Good day, Kansas City! Teddy Love is back with “Ask Teddy” on Examiner.com where you’ll find responses from Teddy Love to questions about dating, love, and relationships from readers on a weekly basis. Here are this week’s questions.
How soon should a guy call after he gets a girl’s number? My boys and I have been all over this topic lately and [their advice ranges] from right away to a week. I just got a girl’s number last night at happy hour and could use your help ASAP!
The Guys in Belton
Well, Guys, this comes up all the time. Normally anywhere between 2-4 days is the basic understood time frame. It’s a lot more about your approach when you call, and less about how long you wait. You never want to come across as being too forceful, and at the same time you don’t want to seem like you’re not interested. Teddy Love’s solution goes something like this-- Send the “It was really great meeting you,” text after taking some time to talk with them and we exchange numbers. That usually breaks the ice and starts the conversation, making it much easier to gauge when a call back is appropriate. If it doesn’t get the conversation going, you may want to just move on. Another easy way around this issue is to set the call up at the time of getting the number. For example, you can say, “Ok I’ll call you Thursday after work.” However, if you do make plans to call her at a certain time, do it! If you call sooner than you said you would, you’ll seem overzealous. If you’re late, you’ll lose credibility and seem disinterested.
I’m a strong, independent woman who knows what I want. I work hard and play hard, so when I’m out with my gals having a drink, I’m the ones who goes up to the men I want to talk to. I’ll ask for their number or just give them mine when its time. Now here is where the issue starts after talking or texting (which I hate) for a very short amount of time—I setup up a date and time to meet again in person. What I’m finding is by doing this that the men expect me to pay. Is that right? If you ask, you pay? Help!
Ms. Thing from Overland Park
Ms. Thing, your letter is a little confusing. You started out proclaiming that you are a “new age woman,” willing to set aside tradition by approaching the men who peak your interest. And you have every right to do so in this age of gender equality. But in making that choice, you also open yourself up for the "new age" gender equality standard which says that women can pay for the date. You can't have it both ways.
Some men are so nervous about the possibility of being rejected by an outspoken, independent woman that they become too intimidated to approach her. So if a woman has repeatedly sent all the traditional "ask me out" signals to a man who is simply not getting the picture, she may ultimately have to ask him out. If he was just too timid to set up the date, he may be relieved that you made the first move, and he probably will expect to pay.
Traditionally, men pay for dinner. He pays for the honor of taking you out after he asks you for permission to do so. If you really expect the man to pay for dinner, then make sure he is the one that asked you out to begin with. When the check comes to the table, tell him thank you for the dinner and that you had a great time. This will generally get the point across that you expect him to pay. Now if he turns back to you and says no thank you or you both go in for the old thanks then your back at square one. The common rule in this day and age is if you ask, you pay!