There’s a certain inevitability about some things in life. You can see it coming a mile away and you can’t stop it. You can try to avoid it or try to go around it, but at some point, the only thing you can do is go through it. You can’t always see what’s on the other side of it, and that causes some fear. But what you’re dealing with at the moment may be more difficult to handle than your fear of the unknown.
For some people, to talk about the best ways to breakup with someone is to somehow suggest that you don't believe in love and happiness. It's actually quite the contrary. To help someone free themselves from an unsuccessful relationship is in fact a way to point them toward something that makes them happy.
People often hold on to relationships longer than they should because they haven’t prepared themselves for the eventuality of a breakup. Rarely does a breakup come without warnings or signs being shown. And in the event that it’s a mutual falling away, there’s no excuse for not at least trying to make a smooth transition into the single life.
If you find yourself facing such a dilemma, here are a few tips to help you through:
Don’t lie to yourself – This gets people into the most trouble. They’re telling themselves that everything is okay. They’re telling themselves that the situation can be repaired. They’re telling themselves that love conquers all. That last one is tricky because we always want to believe in love and what it can do. In fact, it’s only after a breakup in our lives that we realize that love doesn’t always conquer all.
At times, couples want so badly for things to work out, they lose perspective on what’s going on within the relationship. This must be avoided. You never want to lose sight of what actually is, in favor of what you want things to be. Also, don’t let the fact that you’ve put a lot of time and effort into something fool you into thinking that that’s a reason to hold on. Truth be told, people often put time and effort into things that they shouldn’t have. Relationships are no different. If it’s over, then it needs to be over.
Don’t lie to your partner – In the event that you’re not happy and you can see then end approaching, do not keep this information from your partner. Again, people can transition into a breakup if they choose to. Sounds odd, but transition is what’s happening anyway. You may as well take control of it. It seems that people are only willing to have such a conversation when they think it will keep them together. But if you’ve been damaged beyond repair as it pertains to the relationship, let it be known. If your partner can’t step up, why not let them know that you’re looking to step away?
Don’t blame it all on love – Isn’t this always the way? Love is the cause of us getting together, breaking us up and making us hold on too long. Couples can sometimes see that they should make the obvious decision, but “love” enters into the picture. It’s easy to blame love, but the blame really belongs with the people in the relationship. We should learn to trust our heads more often when it comes to matters of the heart. If all the evidence says go, then go. Unless you’re cold, love is always still there after a breakup. In fact, on some level, it may never go away. But if you’re making the right decision, the pain will go away.
Prepare for being by alone – This is simple: Being alone doesn’t mean lonely. Sometimes the loneliest place in the world is in an unhappy relationship. Don’t fool yourself into believing that you have to be attached to someone to have happiness. Every now and then we need to be alone to gather ourselves so that we can go forward. Staying in an unproductive relationship hinders that kind of necessary growth.
Don’t prolong the suffering – What is all of this about? Knowing when to say when. We’re often fighting ourselves and holding on for dear life to something that’s going to end anyway. But when you see the boat is sinking, don’t avoid the lifeboat just to prove that you can swim. If it’s over, let it go so that you can get on to what’s next. If a breakup is occurring, you’re not avoiding the damage because the damage is already done. Don’t believe that it won’t work out, believe that it will. Another bus is coming, but you can’t get on it if your refuse to get off the one you’re on. There can be no healing to the suffering if you insist on denying that pain exists.
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