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Ask Michael Q&A: Why are some men so unable to satisfy their women sexually?


Photo by Sherry Michael, 'Sour- Puss

HI Michael,

Almost 20 years ago I dated this fabulous guy for about 3 months before I ended it due to pure sexual incompatibility. He was pretty much the perfect boyfriend in every way but sex was almost never pleasurable, even for a few seconds. It wasn't painful and he responded well to all encouragement, it was almost sense-less. Yes I faked a lot so I didn’t devastate this kind, funny, warm, attentive hunk and we practiced a lot but it never improved.

I ended the relationship as kindly as possible after a few months and felt a bit confused and GUILTY as hell but I believe the writing was on the wall. I've never had to fake before or since.

Kissing n' telling is not my thing but during a visit home, an old school friend asked me "How do you know Mick?” and I responded that I dated his friend Don. So did she, so we talked a bit about how wonderful he was, then one of us said “we just didn't click in the sexual dept”, well we were actually relieved of the, “was it me?” We discovered that this common experience was with the same person.

This great guy went on to marry and have children and some years later his wife left him embittered, telling all who would listen about her absolute lack of a fulfilling sex life. That was her only gripe and reason to leave the marriage, she admitted it but she was very vocal with the resentment building up over the years.

So this attractive heterosexual guy had all the right moves and allowed himself to be educated, coached etc. yet the 3 of us women shared the same experience with him…he couldn’t get any of us off!

Why are some men so unable to satisfy their women sexually? I've somewhat settled on a 'gimpy' pheromone theory but would love to hear your musings.

Constance -Denver- CO.


I must say you ponder life and the past all too well… Now I understand that you had a bad experience, with this particular partner, and I sincerely mean no disrespect to you when I say that I find this all a bit amusing; but you asked, and I must give you my honest opinion.

Only because you happened to find not one, or two, but three other women, that confirm your ideals on what went wrong sexually within this so called perfect relationship, with this man that was so perfect in all details and ways. (Except for the sex).

Normally I would say; Constance you should feel neither guilt nor shame for he obviously didn’t listen to your needs and/or didn’t have the patience or stamina to initiate and follow through with your release.

But, I must change my tune here, so if I may? I must shed some light on this situation, and try to consider how a different approach from the very beginning may have alleviated this problem for you, and for each and every woman he has had intimate relations with since then.

I say this because you say he was coachable and allowed himself to be educated, so I must conclude, and you should consider that somewhere the coaching and education went awry and not necessarily on his end.

Why you may ask? Because faking it in any manner for any situation is wrong especially in the sexual realm! How can you coach someone in the art of lovemaking and then fake the orgasm? I get the funny feeling that maybe your heart and soul wasn’t really in the moment and your patience failed.

I must be bit stern here, but this is because he was amendable to suggestion, maybe a bit slow, (or very slow), but amendable never the less. He wanted to learn and had you given him patience, true communication and a loving touch, I believe you could have molded him into the sexual monster full of tricks and trades that each and every woman dreams of.

Ladies do not fake it! Not if you expect the next time to be full of excitement and vigor, we gentlemen may be a bit null and void at times, but give us a chance; we will please you if you guide us gently and with love in your heart. It takes patience, and communication to achieve the deeper aspects of passion, love and sexual ecstasy. Being dishonest with the guise of not hurting ones feelings will only cause more discourse within the relationship in all-way and on all levels.

How would you feel ladies, if throughout your life you thought you were the best at oral sex, really enjoyed it, then one day you realized your partners no longer requested it and actually moved away with no comment, when you applied your techniques?

You are sharing your most sacred of areas, mentally, emotionally and physically with your partner, and he with you. If they are willing to learn, than have the patience to follow through, go on a quest, for you too will reap the rewards if you just stay true to the course.

Remember, its always better to gently and with love tell your partner what is truly going within your encounters, this way you truly are able to enjoy each other in all-ways.

'By the act of giving... you shall receive10 times that which you put out! The human body is a wondrous things. Experience the beaty of it on all levels. RELEASE!'

-Michael Schuessler-

Changing The World One Orgasm ~ At A Time™

Michael Schuessler, author of the sex and sensuality classic, The Holy G-rail', Please visit his website, to see all the different forms of Michaels works of creativity.

