Photo by Sherry Michael, 'Sour- Puss
Almost 20 years ago I dated this fabulous guy for about 3 months before I ended it due to pure sexual incompatibility. He was pretty much the perfect boyfriend in every way but sex was almost never pleasurable, even for a few seconds. It wasn't painful and he responded well to all encouragement, it was almost sense-less. Yes I faked a lot so I didn’t devastate this kind, funny, warm, attentive hunk and we practiced a lot but it never improved.
I ended the relationship as kindly as possible after a few months and felt a bit confused and GUILTY as hell but I believe the writing was on the wall. I've never had to fake before or since.
Kissing n' telling is not my thing but during a visit home, an old school friend asked me "How do you know Mick?” and I responded that I dated his friend Don. So did she, so we talked a bit about how wonderful he was, then one of us said “we just didn't click in the sexual dept”, well we were actually relieved of the, “was it me?” We discovered that this common experience was with the same person.
This great guy went on to marry and have children and some years later his wife left him embittered, telling all who would listen about her absolute lack of a fulfilling sex life. That was her only gripe and reason to leave the marriage, she admitted it but she was very vocal with the resentment building up over the years.
So this attractive heterosexual guy had all the right moves and allowed himself to be educated, coached etc. yet the 3 of us women shared the same experience with him…he couldn’t get any of us off!
Why are some men so unable to satisfy their women sexually? I've somewhat settled on a 'gimpy' pheromone theory but would love to hear your musings.
Constance -Denver- CO.
I must say you ponder life and the past all too well… Now I understand that you had a bad experience, with this particular partner, and I sincerely mean no disrespect to you when I say that I find this all a bit amusing; but you asked, and I must give you my honest opinion.
Only because you happened to find not one, or two, but three other women, that confirm your ideals on what went wrong sexually within this so called perfect relationship, with this man that was so perfect in all details and ways. (Except for the sex).
Normally I would say; Constance you should feel neither guilt nor shame for he obviously didn’t listen to your needs and/or didn’t have the patience or stamina to initiate and follow through with your release.
But, I must change my tune here, so if I may? I must shed some light on this situation, and try to consider how a different approach from the very beginning may have alleviated this problem for you, and for each and every woman he has had intimate relations with since then.
I say this because you say he was coachable and allowed himself to be educated, so I must conclude, and you should consider that somewhere the coaching and education went awry and not necessarily on his end.
Why you may ask? Because faking it in any manner for any situation is wrong especially in the sexual realm! How can you coach someone in the art of lovemaking and then fake the orgasm? I get the funny feeling that maybe your heart and soul wasn’t really in the moment and your patience failed.
I must be bit stern here, but this is because he was amendable to suggestion, maybe a bit slow, (or very slow), but amendable never the less. He wanted to learn and had you given him patience, true communication and a loving touch, I believe you could have molded him into the sexual monster full of tricks and trades that each and every woman dreams of.
Ladies do not fake it! Not if you expect the next time to be full of excitement and vigor, we gentlemen may be a bit null and void at times, but give us a chance; we will please you if you guide us gently and with love in your heart. It takes patience, and communication to achieve the deeper aspects of passion, love and sexual ecstasy. Being dishonest with the guise of not hurting ones feelings will only cause more discourse within the relationship in all-way and on all levels.
How would you feel ladies, if throughout your life you thought you were the best at oral sex, really enjoyed it, then one day you realized your partners no longer requested it and actually moved away with no comment, when you applied your techniques?
You are sharing your most sacred of areas, mentally, emotionally and physically with your partner, and he with you. If they are willing to learn, than have the patience to follow through, go on a quest, for you too will reap the rewards if you just stay true to the course.
Remember, its always better to gently and with love tell your partner what is truly going within your encounters, this way you truly are able to enjoy each other in all-ways.
Changing The World One Orgasm ~ At A Time™
If you have any questions, in the sensual or sexual arena of life please E-mail me. (Use an alias if you'd like to keep your privacy).
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