I read your column all the time, and love the responses you give people! Here is my question…I love getting naughty in public, the thrill of almost getting caught, but my husband doesn’t. We were in an elevator the other day and I tried to get a little frisky and he was mortified. Is something wrong with me for wanting and enjoying this or is it him? How can I get him to open up to this or do I have to resolve myself that there may never be, as Steven Tyler sings “Love in the Elevator?
Kendra, -Littleton, Colorado-
Great song by the way, and here’s my take. In situations like this both parties involved must want to have, and experience the same thing. Voyeurism takes a special type of personality, and not all men and/or women for that matter, are suited for this type of excitement.
Is there something wrong with him? No not at all… The question should be, how can I get him involved in my fantasies? How can I get him on board with wanting to play in public like I do?
Kendra, I think it's a matter of small steps at first. For instance, take a long drive up into the mountains far away from your home. Then start being a little naughty, gently caressing his leg, talk dirty to him, and give him the best of your sensuality and charm. If you get him really excited and you're driving down the road, when there’s no other car on the road, take the opportunity... maybe go down on him. It is really difficult for a man to say no to a blow job! The fact that you're on an abandoned road will give you a little bit of excitement and will gently move him in the direction you want them to go. This is just one possibility… expand on this and other types of gentle and subtle play, thus you will guide him into wanting it and not really caring about the circumstances that surround him at the time of the encounter.
Remember My Lady, that we men really need to be excited sexually, in order to perform in a high pressure type situation. Voyeurism creates even more pressure mentally as well as physically, because you are in an area in which you could be discovered. Unless your man is really comfortable with himself and you, it's going to be difficult for him to get it up and really enjoy the situation. Lest we remember, whether male or female, that the brain can be a terrible stumbling block when it comes to enjoying and releasing yourself sexually.
Voyeurism is a wonderful way to experience passion in a different light. Not all of us are geared to that type of excitement, some of us more than others, yet we all experience it in subtle ways from time to time. Like when were in the living room and the curtains are open and we decide to make love to our partners at that moment, that is a type voyeurism. I mean really, what happens if the post man rings the doorbell or your neighbor comes by? Or better yet, how may times have you gotten home from work, just find your partner in sexy lingerie and you gently slide your hands up and over her breasts. Do you worry about closing the curtains first? I think not! Sure it’s a 99% chance no one will even see this, but what happens if they do? Then you've reached that portal, you have been voyeuristic without even knowing or intentionally doing it.
Woo hoo I say! This Life is to live, this life is to experience and as long as we keep the passion within this, our lives, our love will do nothing but grow and gain intensity.
Kendra, start slow, start gently and I'm sure you two will experience the excitement of love on an elevator, or an airplane, or behind the bleachers…Wink wink.
Now… the only problem I see with having fun and being voyeuristic is that there are a lot of people out there who do not accept sexual play as fun, whether it's because they're not getting at home or because of past experiences, religious ideals and/or family persecution, whatever the reason they're a bit uptight. Uptight people seem to ruin the fun for all of us. So remember, as fun and exciting as having sex in public area can be… Make sure not to push the envelope too far. Take notice of who is around when you pull out all the stops, and get naked, taking extra special care that there are no children or elderly people present. Just saying… have fun, but be cool…
So, I say this! Loosen up people and enjoy yourselves, take the experiences you fantasize about and make them a reality. Being spontaneous is a wonderful thing and will add years to your relationship. [Copyright Michael Schuessler 2012]
If you have any questions, in the sensual or sexual realm of life please E-mail me.(Use an alias if you'd like to keep your privacy). I also do private One on One consultations at 1-855-Holy G 4 U (1-855-465-9448) All calls are strictly confidential. If you have any questions or just need someone to listen, please call. I am here for you!