An upgrade usually occurs when there is a newer or better version of an original available. This term can easily translate into marriage. With a wealth of information available on building healthy relationships and lasting love on the internet, in books and movies, there is really no excuse for couples not to step up their marriage game. If the original model of your marriage could use a few alterations, it’s time to turn it in for a newer edition.
In order to recognize whether or not your marriage needs an upgrade, try answering the following questions. Are you both demonstrating the same behaviors day in and day out and expecting a different result? Have either of you been complaining about the exact same items every week? Is your marriage evolving? Would you like for it to evolve? Are you ready to take your relationship to the next level?
The first step in an upgrade is to pay attention to which part of the relationship will benefit the most from a little development. There has to be an acknowledgement that a certain part or parts need improvement, or that something isn’t working as effectively as it used to. Even if it is still working properly, it may just be time to add a few new features. Asking what needs to happen or what actions need to be taken by each partner is a great starting point. It works best if each partner is on the same page and are in complete agreement an improvement is necessary. Once this has been established it is time to move forward by taking action.
These actions typically take place in 3 major sections:
The Fun and Excitement Area: It is so easy to neglect this part of our marriage. If bills aren’t paid, work isn’t handled and children aren’t properly cared for, who has time for fun. But, it is actually the other way around. When we make time for enjoyment, we are even better equipped to handle everything else life throws our way. Turn in the excuse of no time and start to enjoy life’s simple pleasures. Like taking a walk together, holding hands and remembering to date one another. Even taking pleasure in things you normally do with the children, but with the just the two of you can add a new level of excitement; like a trip to the zoo or an ice cream parlor.
The Intimacy Department: Sometimes we are okay in this area if it just happens on a consistent basis. But I challenge you to put forth an even greater effort and make it pleasurable and electrifying. Turn in the average every day intimacy for the hot, new and steamy. First, know that both spouses should initiate sex. Each partner needs to feel desired and wanted by their spouse. Keep in mind it doesn’t always have to take place in the same room or at the same time. Upgrade this section with spontaneity and spice. Be fearless and open to new ideas.
The Communication Division: This is one of the most popular areas needing enhancement and can be a constant challenge for some couples. Think about what you both want and how you have asked for it. Turn in your old ideas and assumptions for openness and acceptance. Your spouse’s way of communicating may be different from yours and that is okay. We must be willing to listen and work with him/her where they are. With this particular section you may have to start small by turning off electronic devices and talking for 10 minutes straight (no interruptions). Each partner has to feel comfortable communicating and sometimes that begins with talking about things that are less important and working your way up to what really matters. Don’t give up; there are many resources and exercises to use to improve here.
Needing an upgrade in a marriage is not about failure in any area, it is truly about using every possible tool necessary to ensure the marriage stands the test of time!