I know you must be very busy...but I hope you can help me understand.... why my boyfriend has lied, snuck around cheated on me!
We seemed so happy...in almost every way...sexually I find him boring, selfish lover...only out for his own satisfaction...not into foreplay or pleasing me!!!! Out of the bedroom most generous, caring....
Found out he has cheated on all his girlfriends/ex wives! Now, I'm no Lily White... or miss perfect but in a commitment I'm faithful, loyal.... but when I'm single.... I will have a lover or two...or just flirt, tease some...LOL
Now, my boyfriend says I'm beautiful, I make him happy, laugh, smile but yet.... he still texts other women, ex girlfriends...just cheated on me twice in September with ex wife! She’s not even sexy or very pretty as far as I am concerned....
So why cheat...when I want to please him sexually?
I asked her how it was with him ...she said he came three times that night! Damn...with me, it's… he gets a blow job then he does the slam bam thank you...rolls over and goes to sleep.... I am confused, & sexually frustrated!
Jenny, –Denver, Colorado-
Jenny, Jenny, I’m a bit stuck here… One might ask why you think he is worth all of the frustration?
Yes, you say he’s most generous and caring, out of the bedroom… yet you seem to be most unsatisfied within the realms of your sexual life together. It would seem that sex is an important part of what you think makes a good relationship. This is understandable, and a perfectly fine way to feel; so why accept anything less?
It takes a good understanding of the mental, emotional, sexual and even spiritual ideals of your partner to continually make a relationship thrive and grow. Without clear communication this cannot happen, sooner or later one of you will feel lacking in some way.
It is essential to communicate these types of feelings to your partner when they arise, whether you’re off base or not. If you do not talk through these issues you really have no real barometer of how things are actually going between the two of you, or what is real or contrived by the intense emotions you are feeling.
Now, bend over… while I spank you (Grins) but really I need to scold you a bit here… IT IS NEVER, a good idea to contact old lovers or wives for information when it comes to your partner. There is a reason they are Ex’s. Do you really think you will get the truth or even valid information from them? Come on think about it, how would you respond to someone who has that which you do not have anymore?
That being said it is also, NEVER a good idea, to go out and find another to fulfill the areas that you may feel are lacking within your relationship. If things are really that bad, you should talk to your partner first and see if there is any remedy to the situation. Respect each other or forget about it!
Jenny, if he is going to someone else for sex and you feel you are supplying him with all that he needs in that area, there must be some kind of break down in your communications with each other.
It could be as simple as the fact that he is just not ready to be monogamous, and is being a snake… Or it could be much more complex. Maybe he feels your energy; the fact you are totally unsatisfied with his sexual performance, and thus he is going to a past lover or lovers who might have been on a different and much lower level as far as sexual wants and needs go. Thus his performance is far better with them because they do not expect much from him in the first place, In other words he feels no pressure from them.
NOW… this does not mean you must lower your expectations sexually. What it does mean is that you must find a different way to communicate your needs to him. Maybe you forgo the oral sex on him until he pleases you? First off he will have to warm you up, and take much more time with you in order to do this. This will in-turn please you, thus as your satisfaction levels go up, your dissatisfaction and the energy that comes with it will naturally dissipate. Then when you explode, your happiness will naturally boil over to him and induce you to make him happy. SEX is a two-way street, Period! In this way what you are communicating by your actions, is that you are saying that you want and need to have him release you, and when he does this he will get rewarded. That’s a gentle way to start. (Actually that’s the way it should be), Wink, wink.
Let’s get real now, because he has been unfaithful to you and others… you need to decide if you can even deal with him anymore, on any level. Resentment will kill any and all Desire; Period! One question I am presented with in this type of situation over and over is; will he or she ever change? This is the fact of the situation, if you go into a relationship thinking you can change the other person, you are setting yourself up for failure. If you suspect the person of your desire is unfaithful do not for a moment think that you and your sexual appeal can change them. They must make the change for themselves, yes maybe you can snare their attention for a moment of time… but as far as the long run they are the only ones who can change their own behavior, if they want to. So its time to have THE TALK; be frank and honest about your feelings in All-Ways and at that time, you can decide if he is willing to settle down and if you believe him. But remember it is easy to tell someone what he or she wants to hear; it is up to you and your heart if the information is true or false.
In any relationship you must have OPEN and REAL communication with one and other. This must happen, not in one, but in all of the aspects of the relationship. If this does not happen, certain actions or reactions can and will result pushing you further apart. Regardless if it’s the correct response or totally off the reservation, the results can be very damaging. In the end we are forced into real communication, and at that time we may have to make the real hard decisions. SO why wait until then? Listen and communicate openly with your partner from the beginning, do this with love in your heart, challenge yourself to do this daily thus all of your dreams can and will come true! [Copyright 2011]
Michael Schuessler, author of the sex and sensuality classic, ‘The Holy G-rail', Please visit his website, www.theholyg-rail.com to see all the different forms of Michaels works of creativity.
If you have any questions, in the sensual or sexual realm of life please E-mail me.(Use an alias if you'd like to keep your privacy). I also do private One on One consultations at 1-855-Holy G 4 U (1-855-465-9448) All calls are strictly confidential. If you have any questions or just need someone to listen, please call. I am here for you!