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Are you "whipped"?

Groups of friends can be about as colorful as the world itself.  You have couples, singles, some happy, some bitter, some in the middle.  Some are straight, some are gay.  Some are tightly wound, some are as free as the wind.  I consider myself fortunate to have a variety of friends, all fitting into their own unique categories and living as individuals.  

That being said, there is also the friend who feels they should be at the beck and call of their significant other.  Their social calendars are booked until they find out what their better half is up to at that particular second, and they need to consult that person for every decision made in life right down to which t-shirt doesn't make them look fat.  This is what we like to coin "whipped".  

I see whipped lovers (get your minds out of the gutter, people) all over, spread throughout my social circles.  Most commonly seen among my straight coupled friends, the example of such a situation actually made me think about and analyze the same phenomenon among gay couples.  

First of all, does it even exist this way?  Do boyfriends dictate what their boyfriends will do in their spare time?  Do women demand their girlfriends consult them with the details of their day before any potential plans are made?


But, the fact remains that there is a lot of unnecessary "ownership" among relationships.  In particular, I have a friend who consults his girlfriend and actually will not make plans unless she is around.  It actually begs the question: does a relationship and the confines of it make a person socially inept?  Do you gain social anxiety when your significant other isn't around?  

For this subject, I am actually baffled.  I always considered myself the type to go unto the world, make friends and make an impression.  Whether I have a boyfriend on my hip or I am flying solo, I like to think I can make it just the same.  From the perspective of someone who never really felt the lashes of the whip from my other half, I tend to simply get annoyed.  A while back, I looked at the notion of lesbians falling into an instantaneous comfort zone in their relationships.  The idea out there in the GLBT community is that, stereotypes winning, women move in with each other during the first week of the relationship, and men just fiercely jump from one bed to another during the same period of time.  In relationships that stray more toward the center of the spectrum, comfort may come in and take away independence.  

Again, I am simply baffled.  But when my friend had to consult his girlfriend before leaving the house, another friend turned to me and asked "do two dudes ever have this problem?"  And so my curiosity was piqued.  When I took off my shirt to look for whipping scars and saw none, I assumed that it's mostly straight couples, but then again, I don't go lifting up the shirts of others, especially when they are melded together with the person who makes their plans.

Questions, comments and ideas are always welcome by e-mailing


  • Jami colorado Springs sex & relationships 5 years ago

    I have friends of all shapes, sizes and preferences and I think it has more to do with the person's self worth and self esteem. I have a gay friend who is attached to his partners hip and a lesbian girlfriend that used to follow her partner around like a puppy dog. Both have grown a lot and their self worth has increased. They have lost the 'whipped' concept. My girlfriend has since lost her partner because of her change and has since found anew girl and they are happily engaged. My gay BFF and his partner have grown and their relationship is actually stronger for it.