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Ask Michael Q&A: His Doctor offered Cialis but I want spontaneity, what do I do?

Will these stop spontaneity?
Will these stop spontaneity?
Photo by: Michael Schuessler

Michael,

My soulmate has problems, mentally. I am his caregiver. He is on disability; with many co-morbid conditions.... he is bipolar with borderline personality disorder and many other things. His medication has affected his body as well as his mind.
We have not made love for 6 years. It is hard as a caregiver, because sometimes I don't like him when he is having his really bad days. I always love him. But I need intimacy again and a hug even once in awhile.

What do I do?

The doctors have offered to give him testosterone and Cialis, but I also want spontaneity. His mind wants me sometimes, but his body doesn't ever.

We have been together for 23 years and have three kids. I am with him for life, but sometimes I feel like a prisoner.

Tracy Cobein -Colorado-

Tracy,

I think it is great you have found your soulmate, and despite the problems you have encountered, you are still together after so many years.

I am sure that being his caregiver makes it tougher all the way around for both of you.

From your perspective, you may see and experience things about your partner that may in fact make you feel not so wanted and sometimes you may even feel slightly repelled… Not because of his limitations but because of his reactions to those limitations.

For him, I’m sure he feels a bit of humility because of having someone so close to him, see him as helpless and/or unable to perform, mentally, physically and even emotionally. All of these things can make even the saints go off the deep end. This allows for the emotions to get ugly. Then in turn everything else seems to go by the wayside.

You both have an enormous mountain you must climb each and every day. Bless you for doing this, many would have given up and/or subconsciously sabotaged the relationship by now.

Communication is the key, that and lots of Patience.

Keep in mind that men usually like to be the ones in charge, and be the ones that are providing for our partners and families. To be unable to do this becomes more of a burden to us then the disability itself at times. This is partially because of a thousand years or so of mass-mind conditioning, which makes it difficult for us mentally to change the roles we play, and accept the help so freely given.

Tracy, keep the lines of communication open, do not hold in the thoughts and feeling you are experiencing too terribly long. This will do nothing but make you feel useless and trapped as you have mentioned above. (You have a deep connection, which means he also can feel your discord, it also means you can talk to each other openly without fear).

Try taking the pressure off of him; let him know that cuddling does not necessarily mean you need penetration. It can be just a warm touch and embrace. Also, there are many other ways that he can stimulate you to release without using his member. Maybe you two can start a new chapter and begin some new and exciting experimentation? My book "The Holy G-rail" shows couples how to experience the most powerful of releases without the ole... in-and-out. (Wink) It also shows how to initiate different ways of communication, and how to express ones self with gentleness and ease.

Now Tracy, if his medical doctor is suggesting sexual aids that will help his body along. GO FOR IT!

These types of medications do NOT take the spontaneity out of lovemaking. They just help the body along and this is only after intimacy is initiated. It may only take a warm breath to be the initiator but it still takes the thought of intimacy or the passionate touch to begin the process. It just does not pop up. (Grins) This can also be another Great way of taking the pressure off of him.

Remember depending on his chemical makeup one ED treatment may work better than another, Cialis is Tadalafil, Viagra is Sildenafil, and Levitra is Vardenafil, These are all oral (PDE5) inhibitors, There are also other treatments like Testosterone, and even intracavernosal injections. You can also look into Natural Remedies. It all depends, his physician will lead him to the best resolution.

Tracy, It is not, that his body does not want you! (This, my lady is where you need to step back and analyze your thoughts).

As his caretaker you know that it is the medications and the mental disabilities that stop or limit his body, it is not you. Remember if his mind wants you; he wants and desires you, it is just a matter of adjusting his physical body to be on the same wavelength as his mental body.

You have been offered the tools to do this, as his soul mate and caregiver you have the duty to implement and use the tools given. This in the end will take the years of being non-physical, wash them away and create a new vigor you can both appreciate and enjoy!

It’s time to explore each other with a renewed sense of excitement! Happy experimentation, communication, patience that with new medical marvels equal “G”-reat Intimacy and SEX!

Smiles,
-Michael Schuessler-
Changing The World One Orgasm ~ At A Time™


Michael Schuessler
, author of the sex and sensuality classic, ‘The Holy G-rail',Please visit his website, www.theholyg-rail.com to see all the different forms of Michaels works of creativity.

If you have any questions, in the sensual or sexual realm of life please E-mail me.(Use an alias if you'd like to keep your privacy). I also do private One on One consultations at 1-855-Holy G 4 U (1-855-465-9448) All calls are strictly confidential. If you have any questions or just need someone to listen, please call. I am here for you!

Also visit or join my other sites: FACEBOOK, TWITTER

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