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Ask Michael Q&A: Where do I draw the line when it comes to family?

'Don't burst my bubble'
'Don't burst my bubble'
Photo by: Michael Schuessler

Michael,

In a relationship where everything is going well; The guy constantly complains about the son who is 27 yrs old living at the house, how he feels his son has taken over his space, leaves his laundry in the washer and dryer, bedroom not picked up, dirty dishes in the sink, and a dirty kitchen when he cooks. Bringing his friends out to hangout till midnight or so knowing his dad has to get up and go to work at 2:30am.

The man tells you everything is ok between us, and then he asks what we were doing for the holiday of thanksgiving? Reminding him that we were planning to hangout for his birthday and holiday, he snaps at me, says I have plans to be out of town for a couple of days, didn't I tell you this? After he apologized, and a day later he asks if I am still coming out for his Birthday and the holiday? I replied saying no, because you told me you had plans for a couple of days off to go out of town for your birthday. So I cancelled my reservations since you obviously had some plans, but I am fine with that, go ahead and go have fun. He got mad and hung up on me.

Personally feel like he is taking his kid issues out on me, and I also feel like he is punishing me? I have called and asked that if he doesn't want to be together, and please be up front and honest, but no reply. Michael where do I draw the line when it comes to family and my relationship?

Charlotte -Denver-

Charlotte,

It would seem to me the relationship is not going as well as it would seem and there is a pretty big communication breakdown happening.

I understand how difficult children can be on a relationship… but really the “kid” is 27 years old, (NOT a kid anymore). I have no tolerance when it comes to family members and disrespect, regardless of their age. His son is an adult and should be treated as such.

If the friction you feel is actually coming from the environment and circumstances your partner has at home, he needs to change those circumstances if he expects to get back to the passionate relationship you and he may have once had.

All you can do my lady is be honest and communicate openly with him, with respect to your feelings on the issues that surround you and your relationship with him.

All the support in the world in a situation like this is meaningless if your partner fails to see that his child is creating so much stress within him and his surroundings, and that this stress is now flowing outward to everything and everyone around him.

Family can destroy a relationship, if priorities are not set, kept and realized. We can become so blind when it comes to the blood ties of family.

It amazes me how some people can accept such high levels of manipulation, and allow so much more disrespect from a family member then one would from a stranger or even a worst enemy.

As far as I am concerned, when someone allows this type of behavior to continue, it begins to destroy his or her own self-respect. Thus it begins to shade each and every response they put out towards others with hints of negativity. For they have become so clouded with shame and/or guilt for feeling and wanting to stop the behavior, yet because it is a so-called family member they feel powerless, and are unable to stand up and make the changes needed for their own happiness. Forget about the happiness of those they really care for, those that would do anything for them, those who treat them with the upmost love and respect and compassion.

Charlotte, with a loving heart continue to communicate your wants, needs and desires to him, have patience… understanding the fact that even the most disliked family member can influence the motives and actions of those whom we love. Yet expect no less then the upmost respect from your partner. Do not allow outside influences to destroy that which you care about so much, and if you find that this continually happens and the disrespect continues even after confronting the issues, then maybe it’s time to make a change.

Remember people!

Blood does not necessarily have to be thicker than water! If you have family members that refuse to treat and/or accept you as you are; If they continually disrespect you in the name of family or just plane selfishness or ignorance. It’s time to CHECK yourself; and then give them the dose of reality they need to become better, caring and more compassionate human beings.

Out of acceptance, love and respect, we will naturally feel the necessity to give, share, and be compassionate to others. Do not allow family members to make up rules on the way we treat and expect to be treated by others. Get your priorities straight and surround yourself with those that share in the experience of life that you desire and expect, those who have the same loving mindset as you have for yourself. Expect no less from those with whom you have blood ties with your family.

Have a wonderful New Year! Start this year with pride in yourself and don’t allow others to make you feel unworthy! Love yourself thus you can accept the love of the world! [Copyright, Michael Schuessler 2011]

Smiles.
-Michael Schuessler-
Changing The World One Orgasm ~ At A Time™


Michael Schuessler
, author of the sex and sensuality classic, ‘The Holy G-rail', Please visit his website, www.theholyg-rail.com to see all the different forms of Michaels works of creativity.

If you have any questions, in the sensual or sexual arena of life please E-mail me. (Use an alias if you'd like to keep your privacy).

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