman conducted research on optimists versus pessimists and found that optimistic people outperform pessimistic people 10-to-1,” said Ray. “The good news is that he contends that an optimistic mindset has a set of qualities and characteristics that can be learned by anyone.”

“Every relationship with others starts with relationship with self. It’s an inside job. If you think you want your perfect mate, but feel deep down you’re not worthy, you won’t attract him or her into your life,” adds Ray.

How you treat yourself is an example to the world of how the world should treat you. Understand that you have an unlimited potential within you and are totally and completely unlimited in your ability to create all the goodness you desire. When you activate the eternal in you, the universe will line up behind you and literally be at your command.”

Getting Started
“Remember all relationships operate upon the same qualities and principles, whether romantic or not,” said Ray. “So conversely, if you fix your thoughts and feelings upon all the wonderful friends and family members you currently have, and consistently feel grateful for them, your actions will follow and you’ll, without exception, attract that love into your life.”

Here are some of Ray’s suggestions to get you started on the road to a loving relationship:

  • Activating this Law to improve your romantic life starts with creating a firm, specific intention, which will guide your unconscious mind. Get clear on the specific qualities you want to attract in a mate and make a list of at least 50 of these qualities.
  • Go down through your list and place the initials of at least 3 people in your life right now that possess each of these 50 qualities. For example, your mother is affectionate, your boss is smart, your brother has a great sense of humor and so forth. Feel the feelings of gratitude each and every day for these people and qualities in your life.
  • Take bold action (you have to go 3-for-3 with your thoughts, feelings and actions all firing in alignment). Ask yourself: What can I do for myself today? Start with being grateful for everything you already have in your life. Every day, wake up and thank the universe for giving you so much to be grateful for, and don’t spend an ounce of energy focusing on what you don’t have. Do something nice for yourself today and treat yourself well.

Practice Makes Perfect
“This is a way of living and being, and not a quick-fix methodology,” said Ray. “Like any new skill whether it’s learning to play the piano or tennis, it takes time and practice to reach the top of your game. If you commit yourself to changing your thoughts and feelings, you most certainly will change your life. It’s hard particularly at first—but it’s hard to be sick, alone and lonely too. Once you commit to the process, and stick with it, you’ll begin to see amazing results.”

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More About James Arthur Ray
James Arthur Ray has made multiple appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show and Larry King Live, and is a recurring guest on NBC's top-rated national morning show, Today. He was interviewed as part of the movie documentary The Secret, and has been featured in numerous publications, both regionally and nationally, including a feature article in a March 2009 issue of The New York Times on the growing success of his Harmonic Wealth Weekends and an April 2008 profile in Fortune Magazine.