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Attachment is not the same as a dependency or being dependent

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Attach me, please, to one of the priestly offices to eat a piece of bread" 1 Samuel 2:36 "..They must attach themselves to the house of Jacob" Isaiah 14:1 "for when they had not yet been born nor had practiced anything good or vile, in order that the purpose of God respecting the choosing might continue dependent, not upon works, but upon the one who calls,.." Romans 9:11 "if anyone ministers, let him minister as dependent on the strength that God supplies" 1 Peter 4:11

How often in the Peter Pan syndrome of relations, he or she calls out to not want to become dependent in the relationship? How often a loving attachment is misconstrued in an erroneous belief to be a dependency? A man leaving his mother and father to join to his wife and to become one flesh (Genesis 2:24) is not a dependency. It is an attachment that may be far from an unresolved rebellious adolescent outcry need for autonomy and independence.

When partners believe that attachment and dependency are inseparable, the two may blend, fuse or conflict. Dependence means reliance, faith, belief, hope, confidence, need, craving, or trust. Attachment means love, affection, liking, tenderness, warmth, friendship, regard, extra connection, addition, or add-on. Dependency means reliance, addiction, habit, or enslavement. Fear of dependency may cause one to become defensive, inhibit intimacy, sharing or becoming, or being, attached. That may discourage positive communication in, development or furtherance of the relationship.

If dependence would be a need (or craving), love, warmth or friendship would satisfy it. And in a some sense, the satisfaction, would strengthen the relation between dependence and love- forming a dependency. Dependency as a form of robust mutual reliance is not all that bad. Dependency felt, or meaning given to, as an enslavement, addiction, or habit may trigger the defiance for independence- that may cause the separation. That may cause pursuing selfish (interim) means or (terminal) goals, as opposed to providing for the same amalgam for the partner or the relationship.

Modifying one's belief about relational dependence, attachment and dependency as being different in meanings than mere enslavement may save the relationship.



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