If you have any questions, in the sensual or sexual arena of life please E-mail me. (Use an alias if you'd like to keep your privacy).

If you liked this you might like these as well:
2010 Valentines Guide; How do you love to be loved?
5 weeks to a fearless and more passionate life.
Sheer nakedness... the gray areas of lovemaking.


  • A Sonnenberg St. Louis Womens Relationship Advice 4 years ago

    Excellent advice -- faking it robs both parties, the woman of her orgasm, the man of giving her an orgasm. It's a lie from start to finish.

  • Cammie 4 years ago

    I totally agree that faking it is not going to help anyone. How could anyone stay in a relationship for so long without somehow finding a way of getting the release that you want. Any man can satisfy a women if she knows exactly what she wants. I feel so sorry for a man who is expected to bring a woman to orgasm every time(can we not do it for ourselves, by just knowing what moves to make and being totally in the present) Sorry ladies i think that men are expected to do it all for us these days. Surely we after so many years should know our own bodies so well and we will know exactley what moves to make and where he can touch etc! Having said that maybe i have just been very lucky with my man but i usually let him know and he is so good at it now. But the orgasm largeley depends on my own doing. Sorry ladies but i do think that we put too much pressure on the men.

  • SILVIE WANKBATH 4 years ago


  • Stacy 4 years ago

    I am going to agree with Cammie. Woman are just as responsible for their orgasms as men are. You have to really know your mind and own body. There are so many ways to orgasm. Like why did you not get on top and take charge? If he could follow instruction and was willing to do what ever it took to have you achieve your orgasm and you were not having one then maybe their is some blockage in your mind that will not let you be satisfied. Maybe he was so great and that scared you in some subconcious way. You could have done roll playing. Or anal. You could have used a vibrator with him also...there are just so many things. Honesty is always the best policy. Faking an orgasm makes him think he has satisfied you and given him a false sense of accomplishment. How would he think he needed anymore learning if he think he has got it down because you lied and he doesn't even have a clue what is wrong.

  • Aline 4 years ago

    It does seem rather obvious to me that if he was willing to learn and try and yet there was still no satisfaction that he was probably not the problem. And yes, we women do need to take more responsibility in the sexual arena.

  • Marie 4 years ago

    I love this latest question and your wonderful reply to her! I am thinking about all you said now. We really need to change our viewing perspective in order to understand the complexities of love .. of life . Many thanks for giving us the chance to reach happiness!

  • Susan 4 years ago

    One of the best pieces of advice I've ever received was to consider the concept of "An Erotic Play Date." Instead of putting so much emphasis on every sexual encounter with an expectation that it has to be "great," sometimes it's simply fun to play, to try a new technique, to give each other loads of feedback.

    In ReviveHerDrive, a product I created for men who want to increase the amount of physical intimacy in their relationship and are struggling to get their woman to be as sexual, as frequently as they'd like, we teach guys tons of different ways to have a "sensual date."

    This warms a woman to a man, creates the opening for positive communication and takes the edge off the couples' ego.

    Michael, great article on why faking is never an option. And I'd add that the more honest you are with your lover, the sexier the intimacy can become.

  • Prashanti 4 years ago

    I agree with a what you say to a large degree, but, I understand the situation as well, except, I can say the man was doing all the correct things, it just never worked, I would say a large part of the problem is lack of chemistry, simple things like a body odor, and I don’t mean bad body odor, hell, if you are into the guy, the worse he smells the better, but, if the chemistry is not there body odor can be repulsive and everything is downhill from there, it is just an example, maybe the taste of his kiss was not good and it is not about mints or toothpaste, it is just the person’s body works… Being a woman I am not shore if men have similar issues, I am going to guess yes but it probably does not interfere with the sex act at hand, just not going for seconds, but I really don’t know… This is not to insult any man, or a judgment, but more or less to shed light on the subtle but real facts of what I am calling chemistry, maybe the term is wrong, I have not studied this, I have lived it, sex is a deal breaker for me, I need to want my man around, to melt into him as he melts into me, this is not as easy as put it her and touch me there and lick me more and let me do this and that. Not to discount that this kind of communication is VITAL for sexual survival and integrity, but, if it isn’t there it isnot going to appear because of a correct caress of the hand… My opinion, not necessarily fact…

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