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Are you pursuing the wrong type for you?

Leave the party scene if you're tired of dating partiers.
Leave the party scene if you're tired of dating partiers.
Photo by Karl Walter

Have you ever felt like you just aren’t attracting the right kind of person? Have you sworn up and down, left and right, drunk and sober to your best friend that the next time would be different and then somehow find yourself right back in a relationship with exactly the type of person whom you were trying to avoid?

Join the club.

Why do smart, educated, emotionally stable people make unhealthy choices that mimic past mistakes? Is it desperation? Is it stupidity? Is it ignorance? Or do they really think there is potential that this time, with this person, the outcome will be somehow different?

Ladies, if you’ve just ended your third relationship with a non-committal momma’s boy with Peter Pan syndrome and you are ready to date a grown up, then stay away from the party scene on the weekends. Look elsewhere for your next date, perhaps at a local coffee shop or a cool Meetup group.

Are you a nice guy who is sick and tired of going out with flakey girls who take advantage of your generosity (or your wallet) and you’re looking for someone who has more substance and depth? Then delete your Tinder account and ask out that cute girl at your gym. Yes, ask her out face-to-face! She’ll be so shocked and impressed that you’ll score major points for ballsiness, even if she politely rejects you on the grounds that she has a boyfriend.

The point is, if what, or let’s be honest, who you’ve been doing hasn’t worked out, pursue something different!

You are entitled to have a “type” of person to whom you are attracted, but force yourself to see beyond that type--the artist, the politician, the athlete—and be more open-minded to approaching other types. They may surprise you.

Maybe that bookworm at the park is actually a CrossFit powerhouse. Or maybe the business suit-clad professional on the bus is the lead singer in an awesome 90’s cover band.

And maybe, just maybe, that person you’ve seen at the local grocery store on a weekly basis and thought, “he/she is cute but not really my type” is exactly who you never knew you were looking for.