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Ask Cici: My girlfriend is a flirt and I don't like it, help

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Dear Cici,

Hey there! I took a quick look on your page, and I liked how you linked songs to express certain feelings. I have a request myself, if you could be so kind and help me with it. There is this girl that I’ve been in love with for quite some time and I think she feels the same way. But she is making it difficult for me to "hang on" to her, because she is always chatting and "flirting" with other guys while I’m around. I’m kind of confused and decided to ignore/leave her, just to avoid getting hurt every time I’m with her. I’m very certain she likes me, and she is still expressing it. I don’t know if she is just after attention, but I feel like I should explain it to her somehow.

Could you name a song which tells her that I love her, but I’m avoiding her to keep myself from being hurt? Also I want her to know that I’m very uncertain about us? If you could name a fitting song, I would be delighted.

Sincerely a confused guy.

Dear confused guy,

Where do we start? First, there is so much going on here and I don’t think there is a song written that can help you. I understand your frustration and desperate plea to find a way to talk to your “girlfriend” without really talking to her but in your situation, you need to have a real conversation with her. However, not before I have a conversation with you.

Are you even in a relationship with this girl? Reading your email I’m not really sure. It sounds like YOU like HER but you may not have let her in on it. You talk about her chatting and flirting with other guy’s when you are around, well if you are just friends with her that would make sense. You state that you’re very certain she likes you and is expressing it. How does she express it, does she say “confused guy I like you and want to be with you in a relationship” or does she call and ask you to hang out – like a friend? I get the distinct feeling that you are in love with a friend and are afraid to let her know.

For argument sake let’s look at this as if she is your girlfriend. If you were to ask anyone who knows me, they will all tell you that I am a flirt. My best friend says that I’m such a flirt that I wink at the camera before it snaps. What they say is probably true, I am a flirt, but I’m a harmless flirt. If I say hi to a man it may seem like I’m flirting when nine times out of 10 I am not. I love people so I am always talking to them, men and women, in the grocery store, at a bar, walking down the street, wherever. Your “girlfriend” could be the same way. She could be a lover of all people and what you see as flirting could just me her natural ability shining through.

Or she could just be a disrespectful person and is ok with being disrespectful to you – her boyfriend – with little regard for your feelings. If you’ve told her in the past that you don’t like it when she chats and flirts with men and she still does it then do you really want to be in a relationship with her? If you haven’t told her it bothers you how is she supposed to know?

My advice to you is…have a conversation with this woman, state your intentions and see where she stands. As an adult, you have to be able to express yourself verbally with the person you are in a relationship with or want to be in a relationship with. Playing a song in this situation will make her look at you with a confused look on her face because she won’t know where this is coming from. Man up and talk to her.

Good luck.

~CiCi

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